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Wednesday, July 1, 2015

The Kiss Your Sister Quad

Day 11 - Thursday - part 5

After eating dinner, I hit the second floor Men's on my way to Main Street Station via the bridge.

And, as I washed up, I saw a guy with his dentures on the counter in the men's room. He had a tube of Polygrip out and everything.

See, that's the difference between the Strip and the Cal.  That kind of 'party' on the strip will run you three grand easy.

Over at Main Street, I settled in by the craps tables and ordered a wine, make it red. I don't know my wine, but I usually manage to get something good in restaurants. But on the casino floor, its another story altogether. It seems like you have your choice of Vin de Plonk, or Chateau Rotgutte, aged for 4 to 5 days in steel casks, and served in one of those crunchy plastic cups.

Because of this I limited myself to two more glasses. Okay, three more. And I played me some Main Street multi-play.

I had a good long play and parlayed up to five-play. I didn't keep anything from this session, other than the $2 scratch cards.

Then I had a bright idea... The Loose Doose! I'll try twenty on that, now that I know I know how to get the Loose Doose.

No, instead I got this.

Kiss Your Sister Dealt Quad on the Loose Doose
And yes, I did get my $2 scratchcard for this Kiss Your Sister Quad.

I was out of stogies, so I headed to Binions to see if the Flying Vato Bros. were in residence. They were, and they fixed me up with a few cancer bats.

As I wandered out of the place, I kind of got into an out of the alcove by the poker room. And as I checked out the machines lining the curved wall that is on the other side of the poker room, I found some paytables. Had I stumbled on some Secret Unknown Better Paying VP Machines???!!! Apparently, I was in some sort of, oh, I don't know... call it a, hmmm, call it a Video Poker Hideout for want of a better name.

And sure enough, there's parlayable 8/5 Bonus in quarters, halves and dollars, 8/6 Boner Deluxe, which isn't full pay, but for non-full pay, pretty good, they have Deuces Wild (DW44) which comes in at 98.91%. And... the quarter games all have a progressive on the Royal.

Well, this was a great discovery. I sat and played for a while, didn't hit anything. I went to look around a bit more and on a stand-alone kiosk, I found 9/6 Jacks. Cool... but wait... as I looked at the paytable, I noticed that this game paid only 2,500 for the Royal instead of 4,000.

Binions, you shoddy cheap fuckers. That is a nasty, nasty trick, and a nasty, nasty paytable. There is nothing we VP players revile more than a paytable that tries to pull the video wool over our eyes.

Real full pay Jacks pays back 99.54%. This dog with the 2,500 Royal pays back a paltry 98.8793%.
Beware Fake Jacks or Better
Now you know.

OK, it doesn't seem like much, but its the principle of the thing. There are lots of people who know just enough to check out the full house and flush and know that 9/6 is a good thing.

I now had enough points on my Binions card to do the Wipe and Spin promotion and to my excitement, I won $10 in promo chips.

Now, just about every time I have played any promo chips or coupons at Binions table games, the staff has been unfriendly and downright rude. One time, I used a 'free ace' coupon at blackjack. The dealer dealt me a ten and then suddenly 'remembered' that she had to burn a card. And took my ten away. I won the hand anyway but as a result, never play blackjack at Binions, except when playing coupons and taking their money.

I got my promo chips and marched over to a roulette table and politely verified that I could put them on Red.

I put them down on Red and the spin came up... red! Winner Flushie! My bet got paid, and the dealer snatched up the promo chips, leaving two $5 chips for me.

And without even a pause, the pit boss was on my case, "OK pal, its done. You can pick those up."

"I can?" I said. I knew exactly what I was doing.

"You're done. Pick 'em up."

"Ummm... I think I'm just gonna... let 'em ride." I gave the sniveling pit boss my best Flusher Shiteating Grin.

Next spin... red.

I picked up my twenty bucks in chips and cashed them.

Okay pal... pick up your fucking chips... fucking asshole. I don't know why they give these things out when they are such assholes to you when you use them. But I won. So Binions can suck it. So can the Four Queens. They can suck it too. They call all suck it! They can suck each others! As long as they don't enjoy it.

Back at the Cal, I started with $20 on quarters on Double Double

Got a quad, parlayed to 50 cents and went on an amazing run, but a quadless fifty cent run. The full houses kept me going. I played for a solid half hour, just pounded as fast as I could. I ran it up to $105, then drifted down to $60. And then all of a sudden I went from $60 to zero in about a minutes.

Now, why didn't I parlay to $1 Double Double Bonus? I always have it in my mind that if I hit Aces Kicker at 50 cents, its a cool $1000 even. At the dollar level, its $2000, of which $600 gets lopped off in tax withheld. So fuck it, I play 50 cents.

Notwithstanding what I'd put in the safe, I was down to $100 of my stake, my playing money. I played dollar Bonus Poker with it. Couldn't get a quad. Lazarused, and on my Lazarus hand got a full house.

And that lead to a three-to-a-Royal draw which led to this nice almost Royal straight flush for $250. (Nobody came by and asked me where the Ace was, thankfully.)

And then...
 ...I got a flush.

Yeah, that again.

I played for a while longer and cashed out at $200. Today was a pretty great day in Las Vegas. I had such a blast! I hit my $10K coin in ($7K at the Cal and $3K at MSS) and actually, today was my best day in Vegas on this trip so far.

I played a lot, won a lot, and did all my winning from parlays. Parlaying was really working for me. Consider - I lost $2200 in the first 24 hours and over the last 9 days I'd lost $100. That is more like it.

Day: +$540
Trip: -$2300


    1. My last trip was similar. Did all my huge losing in the first 24 (okay twelve) hours and then did minimal losses the rest. But that first day, hoo boy. Ruined my budget. I think i am not going to gamble on day one next time. Which is funny because I am clearly lying.

      Cannot wait to see if you undo the damage!

    2. MSS = beer.

      I had a pint of their double IPA (and some others) on the Thursday before the fight. That DIPA could stand up to a bunch of the hyped DIPAs that cost you $8-10 for a snifter in a beer bar. Cheap drunk plus I won $50. Good times.

    3. I pulled a damn 4 on my near miss two days ago, Game was $2 Boner Dlx. Except it was hearts instead of spades, the hold was King / Queen, with 10 H, A H, and Damn 4 H filling in the redraw. I think we may have a VP conspiracy on our hands. Looking over my history of near miss Royals, the relative number of 4 filling in for the missing Royal Card is exponentially higher. I'm gonna have to have Doc Brown look into this.

    4. RF, I'm glad you found the good video poker in Binion's Video Poker Hideout. It was added to vpFREE2 five months ago so it's been there at least that long.


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