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Friday, August 28, 2015

Bladder Emergency at Love Booth 69 (Aug 26-2015)

So while I was up in the room slaving for The Man on the stupid C.O.C. testing, the Quad Queen was pounding the heck out of triple play. Sometimes I just get the shaft.

Here is a pictorial record of her exploits.

All of this action didn't actually add up to any wins in particular. She pounded those machines mercilessly for two solid hours, racking up $5K in coin in and losing $100. That's a pretty good result, except for the losing of $100.

In fact, she was down $400 on the day, while I was down $100.

So we needed to do the walk of shame. I had a brilliant idea for some good luck bracelets and we executed that plan at the cage.

(You might have noticed the good luck spoon I pilfered from the Not a Pyramid Not a Cafe Cafe in some previous quad pictures. The spoon is bogus. No fucking lucky spoon.)

Can you guess which arm is mine?

I tried this lucky Burning Itching Swollen Discharging Sevens machine and to my surprise it played really well. I got a win of 100 quarters followed by 80 quarters, and that let me sit back and play a while. Meanwhile, the QQ was warming up the triple play in the high limit room.

We had a few cocktails and played away, and once again, the Quad Queen out-quadded me like crazy.

But I spiked a beauty on a five times multiplier, hitting two out of three quad fives.
The Lucky Bracelets Work!
In a playing frenzy, we'd both left the bathroom break a little long, and it was almost time for dinner. We wrapped up at the High Limit lounge and made a beeline for the nearest set of washrooms. It was one of those things where you get up after a few drinks and its like, ok, this just turned into a level 3 bladder rupture emergency.

We're hauling ass for the washrooms, faces beading out in sweat, doing the tight crotch skip and walk, trying to make the runway before crashing in a pool of flaming pee.

"This way, out through the lobby, it's quicker!" I shrieked. I grabbed QQ's hand and we headed out across the marble lobby floor, just givin' er.

And some guy in a bad suit with a nametag on and a clipboard gets in our way. Timeshare flea.

"And how is the loving couple tonight?..." he says.

"Oh... FUCK OFF!" I shot back.

Probably the seventeenth time these bloodsuckers have accosted us since we arrived. Boy that was rude of me. Boy that felt good.

And so did the safe landing.

I'd made a reservation at Tender, the steakhouse at Luxor. They have a pretty cool skanky gorilla chair there. I didn't sit in it though. I was prepared to make this a long pants dinner but the hostess said it wasn't needed. Whew.

The hostess escorted us into a sultry, cozy room, with dramatic lighting, and sumptuous leather seating. She indicated a spot in the corner.

"Ah," I said, "Love Booth 69, my favorite."

She smiled and blushed a bit. "Booth 84, actually..."

"Ah," I said, "Love Booth 84, my favorite."

I started with the fancy-ass tomato soup. It was good but not great. I had a trio of soups once at Society Cafe and one of them was tomato. A thimbleful of that stuff packed an eyes, ears, nose and mouthful of crazy-delish flavour. This soup was thin by comparison. Chef Campbell didn't quite hit the mark on this.
For main, I had a steak.

At Tender, you don't just order a steak, you order a "43 word adjective description noun steak". In my case, it was the "cornucopia heirloom prairie grass fed Waytogo New Zealand unicorn Triple Ripple Butt Plug Ranch Beaver Creek hand slaughter eucalyptus-room aged rib steak" followed by the dollar-sign less "49".

Nothing says high-falutin' like pricing things like "Hand drawn water.... 12" or "potato trapeze.... 8"

While we were waiting for our food, one of those professional photographer guys came by to take our picture, which he would later sell us a print of at a ridiculously inflated price.

"Would the lovely couple in Love Booth 69 allow a photo?" he said.

I was right on form.

"Hit the bricks, Mac, I know what I look like... Scram!"

The steak was very good, cooked perfectly, but not the best I've had.

Mrs. F had a lobster tail, which was very good, but the star of the table was the Potatoes Also Cheese with Au Gratin du Fromage. Because cheese.

Every bit as good as it lucks.
Dessert was Barrel o' Creme Brulee with Special Shortbread Cookie for her (10), and Trio of Porker Desserts with Smaller Special Shortbread Cookie for him (10).

The Trio had a chocolate thing, a little creme brulee and a cheesecake thing. All delish, but the creme brulees didn't have much of a crunchy coating on top, which is the whole point, right? Breaking through the top crust into the mouth-fun below?
Some simple dessert choices...

All in all dinner was really good and the service was excellent. I would certainly return to Tender.

We played a little more, and it didn't go particularly well for me. Of course the Quad Queen had a few more hands up her sleeve, but basically she had her ass handed to her today when it was all done.

RF: Day -$220 Trip -$640
QQ: Day -$800 Trip -$1200

These numbers are subject to revision, my notes are elsewhere.

Lot's more to come, including a bizarre turn of events getting from Luxor to the Cal.


    1. Nice 5X hit on the STP! I'm surprised you didn't kill 2 birds with 1 stone and pee on the time share salesperson.

    2. I'm appalled by the "banana foster's bread pudding" on the menu. Unless it was made by a guy named Banana Foster -- who I'd love to meet in person -- it should be "Bananas Foster bread pudding" (or "bananas foster bread pudding" to match their lack of capitalization).

    3. I read this on an over packed NYC subway and when i got to "oh FUCK OFF" I laughed so hard aloud. I assume people stared at me but I sure as hell didn't look up. Good job.

    4. at least you didn't pee in the seat...I saw a woman do that in Atlantic City!


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