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Sunday, November 8, 2015

Stay Away from the Kimchi

Monday November 2, 2015 - Day 12 - part 2

I almost forgot the most important part - our $40 in keno tickets netted us $14 in 'winnings'.

Now, on to breakfast. T.I. has their own take on a Country Throw-up Gravy based breakfast - you start with hash browns, add not one but TWO deeeeeeeeeeeeep chicken fuckin' fried steak patties, add that luscious beige gelatinous CTUG, AND throw in a sausage patty to boot and THEN perfect it with two cackleberries - which the chefs will prepare in ANY STYLE if you can believe it.

It ends of looking just as appetizing as it sounds.

And guess what?

I didn't order it. The Coronary Queen did!

I had something much better for my health - cholesterol with cheese. But Swiss cheese, and that's European (Swissland, duuhhh), and Europes are healthier, right?

That gross looking thing to the right is not the petrified head of a penis, by the way, it's just a mushroom. So, head of a penis, but not petrified. Clear?
Before you shudder with disdain, let me remind you that there are vegetables in that omelette, even if penis heads are a fungus, not truly a vegetable. But still. Vegetables. Good. 

What can I tell you, its vacation.

Because this was in the day when I was still making an effort to catch up from the lost charger debacle and live up to the 'live' status of the trip report... I retired to the room to shower, shave, have my blood changed, and blog.

Meanwhile, the Quad Queen had discovered a pretty decent play - A 7/5 Bonus Poker dollar game with a progressive Royal that topped $8000. That made it a play worth around 100%. Unfortunately you have to get the Royal to get over the top, unless you are lucky. Which I was not.

She gave it a try and ended up with (yet another) Royal Straight. Frustrating. Another huge miss. A Royal Straight is like the A, K, Q, J of "hearts" with the 10 of "fuck my life" instead of the 10 of "hearts".

She'd been trying to get a decent Boner Deluxe quad for some time and was deep into her stake before finally managing it.
Of course, it had to be Aces instead of lame sixes or some shit. Still, 400 credits is 400 credits.

More hits were coming, and I joined her for a while.

Queens for the Queen
I took a break to do some more blogging and eat something healthy - fruit cup from CVS and nuts for lunch. If you are tardy, you don't get fruit cup, so I was sure to be on time.
The Quad Queen texted me that she was now playing in the Tangiers Casino.

Talk about movie magic! They'd changed the whole area into a different place - by adding signs.

It looked like she was making great progress too, nailing Aces for $400.

Maybe our day was turning around. But maybe it wasn't. Sure, the machine says $760 but she had put in a ton to get it. And I was simply down with almost no wins on the stupid KFCMOD machines.

We gave the spinners a try and the Quad Queen got badly shut out. I managed only one quad and by this time I was bleeding money again. We're talkin' like down $600 on the day.

Shades of the old Treasure Island - when its theme lived up to its name. Remember the Flipit machines near here?
Even I, looking back at the pictures, wonder how the Quad Queen managed to eke out a gigantic kick in the crotch loss on the day. For one thing, she did a shitload of dollar play, and it can go very fast. As much as we can reconstruct it, she went down quite a bit before hitting the $780 Aces picture, and then lost a bunch of that back.

The Slutty Times Pay triple play ate her a live for $400 or $500 - and she found herself down $800 on the day.

She took a break in the room and I decided to flim-flam around some. On a whim, I put $20 into a shortpay dollar triple play machine. $15 a pull.

I got the thing to lift off and kept getting hits. The credits kept climbing and I thought 'maybe just maybe I have a chance to pull off a big win here and get our day back'.

Then, I was dealt four to a Royal...
I got the Quad Queen on the phone and sketched out what was going on.

"I have three chances at $4000."

"Are you going to put this in a big cliffhanger post in the blog?"

"I could," I said. "People seem to like big cliffhanger posts. By the way, how I got here was, I put $20 in and got some hands. Like I got dealt a full house at one point, which got me up to $225."

"Of course I didn't cash out," I continued. "I'm trying to win here."

Well, I won't torment you with another cliffhanger (since bigger cliffhangers could be foreshadowed as being available at some future blog post).

I fuckin' shanked it.

And I blew back all the money.

And another $80 after that.

Because gambling.

Dinner? The buffet. It's trying really hard to be really good, but it wasn't quite there. I still enjoyed it though and even ate a salady thing.

One of the best parts was that they have kimchi, which generates wondrous luminous green farts, for cropdusting up and down the aisles of the casino, when you have nothing better to do, for losing.

The creatively named buffet (The Buffet) also featured an impressive CTUG display, ready for oozin'.
On the out of the buffet, heading back to the room in total and utter defeat, I passed by the star of "DICE", Andrew Dice Clay.

He nodded at me.

"Howyadooin'" I said.

"Arright," said Dice. "Hey, Flusher? Stay away from the kimchi. Whoaaaaa!"

I was down a little over $800 for the day so far and decided, appropriately, to shoot some dice. I bought in for $100 and that quickly went on the $10 table. The second hundred fared not much better, and I found myself with $20 left in my rack when I finally won a point and some chips came back.

Over the next hour, we hit some hot shooters, and I was able to claw back the $200. I pressed my bets up and ran my rack up to about $450 or so. Things turned and I cashed $375. It was a great session but not enough to undo the damage.

RF: Day: -$700 Trip: +$5110
QQ: Day: -$800 Trip: -$3300
Combined: +$1810

At the rate we were bleeding cash, we could eradicate our trip win in another day of playing those damn machines.

It was bad, really bad. We'd dropped $3200 in just two days at T.I. 

Fuckin' degenerate.

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    1. Quad fives with an ace of diamonds kicker, twice, both times on the top hand after holding three. Hmm.

    2. I must be NEW. WTF is a KFCMOD ????? Kentucky Fried Chicken sumthin...sumthin...sumthin????

      1. Why, the Killer Fifty Cent Machines of Death of course. :)


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