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Monday, February 29, 2016

The Lone Acer

Let's see, where we we? At T.I., looking for magic.

I switched to Double Double Bonus, held a single lone Ace and scored four pointies.

No kicker, though.

That's a quick $400, kicker would have made it $1000. I'll take it.

I had a great session, sat and hammered the machine for a good long while, had a bunch of drinks (different CW, thank goodness), made $100. What's not to like? (Besides not getting kickers.)

I gave the multi-play spinners a try again. I've never had such a dearth of luck on spinners. It was a little unusual.

And in fact, the dearth - there's that word again - the dearth of quads indicate that I took a beating on the session. Which I did.

Since that wasn't happening, I headed over to Bedrock again to see if I could get the Betty Does Fred Bonus Round we've all been longing to see since 1964.

Holy crap! I was getting good at this.

Or was I? I usually take the time to more or less know what I'm doing on these machines but the Bonus Frequency button eluded me until the end. When playing less than max coins, selecting this doubles the cost.

I thought I could hear a mechanical electronic snickering sound, as if Physics Space Time guy was laughing at me as I pushed the Bonus Frequency button over and over.

And it turns out, as far as I can figure, that at max coins you can turn it on without any additional cost. And I only just figured it out.
Rassa frassa ricken fracken ricken!!!....

I'd missed this one. Not very savvy at all.

Sure enough, that smarty pants Dr. Stephen Hawking rolled by from the other side of the machine, where there was an identical Flintstones set-up. His assistant had an $1100 TITO in one hand, and a two foot plastic guitar margarita drink in the other, with the name STEVE! on it in shiny glitter.

"Damn you, you super-genius scoundrel Dr. Stephen Hawking!!!" I yelled at him as he rolled into the sports book. "Last time I teach YOU savvy gambling tips. Next time you have gambling or space-tide continuing gravitational waving questions - ole Flushiepants won't be so helpful!"

He appeared not to hear me, and left me fuming in the aisle.

Two hours later, as I replayed the scenario, I thought of the perfect rejoinder involving the words 'Uranus' and 'black hole' but as it is with all such things, it was far, far too late. The chances of bumping into Dr. Stephen Hawking a third time at T.I. were... astronomical.

The chances of me gambling my winnings? 100%.

But first, I hit the bar, played a twenty, got a drink, downed it, tipped a few bucks, and then got a real drink. It's amazing how well that works. First drink, 3/4 ounce. Throw three bucks into the glass, next drink, you get a monster.

I took a nice break, grabbing a seat in the lounge next to the bar. It's quite pleasant there, a great place to relax, sip, and people watch.
Watch those people!
The results thus far on the day? Down $400. I'd won $25 on some promo, and had $45 free play to come on points. So there was that. And, I had some entries into the slot tourney. I figured I'd do that after dinner.

I'd checked out Senor Frog earlier and it seemed like a place where I could get a quiet ersatz Mexican meal. When I headed back there, all hell had broken loose, in the form of karoke rapping.

Frat boy review of Senor Frog? 8 or 9 out of 10. Sour puss Flushiepants review of Senor Frog? Dear God kill me now out of 10. With a point taken off for them not playing any Stompin

Where there had been no line-up before, there now was one. But I was determined to deal with the 'hood karaoke and sample Senor Frog.

The podium babe talked me through the process of obtaining a street cred rap karaoke table, and how long a wait it would be.

First of all, it's important to know that I use a separate phone number only when I'm in the US. I don't have it memorized. And why would I.

"If you give me your number, I'll text you when your table's up."

"I don't know it..."

I pulled out my piPhone, logged in, and took a moment to read a text that had just come in.

She reached toward the phone. I pulled it away.

"Your number should be right there," she said.

I thought about explaining about the separate micro-simm card that Jimmy Poon got for me, that I had stored my US number as a contact, and I just had to get to it.

"Nope. Don't see it."

"Touch here - contacts..."

I lifted an eyebrow.

"Con. Tacts...." she repeated.

She crooked a finger and slowly moved it toward the phone, desperate to start poking and touching and pinching and swiping.

"Phone home?" I asked.

She looked at me.

"Are you sure? I don't see it. I see other people in here..." I said as I scrolled to the bottom, where I'd stashed it. I touched to pull it up.

I started rattling off the number.

"Now, what is it you need my number for again?"

"I'm going to send you a text."

"Oh! A Tex. Good."

I smiled.

She nodded.

I held the phone as though it were a dead fish.

"What's a Tex?" I asked.

Damned if she didn't start to explain to me what a text was.

I took pity and stopped her.

"OK, I'm good. I know all about texing. I'm getting the internet next month, too."

"And your name, sir?"

"Elliot. El- leee- ottt."


I headed over to the blackjack tables to kill the time and see how my card luck was. Well, it wasn't very good. Not very good at all. Lost most of $100 flat betting reds. Lost the last couple on 17 straight up at roulette.

A tex came in and I was befuddled. What was this confounded thing cluttering up my picture screen?... OK, OK...


Fajitas. Senor Frog. Announcer/MC/Deejay. Stupid contests for shots. Some of which I could have won, too. It was entirely forgettable and annoying. The food was okay, but that's all.

I can't fathom any reason to return there unless I am with about 19 other people. Then, it had the potential to be fun.

Alone, with crappy food?

Single Lonely Diner Table at Senor Frog's, right by the server's station.
Forget it.

The only thing that could have been worse was Kahunaville, which I'd avoided since that fateful night over Macho Grande.

I killed the rest of the evening playing spinners, walking around outside, and playing in the free slot tournament, a pursuit which I abandoned after one round - the over-the-top fake enthusiastic MC, and the ear-splitting 80s rock music, after the debacle in Senor Frog - was too much for me. I have a low tolerance for people who think they are funny because they have a microphone in their hand.

Put a heated 9 pound cannonball through that joint!!!
My last gasp for the day was again Boner Deluxe. I hit one, but blew it all back parlayed to dollars, going for the big score.

I pretty much lost my $500 budget today. But I had a blast doing it.

East is east
And west is west
And an elephant never forgets.
Boulder's Rule.
(FB like RF, K?)


    1. Don't beat yourself up too badly about the Flintstones increased bonus frequency thing. I believe if you choose the more frequent bonus option, the average bonus payout is lower to compensate for that, so it's kind of a wash.

      1. Does it increase the frequency of the Betty Does Fred Bonus Round?

      2. I don't know the answer to that. I presume it's buried in the rules somewhere, but I don't have easy access to one of those machines.


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