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Tuesday, March 29, 2016

Call for Stimul8 Balzac

The next day was the day after Tuesday. So that would be Wednesday and my last full day at Mandlebar Bay. I'd taken some precautions the day before, as you savvier readers might have noticed, of putting a mickey of Smirnoff on ice along with the bad karma emergency death cheese. I also purchased a few other provisions to help make up what would be yet another Punishment Breakfast.

Punishment Breakfast featuring stolen emergency cheese.
I'd thought that it would be fun to have breakfast in my room, to keep me out of the casino, sort of like a Skylab astronaut, sequestered in my little capsule, with just enough provisions to keep me going. I'd squeeze the illicit Philly right from its little plastic tube, just like an astronaut would. Yes, I thought all this would be fun.

Well, it wasn't. It was like having Chuck E. Cheese take a dump on my Blathermouth Crackers.

I toughed it out.

By the time I'd done my morning's work, I went down to the casino by way of the casino, while heading to (purportedly) the buffet for a repeat of breakfast lunch. You see, since I am fudging this from texts and from failing memory, I forgot to mention that there'd been signs on my favorite triple play machines indicating that they would be taken out of service at such and such a time overnight.

I wanted to see what the damage was.

Finding their normal place in the casino, my eyes opened as big as monster ball buffet blueberries. There they were... GONE.

Mandelabra Bay was having a fun time pulling games on me that I'd counted on being there.

A quick reconnoitre of the casino turned up the machines, now proudly on display outside the House of Blues.
If you play these, the middle ones have better paytables.

On the way back around to the buffet, I happened across some very interesting machines.

They were quarter hundred play with quarters. And they had 9/5 Double Double Bonus, as well as 9/5 Jacks or Better. That is as good as you are going to find on the strip, for the most part, and better than you are going to find at the likes of the Golden Nugget at that denomination.

With hundred play, I could started with one hand at a time, and then parlay. The sky was the limit! I couldn't wait to try this out.

But first, blunch. I got a table and headed straight to the blueberry corral. Strange, I didn't hear the sounds of forklifts or anything... what the hell?

No blueberries today.


I went another direction, more towards lunch than breakfast, making it a true blunch. Did you know that South Korean kimchi, as well keeping your bowel incredibly taut, toned and healthy, is excellent with salad? Well it is.

I adore kimchi, but who wouldn't adore spiced fermented cabbage that is packed in Kim Jong Un's underpants earthenware jars and buried underground for about fourteen years.

Back up in the room, I replenished the ice for the vodka and the remaining emergency space cheese (who am I kidding, it was all about the vodka) and I spent a couple more hours working on data entry for Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer. I really enjoyed swapping the 'Contact me!' phone numbers given by our grade A GrommetCon prospects with ones from the various porn slapper cards I'd collected during the trip.

I could just imagine boss Norbert calling 696-969-6969 and asking for Stimul8 Balzac.

When I could take no more, I went down to take on the Mandalay Bay casino once again. I took $100 and broke it into $5 bills.

The plan? Hundred play quarters, starting with single line. Strict Rules of Parlay.

I had visions of parlaying high and long from just five bucks, ending with me on an incredible run, pounding 5, 10, 20 maybe more hands at a time, racking up points, and ending with an incredible dealt hand. Maybe 100 hands with a dealt Royal. That would be a cool $100,000.

My first five dollars went great. I double up and switched to two hands at a time.

Pretty soon I went out. I went through a series of five dollar bills where I never got to parlay at all. Like six or seven of 'em.

At one point I got up to four hands. The thing didn't pan out, really, in the sense that I didn't win an incredible huge amount of money.

But it was kind of fun and different, and I thought I would do more in the evening.

In the end, I played back down to zero, and pulled my MLife card.

There was something I had to do, something on my agenda. Something I had never done before. In fact, this was my, what 58th trip to Vegas or something ridiculous like that? And I still had at least one new trick up my Vegas sleeve.

Today was the day.

If your berries are blue
And your nuts are cracked
Click Facebook like
And get back on track(ed)



    1. WHAT? No Burma Shave? I watch for those every day!!!!!

    2. Feeling for you Mr RF. Having only just returned from Vegas to the UK a few days ago where apart from an amazing half hour on the first morning involving strict rules of parlay, I then entered VP Hell. And I mean hell, with only 1 tiny winning day out of the remaining 10. The other 9 being horrific losses. If I hadn't experienced it myself, I'd have said it was impossible to get that mother of all ass kickings at mostly 25c single line DDB. My sympathies to you nonetheless. Stay cool.

      1. Thanks for sharing, VegasPalms, sorry you had such a crappy trip. Obviously you were into the buffet cheese to have such bad luck. Yes, when it goes bad, it really goes bad, and you can hardly believe it can continue day after day. Hopefully you'll get a bounce in the other direction next time. Good luck!


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