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Friday, March 4, 2016

The Royal Flusher Olfactory Awards

Monday morning anywhere where you have to work is still Monday morning, even if it is Las Vegas Monday morning.
Oh Dawn...! Come here!

I was up even before the ass-crack of dawn and headed down to get some Downtown Grand complimentary coffee. Just get coffee, and get back to the room, ready for the day. Down and back. That's it and that's all.

I only played a quick $20. It was a necessity - so I could see what my Monday Mystery Freeplay bonus was. $15. I was a good boy, I played a bit and cashed out even.

So far, I was up a cup of coffee on the day.

I tested out the internet speed at the DTG - it was SMOKING fast. I figured I'd need good internet speeds for all the drayage I was going to do for Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer's corporate presence at GrommetCon 2016.

Jimmy Poon was drooling over these internet speeds. The upload speed was insane!
I had punishment breakfast (Air Fuckyou Canada Maple Leaf Lounge Liberated apple, emergency cheese, nuts) in my room with the coffee.

Then it was off to GrommetCon 2016. Some other Veeblefetzeronians along with that slobbering, slack-jawed, nepotism boss Norbert, who waltzed his way to his fiefdom by marrying the bosses daughter.

On site, I was told to start unloading boxes from a rental truck, heavy boxes of pamphlets, grommet samples, 500 pounds of pop rocks to put out in bowls, and the like.

"Hey, excuse me Mr. Norbert?"

"What?" Norbert looked up from his smartphone.

"I'm supposed to be doing drayage, not unloading heavy boxes."

"And what did you think drayage was, moron?"

"Well, you know, chatting up customers, running the hospitality suite bar, helping the info-babes with their costumes... that sort of valuable stuff."

"I'm in charge of that stuff. You're off the drayage, Flusher. Get carrying heavy boxes instead."

So, that's how I spent the first part of my day of GrommetCon. Around two o'clock, I found a box of customer response forms that had been packed away in the gorilla costume box. I vaguely remembered stashing them there at GrommetCon 2009. But this was my out.

"Hey, excuse me Mr. Norbutt?" I said.

"What?!!" Norbert looked up from his grommet rubber encased smartphone.

"I just found some vital customer response forms from... last fall. I think I better get these entered right away. The others can move the heavy boxes without my help - they are doing great at it."

"Fine, whatever. Do it. And quit interrupting me! ... Important. Things."

I glanced down at Norbert's phone and saw this:

I grabbed the shuttle back to downtown Las Vegas, dropped off the box of customer response forms, and immediately headed to Le Thai for a delicious Thai lunch. Red curry chicken, with a side of cucumber salad.

After lunch, I headed to the El Cortez - for just a quick $20 on the dollar machines in the Hall o' Dollars next to the cage.


Story of my gambling life.

I went up to the room and made a few motions around entering some of the information from the forms into the company systems. Most of them said that they liked our grommets because how can you fuck up a grommet? It's a rubber donut.

Like a good little soldier, I worked through the afternoon until official quitting time. I didn't want Norbert to check up on me and lose this sweet gig.

I relaxed, took a shower, had a drink in the room, and unwound a bit from the day's toil. I wondered how Norbert's Movie Star Makeover was going.

When I played my first $20 in the morning, I noticed that about 2000 points were missing from my card. I was sure of it, because I took note of what I had when I started - pretty close to an even 500 - and what I had when I was finished. It was obvious.

And it's happened before. Last trip in the fall. I lost 2000 points, asked about it, and they said, 'oh this happens randomly, but only to people who are staying here'.

Downtown Grand, are you listening? It's unforgivable that three months later this hasn't been fixed. How many customers have not noticed their missing points?

She fixed the situation with a smile. Thank goodness the cage people were friendly and on the ball. Next, I did my Canadian dollars at par transaction. Got that all set up, went to the machine and... noticed it was short. By $125.

I didn't say exactly which ball the cage folks were on....

So I got that fixed up, and set out to see if I could make some money on the deal, playing $50 at a time and cashing out when the $50 was played, similar rules to yesterday... if I was close or over, I'd cash out, if I was significantly down I'd either get the $50 or go broke.

It's kind of fun, a challenge like this.

This time, I decided to play it all on dollars. Fifty on Boner Deluxe netted me nothing. Was hoping for that $400 quad...

I switched to something less volatile and did get one, so yay me.

And here are the proceeds of my $500 Canadian - $585 US:

I played some more, got another four-banger, lost $100 cash and $30 freeplay that was in my account.

Headed over to Magnolia's at the Four Queens.

I got talking to the Keno lady - I wanted to play while I ate - and she has worked there for - get this - 42 years. I need to spend more time talking to her.

I asked about this and that, looking for some cool stories. She said she's seen a couple - a couple - of $100K winners, and a $50K winner. And, for a while, there was a $1M plus progressive. The same guy won it TWICE.

The $1M progressive Keno game has been discontinued...

I asked her about tips and one woman gave them $1,000 on some fairly big win. Nice.
Familiar view. At least not the Single Lonely Diner table.
Finally, the moment I've all been waiting for...

Country fried steak and eggs, hash browns... LOADED with Country Throw-up Gravy. MMMM mmmm.
Brought to me by the Server that Calls Me Baby.

I told her it wasn't special enough and she calls everyone Baby. She said, "OK, from now on you're Sugar Baby, ok Sugar Baby?"

"OK Sugar Baby."

Dinner/breakfast was excellent, as always. I have to say though, Four Queens, you have your stink on full. The amount of scent in that place is now nauseating. I could literally taste it up in the restaurant.

It's not that bad of a scent, but it is being applied at 90-year-old-grandmother levels. By the 45 gallon drum-load.

The Four Queens is now tied with El Cortez for the most over-the-top amount of scent in a downtown casino.

I'm happy to say that the Plaza is doing much, much better, coming off a three year reign in the Royal Flusher Olfactory Awards.

So. I lost $17 at Keno. I played $40 freeplay and lost that. Then I beat it out of there.

Then I had an argument at the D. They said I had to print my match play coupons - the ones that come in email, and every time I just go to the desk and they give me the coupon. At least that's how I remember it. Am I mis-remembering this?

I pulled up the email and nowhere does it say you have to print them - it just says you have to bring in the coupon. It's just an image of what they used to mail me. Which I opted out of. Because green.

But now I had none. The best I could get was, "you have to talk to marketing". So a big fat fuck you to the D for that, and for gutting what used to be an excellent video poker offering. And for the loud as stupid music.

All that over $10. I'm such an ass. It's no big deal. Hell, I'm probably wrong. (Or am I?...) But I let it get to me. I was steamed. I was ripe. I was teetering. I was on tilt.

Not a good mindset for gambling.

I played this.

I played that.

I played dollars. Shouldn't have been.

I was un-savvy and unlucky.

I had another failed four-to-a-Royal draw on dollars 50 cents. (Thanks King Tut for pointing out that this was only half as bad as I thought.)

I can't bear to type the words so here's the Texing record.

And that's how that day went in the dumper.

Country Throw-up Gravy's fine.
I like to eat it all the time.
It looks like hurl and goes with wine.



    1. Now I had to google "drayage" to see if THAT was a real word. Apparently it is.

      1. It is? I made it up, I thought, same as I made up obfuscate.

    2. We'll, if it's any consolation that last 4-to-a-royal miss was on .50, not dollars. So it was only half as bad!

      Hang in there, pal. It's no fun getting your ass sewn to your face!

      1. Thanks your highness. Gave you a shout-out in the updated post.

    3. Another candidate for an olfactory award is the Palms. They are really overdoing it lately.

      Hope things turn around for you, RF. One of the toughest parts of the game is making good decisions and pushing forward when your ass has been kicked all the way up between your shoulder blades.

    4. Ouch, I had a similar experience. Well not really similar except for the losing part. Gave back a $700 dollar win I had run up from $60 on free pay. Told myself I would leave with $500 and got lured by a couple of progressives in the $1040 and $38,000 range. Well I left with a bucket of F@ck. Feeling your pain.


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