Gallop, Poon Stang, Gallop!

Day 3 - Part 2

I thought I would play a little, then walk to Hooters and do the coupons there, then grab the WAX bus to the airport, and then grab the shuttle bus to the McCarran Car Rental Facility, where my Intermediate-sized Chevrolet Cruze or similar theoretically awaited. I calculated how long all of this would take (and thus keep me out of the casino!), carefully considering traffic patterns, the average length of time to wait for a bus, various walking routes and came up with a rock solid estimate of 'quite a long time'.

Meantime, I took a flyer on a Triple Double Bonus game, hoping somebody would deal me a quad. Somebody didn't. After losing $10, I cashed out. The $10 ticket went into some stupid slot or other and I won $10 profit.

So, gambled and broke even. Fair enough.

Next, I went back to the same stupid machine in the same stupid High Limit room that wouldn't pay me any fours-of-a-kind!

I sat down. I looked at it. It looked at me. It stuck its tongue out at me and went 'nanny nanny boo boo'.

Screw it, I thought, and switched machines to the one next to it. I'd had it pounding that stupid loser machine.

I fired up the 9/5 Jacks on Spin Poker, one line at a time. Employing a variant of the Strict Rules of Parlay, I managed to double up my credits and added a line. So now I was playing two lines at a time.

I just about fainted when I actually received on one of my active lines four 9s, thus ending the longest time on a trip ever to getting my first quad - three days!!!

Only 1800 hands to get this gorgeous $31.25 winner!

I played on and eventually graduated to three lines at a time. I played about an hour, had a blast, and lost my money. Back in the room, I sulked a little bit and did some live trip reporting to send out there to Internet-land. The weather said it was stinking hot again today (106), so I scrapped the idea of walking to Hooters and riding various annoying, hot, lurching buses full of cheapskates like me. I'd splurge on Lyft to take me to the car rental place.

This seemed like a good time to clean up, shower, shave and what-not. I went an refreshed the bucket of ice I was using to keep my supply of punishment cheese from turning green and gooey and crawling away on its own. I connected with Funkhouser on the piPhone and we solidified a meeting time down at Harrah's. I planned it out so that I could grab a light lunch, then head to the car rental place, and then head up to mid-strip.

Wanting to keep the cost of lunch down, I checked out the Nile Deli. I remember eating here the first night we ever stayed at Luxor, in 1995. The Nile River ride went right by the tables.

The menu didn't look particularly inviting. Nor did the decor. The Deli is basically a take-out hot sandwich burger hot dog joint.

I headed over to the oddly named Pubic House.

Pubic House is basically a sit-down hot sandwich burger hot dog joint. I asked for a table and had the strangest conversation with the Podium Sheila.

The Podium Sheila said it would be a bit of a wait. (There were 900 tables open). I could sit at the bar and that would be faster. (I don't like sitting on bar stools to eat.) They hadn't been busy so they sent a server home. (They were busy now, out of nowhere.) She wasn't seating me right away so that it would give the server a break. (I could stand and wait to sit, but I couldn't sit now and wait the same amount of time.) The Nile Deli is just around the corner and would probably be faster. (I am out of here.)

It was just completely inept. The P.S. actively wanted me to go away. (This is not an unusual request from the various women I meet in my travels.)

I schlepped back to the Nile Deli and ordered some horrible chicken wrap thing or other with sweet potato fries (cutting edge!!!!!.... if its 2005) and made a light lunch out of it all. I pocketed a bunch of free Mayo packets, for possible future punishment lunches.

What a waste of eating.

I summoned my Lyftber (Johna) and had an uneventful drive to the Car Rental place.

I have some sort of status with Avis, called Avis Preferred Premium Plus Platinum Pro Prime, and that enables me to skip the lines at the main booth, and go directly to the little booth out in the garage.

The guy who helped me was great. He was poking around the computer, and the woman next to him was helping him out. He couldn't find me.

I explained to guy that one email came saying a second email would come but the second email never came and the first email said to go to the booth, so here I am and can I have a car please.

"Name?"

"Flusher."

"P Flusher? G Flusher?"

"No, R Flusher. Royal Flusher."

"Ahh shit."

It was great. Totally unedited. He was a trainee. I laughed my ass off.

"Don't worry," I said, "we'll work through this."

"Press here..." she said, "...and shift Alt Delete Control 69...Press control. Shift. R. Enter. Left arrow. Home key. Shift. R. No together, Shift and R. Enter." It was just like that scene in the hit movie Rat Race...

He furrowed his brow.

"Ah shit."

His Drill Thrall pointed at the screen. "There it is! Woohoo!!!", her arms up in the air.

Every time something went right, the Drill Thrall would do a one-woman 'wave'. "WOOOOOO!!!!!" I tried to catch a picture of this, but didn't manage it. Sucks to be a reader of this blog.

The Drill Thrall spoke to me.

"We don't have a Chevy Crash Intermediate or Equivalent available right now. It would be about a 20 minute wait. I have a Mustang ready now, if you want that..."

"Does it have air conditioning?"

"Yes."

"Will it cost me anything extra?"

"No."

"Will I look like a video poker stud driving around in it?"

"A thousand times YES!"

"I'LL TAKE IT!!!!!!!!!"

We all did a big WOOHOOO and wave, hands in the air. All except the guy being trained. And me.

As I walked out of the Avis Preferred Premium Plus Platinum Pro Prime booth, I thought I heard the Drill Thrall say something to the guy being trained about handing over his 'agonizer'. But I didn't care, I had a hot car in a numbered stall to find.

Behold. The Flushiepants Poon Stang.

I found it and it was fantastic. This was going to be fun!

I fired up the Poon Stang and headed down to Harrah's for dinner and hijinx with Funkhouser.

Gallop, Poon Stang, Gallop!!!

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The $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016: All Posts

Planning the $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016

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