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Tuesday, June 21, 2016

Nipples Of Steel

Day 2 - Part 3

As I walked through Excalibur on my way out into the brilliant white-hot desert sunshine, I remembered some of the good times we'd had here. Like the time I hit my first ever progressive (Aces kicker). Or this machine I played that jammed when I cashed out. A floorman came and used a pen to get the coins to unjam, up under the tray in the corner.

We went by that machine time after time after time, once we knew it had a tendency to jam up.

No, we didn't play it. But we did bring a pen.

I remembered the great coffee shop there, Sherwood Forest, which was about 3 failed corporate dumb-ass improvements that went bankrupt down the line. The space still sits empty.
There are interesting things to see in odd places, if you look. Like this metal guy. Guarding the roller coaster with a musket.
Out on the bridges, I noticed it was hot. Pretty hot. Damn hot. Roasting hot. I was glad to deke through You Nork You Nork. Back on the street, I took in the south strip.

Oh that mixture of commercial, fake commercial, and just plain fake!
I walked until I found what MGM has dubbed 'The Park' - which is a nice way of saying a fancy gauntlet of nice to look at things, and more importantly, a series of places to vacuum the hard earned moneymoney out of tourist's hard earned money pockets.

The fountain on one side invites you to explore a new commercial 'concept'! The stone wall on the other side with broken fountain, invites you to 'fuck off, tourist'.
After exploring the length of The Park, and taking lots of photos, I found the point of it all - a brand new 20,000 seat arena. It is apparently named something and sponsored by someone, but I couldn't quite suss out who.
The cryptically named 'arena'. Someone give this an identity! Don't leave me guessing.
One of the center-pieces of The Park is this very large statue of what I guess you would call a wiry naked woman. Please! Nipples as hard as steel are hardly the kind of thing that belong in this very staid blog.

Did I mention it was hot? My God it was hot. And the wind was blowing, which meant there was a hot, hot wind, which is basically what comes out of a hair dryer. Imagine that everywhere. I ducked into the back of Monte Carlo, fitting to walk through and say So Long, Loser, because MGM are going to rename that dump, now that they've completely reno-fucked the theming of it and every joint that they own.

Because MGM owns the MGM Grand (across the street), and because MGM just opened The Park, some corporate marketing dweeb who has his dick in one hand and an MBA in the other, and has never gambled, or done anything remotely worthy of what you would call an 'experience' has decided that the Monte Carlo should be renamed.... Park MGM. And on top of that, they now charge for parking.

So you will pay to park at Park MGM to visit The Park across from MGM Grand. That should lead to no confusion whatsoever.

Why don't these guys ever hire Royal Flusher? I could fill their MacBook hard drives with common sense in about 30 minutes, no MBA needed.
I wondered what this was. Too puny for an arena.
The Wheel of Fortune. Get it?
The Ass of Fortune. Get it?
Where the fuck am I going to charge my phone? Gambling for hipsters.One to play the machine, and three to wear those little fucking pork-pie hats.
An arena ain't enough, they's addin' a the-ate-er too.
Not being a hipster, I needed shaving stuff, so I swung north to a nearby CVS. But who am I kidding, I could have found a drugstore blindfolded, stumbling around the strip, there are so many now.

I had a brief moment where I saw a way to eat rather cheaply...
Five bucks a meal, but how long would they keep in my suitcase?
I picked up the shaving cream I needed and a water, also very needed, and headed back. Damn it felt hot.
At least I was racking up steps (and quads) on the FatBit!
And it was. Turned out I was bopping around in 109F. You can guess what the F stands for.

The Park in Pictures - a Photo Essay by Royal Flusher.

On a 109 degree afternoon in Las Vegas, I explored MGM's new district The Park. Although primarily a retail conduit to the arena, it is filled with sculpture and abstract expressions of shape and form that draw the visitor in.

The $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016: All Posts

Planning the $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016

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    1. That guy featured in the "charge your phone" pic must have traveled to Vegas from his home on the sun or he may have traveled from his summer cottage in hell. WTF a down filled vest in that heat!?!

      1. He looks like Captain Keith Colburn from The Wizard on Dealiest Catch.


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