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Friday, June 24, 2016

The Gods of Video Poker Laughing At Me From Their Perch In The Video Poker God Clouds

Day 3 - Part 1

I was a night and a full day into the 12 day trip and I still had $900 left to gamble with. For the
next 10 days. And, I had lots of big, long, interesting activities planned.

But first things first.

Job one was to open my eyes in Vegas. Don't you love that moment when you wake up and realize that you are on vacation and you are HERE and you are really doing the thing you love?

Don't you? Don't you? I sure do. I loved the moment so much that I turned over and slept some more until I woke up again loving that moment when I woke up for the second time and realized that I was still on vacation and I was HERE and doing the thing I love. (Generally, as in Vegas Vacationeering, not being a sleepyhead.)

A little mental mishap had me thinking that I would pick up my rental car at noon, but a quick check showed me that it was actually booked for 3:00pm. So the idea of doing my scheduled coupon run went out the (rental) window.

I could... walk over to Hooters for $10. That seemed like a scroungy thing to do.

This kind of put the kibosh on it. And it explained why it felt so hot the day before - it had hit 109F while I was wandering around in the sun like Cobb in Flight of the Phoenix when he went for help and then barely made it back to the wrecked plane.
Good thing Jimmy Stewart had his Clark's Original Desert Boots on.
It looked like a nice day. I thought I might squander some of my resort credits on a reward Starbucks for being such a good boy so far. I looked out the window, and thought about the gambling so far.
This day had the inferno-ish look of "A Big Steamer Dumped All Over Dickscabular", if you ask me.
By the way, isn't that the nadir of an action-packed blog... writing about the thrilling time when I thought about something or other? Crikey.

A quick check on the MILF site showed that I had done $1750 coin in so far. All, all, all on quarter video poker, except for 5 minutes of Caveman Keno. On which I won.

Do the math, you Flushie Poindexters. That's a buck and a quarter a hand, right? That's roughly 1400 hands, right? Quads come, statistically, in the long run, every how many hands? Every 400 hands, Albert Frankenstein. Don't ask me why this shit happens to me. It just does"Oh, you're going to take a trip to Vegas and write about all your winnings? Well, guess again, Mr. Bumble. No quads for you!" - The Gods of Video Poker Laughing At Me From Their Perch In The Video Poker God Clouds.

Have you noticed that little smudge in all of my piPhone photos? Yeah. That's there. And I haven't been able to get it off. Jimmy Poon and his cheap knock-off 'fell off the delivery van' gizmos.

OK, so I got mobile, down to StarBucker's, and the line was wayyyyy too long. No problem, sez I, I will simply slip a $20 bill into a machine, play a hand, and a cocktail waitress will immediately bring me the much needed coffee. I will give her a dollar, saving three dollars, and maybe winning a fortune.

I played for a while, and I did get to order a coffee. It was hot, brown, and liquid. I drank and I played some. After a while, the boss of all the hosts stopped by and said hello. She didn't know me, it's just because I was in the High Limit room. I made nicey nicey. Hey, maybe I'd ask her for a kettle later.

Here's the little beauty that was giving me all the trouble.

No, there's no big winning hand on there.

And here was the dilemma... I'm like 1600 hands down a no-quad streak. That's 4 cycles. All I can think of is, I have to keep playing the same machine. Because it's gotta pay, right? (Maybe.) And if I quit now, I could play some other machine that goes into some stupid no-quad streak! (Maybe.) But I should switch because this machine is a proven loser. (Like me.)

I lost $40 (that's 4% of bankroll!) and gave up for the time being. Breakfast would sort me out. Yes, breakfast at the Pyramid Cafe. And... it wasn't open. Not till 7:00am.

Did I go back and play that machine some more? Oh no I did not. I walked the casino floor looking at things (like machines I couldn't afford to play) until the chow bell rang.

A couple of funny things about breakfast - I cannot abide a runny yoke. To me, a runny yoke is an uncooked part of an egg. I would no more eat a runny yoke than I would eat a raw egg dumped all over my toast.

The last time I had the smiley face Country Throw-up Gravy Poached Eggs Benedict, I ordered my eggs poached hard.

"Oh sir, no need to tell me that! These poached eggs for this dish are always poached hard."

I still remember the sneer.

So this time, as a savvy orderer of Country Throw-up Gravy Poached Eggs Benedict, I simply said, "One order of Country Throw-up Gravy Poached Eggs Benedict please," and looked at the waiter knowingly.

When the dish came, the yolks were as runny as a sick toddler's nose, and about as appetizing.

I have to say, my waiter was excellent. He sensed (from my green palor) that I was about to barf all over his section, and made good immediately. He whisked away the offending ovums and brought back a brand new fresh order.

"You sir," I thought to myself (and to the readers of this blog), "just earned yourself a handsome fifty cent increase to your tip!"

While eating, I was entertained by watching a man who spoke very emphatically by throwing his hands and arms around the room. He was likely from the Continent. This man was an expert at appearing angry, no matter what was being said - he could be saying 'pass the salt' and come across like Mussolini - and throwing his hands and arms around. His hands and arms would literally fly off of his body for emphasis.

After breakfast, and dodging a flying arm on the way out of the Pyramid Cafe, and because I had very little budget left, I decided to play some gambling machines.

The $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016: All Posts

Planning the $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016

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    1 comment:

    1. That man may have been one of Bernie Sanders' brothers. Or cousins.


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