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Monday, July 25, 2016

The Pick of the Litter

Day 12 - Part 2

Timing is absolutely critical in all things and if you understand this, you will be successful.

I meant to write that a couple of years ago.

Using my chronometer, also known as a watch, the GPS readout on my piPhone and some careful estimations, also known as guessing, I figured out the optimum time to leave Mandalay Bay for the tram station that would get me to Excalibur, from where I would walk to the WAX bus stop outside New York New York with a comfortable margin in which to catch the bus downtown, without having to wait long in the searing desert heat.

The wait for the stupid tram seemed interminable. How long can a tram take that only serves three locations? How long can the other tram take that serves only two? How much time could a track tram take if a track tram could take time?

The tram track.
The thing finally arrived and it was the usual public transportation hassle. Too many people, some young I'm too cool for safety fuck-tonsils with too much hair product in decided to lean on the pole right in front of me. My solution to this was simple. I grabbed the pole the first time I needed to and slowly slid it up until it was touching his back. Then I kept going, knuckles out. Then I told him to get off my lawn. There was even a crying baby in a stroller that I could get blocked behind when trying to get moving at Excrapular.

Reminded me of newspaper assholes on the subway that read a broadsheet paper out in front of them, except that it is stuck 2 inches from your face. I remember this one newspaper asshole, I was eyeball to eyeball with the classifieds... I waited until he was engrossed in an article and then snaked my hand up without him seeing. I positioned my hand directly in front of him, but hidden by the paper, made an 'OK' sign with my thumb and middle finger, increased tension on the middle finger to max, and then released it, snapping the paper and making a noise like a .22 shell. Newspaper asshole suddenly became illiterate.

After departing the tram - you don't get off a tram, you depart - I checked my chronometer and I still had plenty of time to make the next WAX. I hauled ass across the bridge, down the stairs past the out of order escalators (no big surprise there), and over to the bus stop, where I proceeded to try not to watch a stinky, greasy as fuck ne'er-do-well pick his nose for the next nine minutes.

It wasn't just one nose pick. It was a Silver State mining expedition. He even had a tissue with him, which didn't make an appearance until the left nostril was mined out and he'd switched to the right. All of a sudden it was semi-important to stash the boogers in the tissue, never mind using said tissue for its appointed purpose - to maintain enough decorum that your fellow buskateers aren't made ill before the bus even arrives.
And on your right, the mobile Comstock Lode. Welcome to the Silver State.
The bus arrived a few minutes late and of course the Danny Gatton of the Nose embarked as well. He had more prospecting in the Nares Valley to do. I'm tellin' ya, this guy was pickin' a winner in Vegas.

A ride downtown, and a floor show, all for two bucks. What a deal!
Say hello to the Four Queens' Free Pull Bill. He's changed offices, one block west from where he used to be.
I'd been exchanging some messages with long-time incredibly zealous (but not over-zealous) fan-o-the-blog and all-round Flushie John Hanson. (I've changed his name to protect his identity - it's actually Jon Hansen). We've almost crossed paths a number of times, and I knew how much he coveted a hand-delivered version 2.0 business card, and also a chance to ask me about my life back in Flusherville.

Jon made it easy to find him, hanging out back in Starship Binions, and I recognized him from his Facebook posts.

We made our way to more comfortable surroundings - the Mike's Bar in the Four Queens. Jon is an easy to talk to guy, a Vegas lover, and a savvy gambler. We shot the shit for an hour and more, playing a few hands, having a few cold beers. I didn't hit anything much, and neither did he.

An interesting hand came up on my machine on Double Double Bonus - four to a straight flush contiguous, or pair of Jacks. Well it's a landslide for the straight flush attempt - I pulled the trigger and got a flush out of it.

It was a nice break, but I had lost $40 and had bidness over at the Nugget first, and then Starship Binions - to try to do a decent amount of coin-in and maybe get a quarter Royal, and at the very least, earn 2 to 3 spins on the Whip 'n Drip Swipe 'n Grope Whiz 'n Spin 'Mother Load' kiosk.

Standing in front of the cashier at the Golden Nugget, I uttered some words I've never uttered before.

"I'd like to buy back a marker."

"What did you utter?" said the Cashier Sheila.

"I'd... like to buy back a marker?..."

The Cashier Sheila hit a button which caused a K-mart surplus flashing amber light to intermittently blind everyone, and an ear piercing siren wail followed.

"BUYING BACK. A. MAR-KERRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!" yelled the Cashier Sheila at the top of her lungs.

All of the cage staff gathered around. Most of them had never experienced this before.

Yes, I paid off that $500 marker I'd taken in case this trip went completely in the dumper! What a great feeling! I forked over my five bills and got back the chit with a great big red PAID stamp on it. With that, it was in the bag that I would stick to my $1000 gambling bankroll for this trip.

Unless I needed another marker later.

I crossed the street to Starship Binion's Gambling Hall and picked a lucky machine on which to play quarter Bonus Poker.

It only took 13 minutes and 47 seconds (roughly) before I hit four Pointies in the nicest possible way.
I put $20 in to start and cashed out $60 when I had enough for the first two 'Mother Load' swipes. My master plan was to (hopefully) win a cheeseburger.

First swipe - fucking useless 2 for 1 drink at the bar. If you can't get a free drink in Vegas without some stupid coupon, you're not trying.

Second swipe - $15 food credit at Binion's Cafe. Bingo!!!! Free cheeseburger time!

More to come!


    1. "Silver State mining expedition" is the funniest goddamn thing I've read in ages. Brutally funny Flusher!

    2. Free Pull Bill looks like Stan Lee's less successful brother.


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