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Monday, July 4, 2016

When the Fun Stops The Degen Hits the Gas!

Day 5 - Part 3

While out on my photo-journalism jaunt, I'd heard from Dr. Raoul and 'Tron - they kept the top down as far as Hoover Dam, then gave up and put it up. Even with the air conditioning running full blast, the heat with the top down was too much.

I expected to see them looking like a couple of pieces of crispy bacon later.

And just to wrap up loose ends, its time to talk about the hidden Flusher card at Luxor.

The question was, where do you hide a business card in the casino so that you a) don't get into trouble b) nobody sees you dump the card and just takes it c) nobody finds it for a week.

I'd wandered around and looked at bits of decoration that maybe I could slip a card under but didn't really see what I wanted.

A big contender was under a large, heavy portable sign outside the Pyramid Cafe - I could probably slip it under there surreptitiously, but the recipient, M_ILIS, probably would not feel great about dismantling an 8 foot sign to maybe find my business card buried underneath.

And then... it came to me.

Actually, as I was cashing in some Canadian money that the Quad Queen had given me 'for emergencies'. Because degenerate.

I spotted a place in the casino at one end of the cashier's cage - the end that was never open, and that was furthest from the security booth. Some receptacles in a place nobody ever went containing something that nobody in a casino was ever, ever going to disturb.

Almost like... a tomb in the Pyramid.
The Lonely Maytag Repairman of the casino pamphlet set.
There were four of these receptacles, mounted on the wall. Here's my message to M_ILIS:

At Luxor, proceed haltingly to the cashier's cage, dragging your feet, with your head bowed in sorrow, disgust, and self-shaming.

On the left side of the cage as you face it, there are four boxes of pamphlets on the wall. The upper left box contains a bunch of pamphlets entitled "Get To Know Responsible Gaming".

At the very back of the pamplets, I dropped a business card for you. I doubt anyone else will be accessing the pamphlets so it should still be there.

Let me know!

Mission accomplished, as far as I was concerned.

Having had some drinks and TV and what more could a poor boy want, I went out for gambling and food.

First stop, the downstairs, and I dropped $20 in the Golden Nugget's coffers. Rats.

Then, I headed over to Starship Binion's and played my free play there, and some money besides. I wanted to get at least two spins on the Spin 'n Wipe 'n Swipe wheel, hoping of course for cash, free play, or match play coupons.

I had $20 in free play and $10 free play from the LVA coupon.

I had an ok run, and built up enough points for two spins. This helped a little bit.

When I hit my 40 points for two spins, I cashed out! Me! Cashed out!!!
Next, the all exciting spins... I one the Level 1 'prize' and for Level 2, I won lunch. Or dinner. Or linner. The Level 1 'prize' was a slot card bungy cord. I passed, with extreme prejudice.
And I knew just what that linner was going to be - the Hangover Burger. And it was just as delicious as always.
You don't have to be a hangover to be a hell of a burger.
I don't know whether it's the greasy egg on top of the greasy bacon on top of the greasy burger patty topped with greasy cheese that makes it good or if its the greasy bacon under the greasy egg under the greasy cheese on top of the greasy burger.

But. Good. It. Is!!!

Back to the machines to get as much play on the day as I could without going into my stake. And yes, I lost the $33.75 voucher. And at that point, I had no money in my pocket at all, except for a few tip dollars.

I'd had fun and a good burger but I wanted some action! Fortunately, I found an actual penny machine. Not a penny machine that takes up to 360 pennies a spin (making it a three dollar sixty cents machine).

No, my little beauty maxes out at Nine Fucking Cents per Spin. And two bucks lasted me 20 minutes on that puppy.

Next stop, the Four Queens, where all it takes is a dollar - on Keno. (Didn't I mention that already?). I played one ticket, including the special anniversary numbers that would net a bonus if picked.

"Get your tickets in...  last call!" bellowed the mechanical canned voice, as she does before every game. Oh my goodness, the excitement was palpable. Either that or someone had 'spotted' the keno chair I slid into.

One after another I watched breathlessly as none of my numbers were drawn. Yes, that's the mind jolt of extreme keno action.

So, I lost that, and thought, well, I could go back to my room, and fuck around on the internet, and drink for free, and go to bed early.

Except that it was like, 6:20pm.

OK, I thought, you can do this. Just... go up and regroup. Distract.

So I did. And took another nice long break. I was in pretty good shape for the day, not up, but not terrible. I was pretty damn sure I had won at least $50 in the slot tournament. Hell, that was in the bag like Grandpa's Maalox.

It was dead on 8:00pm, and I thought the band might be starting at the Rush Lounge, so I headed down. I thought, I'll just see, and I'll check my card for free play, and I won't really play but Caveman Keno at a quarter a game, slowly, and I'll just take this one $100 bill down and play At The Very Most $20 of it.

So, yeah.

At 8:03 I was at the machine and I had $4.86 available in free play from play I'd done. OK. I thought playing 9 cents a spin was the lowest I could get, but taking my free play One Agonizing Dollar At A Time was lower. Every time I had to punch in a sequence of 29 keystrokes on a non-responsive touchscreen from 1988. All that and I'd get... a Dollar. The white coats watching me on the eye-in-the-sky were proud of this rat, let me tell you.

I tried to stretch my Keno games out as much as possible. Each dollar gave me four attempts.

At 8:09 I was out and there was no band.

Recognizing the danger of what I was about to do, I did it anyway - broke the hundred into five $20 bills.

Just $20, I thought. 25 cents a go at stupid Cavefucker Keno. I just want to hear the band, and have a bit of fun.
Cavefucker Keno
Is there any need to drag this out? Do you need to hear about how I struck up conversations with mincy grey-hair keno ladies about 'should I play 5... or 6 numbers'? Or 'what is your button pressing technique'.

Or my favorite, "What's the most amount of money on Keno that you almost won???"

Is there any need for you to hear how I buckled, went to the 7/5 Bonus machines, and played, waiting for the stupid band to start? And how by the time they fired up at 9:05 I was down to the last $20? Is there any need for me to tell you that I said 'fuggit' and played that last $20, got dealt four to a freaking Royal, which has been my total nemesis for about 150 consecutive failed attempts now?

Of course I don't.

I didn't hesitate, I just took the picture and hit deal, and failed again. It will come when it comes.

Meanwhile, I was out of cash. I got something to eat from Grille and headed upstairs. Done for the day.

It wasn't really a horrible day or anything. In fact, it was a really good one. I'd had some very rich experiences. I just didn't like going on tilt with the hundred. I'd have to protect myself a bit better if I wanted to reach my goals.

The need to take a marker, boost my bankroll, and ruin the trip was looking more and more likely.

Day: -$160
Trip: -$370
Bankroll Left: $630

The $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016: All Posts

Planning the $1K Scrounge Trip - June 2016

Do you do the 'book?
Like R.F, don't be a shnook!


    1. You could have just mailed M_ILIS a card...but where's the fun in that?

    2. Serious question-what IS the best to play on machine Keno. Catch 4, catch 6 or something else. Or do they all pay back the same on the machines?

      1. Serious questions beget serious answers. Because Keno is a serious game. It takes a lot of balls to play Keno. 80, actually.

        For the definitive answer, check out the Wizard of Odds Keno page

        There's a link to a Caveman Keno analysis there too:



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