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Sunday, September 11, 2016

Part 6 - Dreams Come True If You Throw Enough Money At Them

Here's part six from the long long ago trip report, back when the comps were easy and the machines full-pay.

We were at T.I. - people called Treasure Island that right from the get-go, so the official sign rebranding to T.I. was a savvy choice.

This day marked a huge change in our gambling mindset. In a way, its the dividing line between people just screwing around in Vegas for entertainment and people realizing that gambling could have a winning side.

We'd never be the same.

Fortunately, the Quad Queen was able to capture it in photos, and, like a mob stool-pigeon who's between a rock and a hard place and ready to sing, I was wearing a wire. Because Sonyc-Vysion(tm).

Note: If you are on your smartphone, or small tablet, go for landscape mode. Because otherwise it is a vertical mashup of bad html.

© 2000 Royal Flusher - All Rights Reserved

Royal Flusher's Sonyc-Vysion (tm) Trip Report

by Royal Flusher

Part 6 - Dreams Come True If You Throw Enough Money At Them

I am going to share a dream. It won't be easy for me. But I'm getting ahead of myself. First of all, Mrs. F. woke bright eyed and bushy eyebrowed that fateful Wednesday morning. I, on the otherhand woke dim eyed, and limp lidded. She readied herself for the morning's gaming while I lay with fatigue flowing through my every flaccid fibre. (Except one.)

Now, unlike many husbands, I am blessed with a wife that does not perform complex rituals in the washroom. Her ablutions are short, practical, and to the point. She uses the commode. (Don't be bashful reader, you do too.) She brushes her teeth. She dresses, grabs a granola bar, checks her cash supply and utters, "Gamble?"

I was so tired, I (unbelievably) begged off for more sack time. So my little Flushyanna bounded off on her own to seek her fortune.

I dreamed (and this is hard for me, so be gentle in your judgements) of a farm. My Aunt and Uncle's farm. Mounted on the side of the garage, was a slot machine. But first, I noticed incredibly detailed, art deco flying machines with many swooped wings, multitudes of pods, windows and engines. I admired one as it flew over and then thought, "I bet it will blow up and crash."

It did.

Another took off. And I decided to make this one crash spectacularly.

It did.

I was doing what some would call 'lucid dreaming'. Where you are dreaming, but you are aware you are dreaming and thus can control what happens. I prefer to think of it as a planetary alignment zombie state of psychic cognizance. Be that as it may, I turned to the slot machine, and played it once.

"After breakfast, it all came together. The money wheel. The dream. The feathers, the spirit dreams."

Huge jackpot. Coins raining down to the ground in a silver, clattering stream. My only thought was "I must get Mrs. F!" I frantically looked for a way to signal her, but there was none. Boy would she be proud!

The meter went up to 22,000 nickels. A small fortune in silver, metallic disks.

Just then, my lovely partner burst in the door and woke me. I asked her how she had done.

Perhaps it was the Ides of March. Or the Wheel of Fortune. The Sisters Three, or the Book of Fate. Maybe I had set something in motion with that money wheel back home.

She had five, crisp (okay, limp greasy and torn, you happy?) hundred dollar bills to show for her efforts. She'd hit four Aces and had a bit of other sundry luck. Re-energized, I rose, dressed, brushed, grabbed (and commoded, if you must know) and we waltzed off together back down to the casino.

I had some luck of my own, winning $200. We broke for a comped buffet breakfast. T.I.T.I's buffet is what I would call generically good. It's up to standards, but nothing to write home about (or write in a trip report about).

After breakfast, it all came together. The money wheel. The dream. The feathers, the spirit dreams. The past lives. The future tense. Pre-ordination. Luck, fate, and more luck yet again.

Here's what happened. We were playing the 1-100 coin machines at T.I.

>Back in those days, we had a very limited budget. We would play one coin at a time. We would take turns. After every hand we'd cash out the big, heavy brass tokens. And we'd stack them up on the machine in neat little towers.

We were cute beyond belief. It was quite sickening, actually.

When one of us had built up a profit (and in a very early version of the Strict Rules of Parlay), we'd play two or even three dollars on one hand. Remember, there was no penalty for playing less than max credits. A one credit royal paid 800 coins, a two credit royal paid 1600, and, well, a 100 credit royal paid $80,000.

In a moment of derring-do, pluck, and spunk... I announced that I was going to play FIVE dollars on one hand. Just one.>

This was un-precedented. We'd never taken such a risk. Really.

And Ohhhhhhh-my-gawwd I was dealt four to a royal. In spades.

I nudged my sweet Flushanola, so she could watch the fun. If I hit the royal we'd be looking at $4000.

I really felt in my bones that this was going to be "it". Yes, it was and that is what it was going to be. Read carefully, dear reader, for the next sentences are absolutely true, if beyond belief (at least on this plane of existence!!!!!!!!!!!)

I pressed the 'Deal' button.

I did not get a Royal Flush.

"Oh, gosh darn-it," I exclaimed. "One of these times…"

I pressed the Deal button again with my wife looking on.

Actually, I yelled "SHIT." And then I steamed for a while, and whined, and complained. And pounded the stupid machine. And in anger, in a complete tilt reaction, I punched the deal button again, without reducing my bet back down to one credit. I was so pissed off that I just didn't care and thought I might as well throw it all away.


I hadn't even been looking at the screen, I was so busy chewing the Quad Queen out for my unbelievably bad luck.

"What?" I said, and the music started.

Somehow, on my screen was a Royal Flush.

In spades.

Dealt to me.

My very first full-coin Royal. I wouldn't see another dollar Royal for 14 years.

Sonyc-Vysion (tm) Clip:

The Big Royal Flush Payout! (521K)

The screen immediately locked up and flashed 'Jackpot' and 'Call Attendant' alternately.

For those of you who are interested, I did not have to hold any cards - they were held automatically, so there was no chance for a royal screwup.

In my astonishment, I uttered, "Holy sh*t…" It was incredible. Strange enough to be dealt a royal. (A one in 160,000 chance I've heard). But to be dealt four to a royal in spades the hand before!

We made merry, celebrating and taking pictures. Many passersby congratulated us, and waited around for handouts. The attendants had me fill out various and sundry papers work and the bastards skimmed 30% off the top for tax withholding. I am a citizen of Canada and apparently this is the penalty for having relatively clean and safe cities, and an over-protective government.

Finally - the moment I've all been waiting for.
Note the stealthy Sonyc-Vysion(tm) mic near my fly.
It was only my second Royal Flush in seven trips to Vegas. My first was a $62.50 win in quarters. This one was $4000. Much better. The money wheel had come through, our trip would be free, free, free, and wee were happee, happee, happee!

The rest of the day was a haze of food, gambling, and spirits as high as the Stratosphere tower. Like one of those middle of the movie, we're now in love and doing silly things while a hit song plays montages.

We went over to Luxor and lunched at the Pyramid Café. Mrs. F. enjoyed the huge grilled chicken sandwich (made with huge chickens) and I tucked into a gigantic Philly cheese steak sandwich (made with beef from gigantic Philly cheese steak cattle).

We gambled a bit after lunch, and then gamboled - over to Paris (via cab, actually). Paris was fun, well themed etc., but a bit silly for people like us who are routinely exposed to French and even parlez-vous a bit.

For example, the slots with the sign featuring the very french phrase 'Le Jacque Pot' made us giggle like a couple of Lido chorus girls.

I clipped the cord onto my earlobe and asked again. Then I clipped it on my nose, and explaining that it hurt terribly, begged for one. By this time the attendant (let's call her Josephine) was laughing heartily. When I threatened to attach the clip to something below my waist, she gave in. In retrospect, I think I may have frightened her, but the free gift is more important than international relations, non?

We played some V.P. and slots and one complaint I have about Paris is that much of the floor is not carpeted. I feel sorry for the waitresses (great outfits, by the way) who must walk upon them hour after hour, bearing les boissons to thirsty gamblers.

One cool thing about the Paris casino, is that it is one of the few such establishments where there are a number of windows. Yes, you can see the sunlight (or lack of) while you play. It's quite refreshing.

Sonyc-Vysion (tm) Clip:

Mirage Volcano and Venetian Bells (785K)

We eventually made our way over to Miragee. If you haven't seen the fish tank behind the check in desk, take a look next time you are there. It's beautiful, huge, and free. The fish emit a lovely coconut scent that permeates the entire lobby. Be still my throbbing nostrils!
Mirage Volcano when it used to be cool. And hot.
A nice overhead night-time view of the T.I. Terror Tram. You can almost see the frantic victims passengers clawing at the doors.

Some of my favorite memories are in this post. I remember it so well.

We were petrified to carry around $2,800 in hundred dollar bills and scared to leave them in the room.

What a difference time and experience make - I would welcome the issue now!

Part 7 is next.


    1. An amazing and sad story simultaneously. I have never gotten that elusive dealt Royal evah! Pretty pretty amazing. Was that one event the one that sent you down the dark path? as Yoda would say.
      Just think that 1999 $4000 Royal was worth $5,772.42 in 2016 dollars. The sad fact is the $4000 Royal today is only worth a pittance value of $2,771.80 in 1999 dollars.

    2. Thank goodness you had that Savvy Flusher Hip Pack to carry around said $2800 American dollars... ;-)

    3. This post is really what Las Vegas is all about. You'll never forget it, and are blessed to have experienced it!


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