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Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Part 7 - Wither 'The Hat'?

The wrap-up from 1999. What a trip.

We had no idea that we were experiencing the last vestiges of a Vegas that was still sitting somewhere between the ways of the 50's and 60s that were hanging on by a thread, and the new corporate Vegas that would eventually actually charge for parking, as if to say "You want to come in here and lose your money, well you're gonna have to pay us to do it."

One thing that hasn't changed.
Taxi drivers in Vegas will still try to screw you.

I would never, ever let what happened stand today. I'd tell that cab driver that he'd better look again for change if he wanted to get paid.

Note: If you are on your smartphone, or small tablet, go for landscape mode. Because otherwise this trip looks like a four year old's home-made Hallowe'en costume.

© 2000 Royal Flusher - All Rights Reserved

Royal Flusher's Sonyc-Vysion (tm) Trip Report

by Royal Flusher

Part 7 - Wither 'The Hat'?

After winning $4000 the day before, Thursday was bound to be a let down unless we won $8000.

Well, we didn't.

Breakfast was again comped at the Lookout Café and we decided to grab a cab* over to Seizure's Palace in hopes of maybe getting another free Seizures mug like I did last trip.

*It seemed a lot farther away back then. I guess.

There are some full pay 50 cent VP machines beside Cleopatra's Barge and we wanted to give these a go. Our luck didn't hold and it was uneventful, as far as winning goes. Still, we were racking up points, even if losing our shirts. I had a coffee and was disappointed it wasn't in one of those nice Seizures mugs. I guess they've all been stolen. Scoundrels! When I had been planning to steal one myself!

A little ten-play nickel deuces helped pass the time. There was a slot carousel not far off which offered a Harley as a prize - it constantly played this annoying recording that could be heard throughout the area. I'm not sure what it said but I was convinced it was something like this: "Feel the power! Ride my cuestick!" and a bunch of other nonsense. Before long we were chanting along with the mantra each time it came on, even if we didn't know all the words. Why do they set up such annoying displays? It was almost as bad as 'It's a Small World' at Disney.

We checked in with the Emperor in his Club and got all kinds of comps. Free John Travolta gold medallions to wear around our necks. Two buffets (which would be good for the special lobster spread later that evening) and coupons for a hat and a t-shirt.

We went to the little logo store and I picked out a nice t-shirt, but was particularly taken with the black, soft, perfect fitting, wonderful, Seizures hat! It fit my head perfectly. (The top half of my head is a perfect hemisphere, apparently). Oh, how I loved that thing! It was ideal, and black, and, and Everything!

The day was moving along quickly, our last on this trip. Back at Miragee, we picked up our cash back and were pleased to find that we qualified for more buffets and they'd keep them on file for a year and a half. I hoped the food in the buffet was still okay to eat - that's a long time, even for a well preserved ham.

Sonyc-Vysion (tm) Clip:

Secret Garden (185K)

We got ready to check out at T.I.T.I - apparently, we should have charged our meals to our room. Our comp dollars would have gone farther that way. As it was, they only picked up one night, and the rest were at casino rate. We had $89 in cash back coming too.

If they write a comp for two at the coffee shop, they figure it at $60. But if you ordered a la carte, you might rack up half or two thirds that (especially considering we don't usually order alcoholic beverages). So if we'd done things that way, charging to our room, apparently there would be more they could do with the room charges. Live and learn - we used to do things this way at Luxor and always got the pointy end of the screw. If you know what I mean.

Our hearts were sad that we'd be leaving the next morning, but we had had a wonderful trip. Unfortunately we had a really early flight. We were well prepared, our suitcases packed, my black Seizures hat ready to be put on as soon as I was awake. Damn, I loved that thing. We got up at 5:00 AM, played a bit, and took a cab to the airport.

Sonyc-Vysion (tm) Clip:

Taxi California Joke (61K)

I slipped the hat off so I could snap some pictures of the Strip on the way to the airport. I figured I'd finish the roll off. So we got to McCarran, and the fricken taxi driver said he had only $7 on him. Seven lousy bucks!!! (Bullshit!!!!)

Hubris on a roll of film. Note that this sign, which was in clear view next to my Flushetariat states (apparently) "Not responsible for items left in cab."  Oh, how I miss the hat. Mrs. Flusher insists that somewhere, some way, the hat misses me too.

Of course, all I had was a twenty. I just knew the guy was bullshitting us, but I bit the bone and he got about a $6.00 tip out of it. Man, that made me mad.

Then I had a sickening, awful feeling. The hat. It was gone! I'd left it on the seat in the cab. The driver had ripped us off and he had my wonderful Seizures hat too. What could I do? I have tried to let go of the memory of my precious hat memory, but it's loss haunts me to this day.

What a trip! Finally, it was an all free trip, due to our winnings. The money wheel magic had really worked. That's the beauty of Vegas.

And, I'm working on getting the 30% tax withheld back. Apparently it's a possibility.*
Somewhere on the strip, some cheap-ass, cheating cab driver is enjoying the hat.

I'll tell you, though. Every now and again, a wistful look comes into Mrs. F's face. She knows what I'm thinking. She touches my hand gently and says, "Remember the hat?" I'll nod and wipe a tear. 

"I wonder where the hat is now…I sure miss the hat."

I swear, I'll go back to Seizures and lose enough to get another free, black, wonderful hat, to perfectly fit my lucky, perfectly hemispherical half head if it's the last thing I do.

Until then, remember the magic word...


The End

*It took almost three years but I did in fact get about two thirds of the money back. It required the monetary equivalent of anal probing by the IRS and about 3/4 of my lifetime supply of patience to do it.

"Wait! The trip report's not quite over yet! Exclusive *MA-TURE* content below - Intimate Moments with Linda Ronstadt!!!"

Sonyc-Vysion (tm) Clip:

WARNING - this clip contains rudeness:

Intimate Moments with Linda Ronstadt (337K)

Through the magic of Sonyc-Vysion (tm) YOU ARE THERE as I, Royal Flusher, share a special moment with singer Linda Ronstadt, or at least, her music.

On this occasion, the Sonyc-Vysion (tm) sound gathering apparatus was accidentally left active (right next to MY apparatus).

The results, err, 'speak' for themselves.

Listen . . . IF YOU DARE!**

This extra Sonyc-Vysion (tm) clip is NOT for the faint of heart, weak of nose, slight of ear, sour of breath, sore of throat, fair of skin, heavy of set, short of stature, or Anne of Green Gables.

**Dear God what was I thinking. R.F. 2016.

And that's the trip report. I'm glad I took the time to write this up back in 2000. I didn't know that as the years went by I'd pine for that era that was, if not classic Vegas, a little more classic Vegas than today.

Hope you enjoyed it!



    1. Thanks for digging this up, Flusher. It brought back so many memories of the way Vegas used to be. Now it's a clip joint. But I still go.

    2. Loved the "good ol' days report" RF!! You crack me up because everything you talk about has happened to most of us in Vegas....thank you!


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