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Friday, November 25, 2016

The Land of the Sparkly Brewfairies

Day 6 - Thursday Oct 27 - part 1

I woke up to a message from one of my Saskatchewan cousins, Piffles Flusher. It read:

"Flying out to Vegas. Made it to Caspar WY"

Now, when Piffles says he's flying somewhere, he's really flying. As in piloting. An airplane. An airplane that he owns.

This was great news - he's been trying to get down to Vegas when we're there for a few years now, and finally it was going to happen.

It was our last morning at the Cal, so we went at it with a vengeance. I figured by now we should have a few more Royals, so we were overdue.

The machines never see it that way though, they don't give a crap about fairness. Like a baptist girl on the first 17 dates, she'll give you what she gives you and you'd better be happy about it because she ain't giving you any more.

It's probably not nice to compare a decent, young baptist girl with a gambling device. But Ma Flusher were one, and besides, who said this blog was nice? Or decent for that matter?

I started the day with (big fucking surprise) getting up. And hitting Lappert's for my morning jolt. They are starting to get to know me, I don't even show ID anymore. Or maybe its just that I tip.

Unmentioned from yesterday but thoroughly predictable, we had us a Keno ticket. One of my jobs whilst down in the casino environs, was to go and pick up the vast winnings from said ticket.
Keno is a professional sport, something that the experts 'suit up' for.
I scanned the ticket in the scanner. It only took me 38 tries to get it to read the bar code, thus heightening the suspense and edutainment I was getting from the game.


I took the ticket to Max, who scanned it.

"Three dollars. You want to play it again?"

"I'll take the cash, Max. A win is a win," I said, like the savvy gambler I am.

"Here you go. Good luck."

"Actually, Max, it isn't like I won three dollars. It's more like... I lost three dollars less than the twenty dollars I expected to lose."

"You go, girl," said Max.

The Aloha Lady had hoisted herself out of bed, and performed her morning beauty ritual, which consists of brushing her teeth, and reloading her wallet with hundred dollar bills. I love a woman who can cut to the chase.

And in this case, the last gasp chase would take place across the rainbow bridge, in the land of the sparkly brewfairies who wear suits of Royals, at the green felt field, where the babbling brook of coin-dropping quarters meets the scratch card mountains, and the streets are paved with Aces.

Sounds nice, right? Well, let me tell you something. We must have taken a wrong turn down the fuck you highway before the rainbow fucking exit, because, between us, $1000 and 40 minutes later on ten play, we hadn't hit a single fucking brewfairy, let alone a four of a kind.

We weren't anywhere near our $10K coin-in goal each. More like half that each. It was bitter and black, just like my coffee.

So. I called it. Time to quit and enjoy the break that hauling all our shit out of the Cal would provide. Besides, I know we'd gone over on most of the days at the Cal.

It was pretty depressing. The next stop was to go and convert our points to cashback. Between us, we raked in $450.

Back in the room, we packed up, ready for the next part of our adventure. But not before I ran some numbers - a little comp spin.

I like to comp spin when I'm a big loser. Comp spinning is a way of calculating and recalculating comps and cashback and so on so that it seems like I'm not nearly as much of a loser as I really am, and so that it proves the sour whiny grapes I'll be going on about for days.

So let's have a bash at it.

My coin in at the Cal/Fremont/Main Street Station was $62,000. The Quad Queen's coin in was $75,000 (degenerate).

So, between us, we'd played $137,000 and lost $3,800 (ulp).

For the sake of comp spin, let's say that all that coin in was on quarter Bonus Poker. (Probably 92% of it was.)

That's a return of 97.23%. We lost 2.77% of our coin in. (That's a way better return than slots, which are typically in the low 90%s, sometimes lower.)

At $1.25 a throw, that's about 109,600 hands of quarter video poker. Now, on Bonus Poker, played perfectly, you should see a Royal Flush about once every 40,200 hands.

We'd had but one Royal between us. We should have had 2.72 Royals more than we did, statistically speaking. (Bastards!)

The payback of Bonus Poker is 99.17% or so. The Royal accounts for 1.99% of that. If you add back a little for the missing Royals, you come pretty close to the theoretical return of the game.

The important point here is, who cares. We were unlucky!
Let's look at the comps and goodies received!

Cashback of $450
Room $60 x 6 nights = $360 (that's probably low, you have to include 13% room tax on the normal room rate. A parlor suite would sell for more than $50 or so - more like $100)
Food = $910
Limo to and from airport = $140
Comps of $1860

$3800 loss - comps of $1860 is a net loss of $1940. That's much better, now, isn't it?!

"Flushie, why are there so few pictures in this post?"

"Because.... nothing happened worth taking a picture of. It was that bad."

We weren't too depressed about all this - we were moving to the Nugget, which would bring a change of scene, less demands on our gambling budget, and best of all... freeplay! Our budget could sure use the boost.

Lots more to come!!!



    1. I had figured your losses at 2.8% which is pretty F'ing incredible that you stayed so close to variance given for that many hands. EV could have gone the other way. Now had you been playing DDB for all those hands, one wonders if you would be deep into positive variance given the number of Aces with kickers.

    2. The next time I see you in Vegas, can you do the math for ME? It won't take long...small numbers, so you can calculate on your fingers. What a sad post. I am sniffing as I write this...and I don't have a cold.


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