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Saturday, December 10, 2016

Happy HalloWynn! Flarp!

Day 10 - Mon Oct 31 - part 4

We needed to figure out some costumes that had all of the following characteristics.

They had to be light and not very bulky.

They had to be cheap.

They had to be simple.

There had to be fuzzy ears involved.

They had to have some element of awesome that made it all work.

The Quad Queen thought of the perfect idea. We would dress up as skunks.

The whole thing was maybe $50. We got two 'Skunk Kits' online, which consisted of little fuzzy ears, and tails that attached to your belt. We bought some lengths of long skinny fur for markings. Mrs. F also bought a really long black wig for herself. Add a couple of black t-shirts, black pants, and some adhesive, and we were ready.

Except for that one thing. The thing I'd bought at Walmart.

Yes, a quality made in China based on the original Florida design self-inflating Whoopee Cushion, the element of awesome.
Thank goodness for the ALL NEW MATERIAL.
Dressed as skunks, we would walk around Wynn, using the Whoopee Cushion to make loud farting noises, and then smile and fan our little skunk tails. It was perfect. Cute, humorous, unexpected, and the perfect counterpoint to the incipient Wynn snobbery that already stunk up the joint. (I only say that because I don't have enough money to exhibit incipient snobbery, and I'm jealous of those who do.)

Oh my God it was fun. We farted our way down the long curved hotel hallway, and took the elevator down to the casino.

Walking along, we cased our first victim - a woman walking purposefully along. I let the Whoopee Cushion go right behind her a few times, but I'm not sure she was paying enough attention to notice two skunks in the casino spraying her.

Time to hone my technique.
And in fact, the whole Hallowe'en spirit was decidedly muted at Wynn. There were some costumes, but not many. Not many at all. It was the complete opposite of the incredible dress-up jamboree that happens on Fremont Street.

We were so few that we costumed individuals would give each other nods of approval and recognition.

However, we were undaunted. Nobody was going to pour tomato juice on our skunkly parade! Next victim? We went whole hog. A security guard.

I gave him quite a few blasts from behind, and he finally turned around. I gave him the patented skunk under-tail wave wave wave. I think he was amused. At least he didn't throw us out.

We wandered around wreaking havoc, gassing all and sundry. Gamblers, slot attendants, Red Card staff, cocktail waitresses - you name it.

But would we have the nerve to attack in the holy of holies... the check-in desk? Where there was quiet, and wide open spaces, with nowhere to run, nowhere for a skunk to hide?

You better believe we did.

A couple of guys were waiting for their buddy to check in and motioned me over there. I let him have it and they killed themselves laughing.

I never thought it would be so much fun to wear furry ears and be a skunk for a night.

Of course, we hit the casino for a little gambling. I wanted to just sit back and play some stupid Keno, as I wasn't having much luck at anything else anyway.
Lady, how can you not notice a SKUNK four feet away from you???

Something eary going on...

 As is my custom, I was dealt four-to-a-Royal on Video Poker.
 I didn't get skunked, but I might as well have.

I think the funnest part of this was at the end of the night. We got in an elevator and at the last second, some more folks got on. Then some more. And then a couple more.

There were maybe ten of us in there, and I was right behind a gorgeous woman who was decked out to the nines (in non-skunk apparel).

Just like most elevator rides everyone looked at their feet, at the numbers, or at their phones.

Silence prevailed until...


I let her have it.

There was a slight stiffening of everyone's shoulders at this disgusting, greasy, full-on fart to end the ages. Nobody said a word, but I let the couple just behind and to the right of me in on the joke. They stifled a giggle.

I let a couple of floors slide by.


The woman in front of me stood at attention, staring straight ahead. Her body was stiff as a surfboard, she was just waiting until she could get OUTTA there.

A couple more floors.

Then I got creative.

I let out a big FLARRRRRRRRRRPPPPP!!!!!!!!!, and then a Squeaker, and a couple of Shirley Temples.

And then just to make it obvious, a serious of Machine Gun Kellys.

And I spoke.


That was enough. Everybody turned to look and the elevator erupted in laughter. The couple behind me had tears rolling down their cheeks.

Up close and personal skunking was by far the best. I think next year I won't even leave the elevators.

RF:  Day -$620 Trip -$4400
QQ: Day -$700 Trip -$550
Combined: -$4950
Failed four-to-a-royal attempts: RF: 46, QQ: 8
Royals: RF: 0 QQ: 1

Somehow we managed to do $45,000 coin in at Wynn, which would get us the moon downtown. We got $45 free play out of it.

Would you believe.... there is lots, lots, lots, more to come? More than you can wave a tail at.


    1. Vvvvvery good royal. u r the orignal, that's for samn sure!!

    2. I'm in tears from the elevator story!


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