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Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Ms. Tacoma Narrows

Day 15 - Fri Nov 4 - part 2

I guess by now, if you've been reading along faithfully, you are wondering 'just how bloody long was this trip?'

Well, the answer is DAMN LONG.

Over two weeks long.

Flusher says, if it's worth doing, it's worth overdoing. And Flusher says, its not a party until somebody's spilled a drink on an electrified video poker machine at the Tropicana.

We found some pretty cool machines way in the back of Tropicana. And, since we are degenerates, we played them. But I had a problem with mine.

This was a multi-play game. You could choose from 1 to 50 hands at a time, but there was no shortcut buttons to select a number of hands, like there is on the newer ones. No, you had to press the on-screen button for number of hands repeatedly and it would increase sequentially. So if the machine were set to 3 hands, and you only wanted to play 1 hand, you had to go through 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39, 40, 41, 42, 43, 44, 45, 46, 47, 48, 49, 50, 1, 2 - SHIT!

The only problem was, I would press the button 9 or 10 times and then the game would go into display mode and reset the number of hands at the same number I started at.

I've never seen that happen before. So, we put the service light on, and the guy came to help.

"Hi, my name is The Guy. How can I help?" he said.

He wore a blue shirt, and had a 28 pound tool belt, a radio, and he displayed a fine plumber butt. All the time.

I explained the problem and he started fooling with the buttons and next thing you know, he'd knocked over our drinks.

And then he went off to get cleaning supplies, leaving us stranded, the ice melting slowly into the ticket dispenser of a 12,000 volt video poker dynamo.
Can you hear the Dinah-Moe Humm?
We backed up outta there and waited until the cleaning was done. He fished out my ticket with a pair of zircon-encrusted tweezers and that was that.

The AM-PM across from Luxor is a great place to get snacks and other dubious virility aids, while foiling the overpriced corporate greed-driven deadly 'lobby stores' in the big hotels

Breakfast!!! Ready to go!!!

How about a hermetically sealed outer space suit Beef Hot Dog? Or is that just too much good stuff?

If Leonardo DiCaprio had had one of these 4' by 4' Rice Krispie Treat panels in Titanic, he could have floated all the way to Newfoundland on it - and had snacks on the way.

Labeled, helpfully, "for men".
Bachelor number one... if you were an AM PM virility powder package spokesmodel... what animal would you be?

I'd be a Rhino 11, and I can't wait to stamp out your desire. No... wait...

Bachelor number two? What's your virility animal?

I'd be a great big orange and white Black Tiger - and I'd try to get you to rub off my stripes.

Oooh, that sounds... futile - okay, Bachelor number three?

Baby, I'm Super Panther 7K. I'm not sure why. I mean, I haven't been on a date in 9 years, but on my last date I was told that I might have a Super Panther as my spirit animal. Okay, actually, it was just a housecat. I'm not really a cat person, though more of a goldfish -

Thank you Bachelor Number Loser.

My pal Kevin and his wife Mrs. Kevin were hosting us for dinner at Hugo's Cellar. We got cleaned up, and headed downtown.

We had an amazing meal - steaks, scampi, wine, dessert - the whole 9 yards.

As always, the Kevins were generous hosts, and wonderful company.

At Hugo's, the ladies get a rose. After dinner, the Quad Queen spotted a lonely old girl and gave her the flower.

"What the hell are you doing? We might need that!" I shrieked, but it was too late.

Well! When we exited the garage, we had no way of proving we'd been at Hugo's - I had neglected to get my ticket stamped.

"If you ate at Hugo's, the rose the lady gets is your parking pass," the attendant said.

"See?! Harumph!"

Back at Luxor, we played a bit in the high limit room. I took at least four  photos of computer screens with renderings of playing cards upon them.

Dealt quad... nice.

Waiting for the elevator to the Tower rooms, was a 6 foot 3 skinny black woman in 7 inch heels, tight tight dress, swaying like the Tacoma Narrows bridge, threatening to break apart at any second.

QQ and I both had travelers from the casino, another couple carrying a beer each were there, and two more people, empty handed were waiting also. We all shuffled into the elevator.

"Uh oh...." I piped up, "some of us in the elevator don't have drinks!"

"I'm so drunk, I don't even know why I have this," said Ms. Tacoma Narrows, holding up a beer. "But I feel glad. I feel glad."

"Because... beer?" I said.

"Hell ya it's beer," said another guy. "That's all you need to know."

Ms. Tacoma made a great show of crossing and blessing herself 9 different ways.

"Jesus needs to bless us here in the elevator," she said, in a soft, low voice.

"Jesus is in the elevator?" I asked.

"He turned water into wine, and he blesses the wine... and the beer."

"Jesus drinks beer?" someone said.

Ms. Tacoma Narrows touched the wall panel with a very large hand. And then a door. And then another panel. "He needs to bless the elevator - THIS... and THIS... and THIS! Our time is at hand."

There was a pause and one of the guys holding a drink says, "Great, we're at the end and I'm drinking fucking orange juice."

Don't blame me, that is exactly how it went, err, down. I jotted it down 30 seconds after we were saved from the elevator and Mr. Tacoma Narrows.

RF: Day -$100 Trip -$5545
QQ: Day +$100 Trip -$850
Combined -$6395

Between the two of us, we broke even today. A good day!

    1 comment:

    1. I believe this Tacoma Bridge clip was required watching in my physics class in college. Totally roared at the start of your post with the food and er, "male enhancements".


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