The Key to Financial Ruin and Eternal Hardship - Steve Wynn's Nuts

Day 8 - Sat Oct 29 - part 3

Piffles!!!!!! And his wife Ronco. 

The room at Wynn was gorgeous, and I was certain Granville, my check-in man crush guy, had put us about $15M net worth higher than we deserved to be. Granville clearly really liked us, not like the thousand other people he's checked in this week, he more liked us. Like, a lot more. I never felt more important in my life, and I was determined to spend a lot of money at Wynn in keeping with my apparent status.

We poured a couple of relaxants and kicked back a bit, enjoying the as yet unsullied perfection of the Wynn room with its blimp hangar sized bathroom, 800 bed pillows, and virginal "don't touch me there" mini-bar and snack tray.

Our view wasn't the best - mostly Encore, construction to the left, and some of Vegas to the right, plus the golf course that is soon going to be ripped up for a water skiing pond.

I don't get it either.

Resorts World - still under 'construction'.

We got unpacked a bit, and I did some stuff online. It was nice to start to unwind.

I really don't start to relax until about a week of vacation, which is why I take long vacations. The first seven days of the trip had been all about hammering the video poker, in a red hot button-frenzy of computerized gambling. It was great.

It was a surprisingly short time before I got another text.

"We're at the elevators."

Piffles!!!!!!!!!

---

I went down and fetched my cousin Piffles Flusher and his wife Ronco. They were standing uncomfortably close to the suit jacketed security minion who checked keys of the very important people headed for the elevators.

"Flusher!!!" shouted Piffles as I walked up.

"Piffles!!!" shouted I, and then, "Ronco!!!"

"Roni," said Ronco.

I looked at her and smiled. "Of course."

It was sure great to see them down here in Vegas. We started catching up immediately, and I took them up to the room.

"Quad Queen!!!" shouted Piffles.

"Piffles!!! Ronco!!!" shouted the Quad Queen.

"Roni." said Ronco.

"Of course." said the Quad Queen.

"Now that we're done shouting each others names, I want to show you guys something." I gestured to the virginal "not until we're married" mini-bar and "you can't afford it" snack tray. "See this???"

Piffles leaned in for a closer look.

"Back OFF Piffles!!! This is the key to financial ruin and eternal hardship. What ever you do, DON'T TOUCH IT. Don't even look at it. EYES DOWN!!! One false move and I've bought a tiny container of Steve Wynn's nuts for $29."

"Roger that," said Piffles.

"Now that I'm done berating my guests, how about a cheek reddener? I've got some vodka and some Jameson. And ice. And coke. And that's about it."

"Clear to pour! Give me the house special," said Piffles.

So, we sat and had a few belts, had a few laughs, talked about old times, and raised 'em high in memory of the flyers who'd bought it and augered in.

"So, you got here pretty fast from the Henderson airport. Did you leave your stuff in the rental car or have you checked in somewhere already?"

"Oh we cabbed it straight here. Fifty bucks."

"Yikes. And... your luggage?"

"Checked it downstairs. We asked after a room - $600!"

"Yeah, few hours notice, one of the top hotels in town... I'm not surprised."

That's when I stuck my foot in it.

"You are going to have one hell of a time finding something for tonight on short notice."

Piffles took a long chug, down to the ice, and handed me his plastic cup for a refill.

"Pretty nice in here, lots of room," said Piffles, looking around. "Two big double beds..."

For once I had nothing to say.

Piffles.