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Monday, March 20, 2017

Old Man Winter is a Prick

The last time I stepped from the Cinnabon-freshened air at McCarran airport in Fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada, onto the jetway, which in my set of twisted mental rules is not part of Las Vegas, I had a lot of questions.

When would I return to Vegas?
Would I return to Vegas?!
Do I even want to return to Vegas?!!
Will I have a hung-over fat sweaty guy in the middle seat next to me?!!!

Here's the pattern:
  • 2014 - ass-kicked all year, massive comeback win in the fall
  • 2015 - butt-violated all year, massive comeback win in the fall
  • 2016 - abraded with extreme prejudice all year, massive thud like a turd hitting a ceramic floor in the fall
2016's foray into the gambling den of inequity was funded primarily with refunds from the IRS of taxes withheld in previous years, plus some nickel and dime moneytization revenue, plus some incredibly generous presses of the Donate button on the site. You know who you are! You can sleep easy knowing you supported the (black) arts, not to mention the burgeoning internet litterary scene.

(See what I did there?)

Because of a sickening dearth of big wins (dearth means fuck-all royals), and notwithstanding the oddball $1000 one and only royal of 2016 at the Flusherville casino, the IRS-funded bankroll is decimated.

So, no more racing back to Vegas.




It was time to let Old Man Winter's smothering arms around me, his frigid life-sucking liver-spotted arms, icy tight around me, and not in a good way, while I sat shivering for 3 months thinking about what I'd done. Old Man Winter smells of ammonia, bitter pills, Rub A535, and chicken soup. Old Man Winter is a prick.
Old Man Winter sucks. Why can't I have Young Hotty Blows???

I put in a solid two months straight time, on the square. No posts. No blogging. Yeah I kept active on some of the fine message boards out there, but I went cold turkey sandwich on Vegas. I watched a lot of those Gold and Treasure shows.

Apparently, the real Curse of Oak Island is the fucking Sherlock Forest or something of nose-hairs Marty has shamelessly has avoided landscaping.

It took until mid-March for the Vegas tingly-wingly feeling to start creeping back into my freeze-dried loins, just in time to slap Old Man Winter's greedy hands away from the Money Pit, as it were.

And I started to think of (yet another) approach to Vegas.

I wanted some decent amount of time to pay penance, to work on my already amazing physique (my Dr. said he's amazed I'm alive), and to do some careful preparation before the inevitable lurch into compulsive degeneracy.

But what about a bankroll?

What indeed.

It's the first day of spring! I'll figure something out.

Rick Lagina ashamed of his nose hair botanical fucking garden.
Kudos to you loyal Flushies who kept refreshing this page for the last 10 weeks waiting for a new post! Thank you.


    1. about time - I've been worried! Going April 24-28 myself. You really should do a meet-up event "FlusherFest"

    2. 2016 kicked my ass too, but I ended my royal drought on my first trip of 2017. You can do it too !!

    3. The scrounge trip proved even a degenerate like yourself could do a long Vegas trip on a 1K bankroll. Yes I know the massive FP offers are gone, but one can donate plasma twice a week in Canada now. With bonuses better Mlife, TR, and Hawaiian Rewards a Flusherville resident can rack up a whopping $420 in just 12 plasma donations. That's enough money to keep you in Oxtail Stew, CFTUG, and emergency cheese for two weeks. Looking forward to the next update!

    4. We all have been there royal. No time to roll over and pout. Tomorrow, they say, a new day. And April a fine time to dive in.

    5. It is difficult Flusher to stay away. My last trip in March was almost devastating with lack of 4OAK's But then I received, for the first time (maybe due to my debauchery) an offer from Orleans for 4 nights, %50 in food, and $120 in slot play. They got me. I do look forward to another Flusher and Quad Queen excursion to sin city.