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Thursday, May 25, 2017

Flusher Rotisserie Space Convection Oven

If the heat of the heart of the nuclear sun had a color, it would be the white hot heat color of light spotlighting the entire valley and bouncing off the pavement into my face.
In the Heart of the White Hot Heat Sun.
It's May and it's white heat hot here.

Savvy gamblers like moi eschew the heat and endure it only under the most critical of circumstances, otherwise chilling in the cool blue blowy comfort of their home casino.

However, I found myself in a circumstance where needs must.

The circumstance?

Coupon run.

You may recall from previous insipid posts that I have a knack for losing money on match play coupons, which, according to Jimmy Poon, are a sure thing in the long run.

The only sure thing I have is the gaping hole in the match play compartment of my Flusher Utility Wallet.

However, I decided to give it another go, and walked on melting feet to the Plaza as my starting point. Not only was it explosively hot, the wind was blowing like Lonnie Lo.
Lonnie Lo - Lo Blows vintage jazz vinyl lp record

(I've been listening to music from the Royal Flusher Records old vinyl catalog. This morning, my musical inspiration was Lo Blows, by Lonnie Lo.)

This wind turned my world into a Flusher Rotisserie Space Convection Oven. I hurried into the puffy, scented comfort of cool blowing air in the Plaza.

I obtained both the Las Vegas Advisor coupon book, and the American Casino Guide, which is chock full o' coupons as well.

My freeplay amounted to fuck naught.

And with some trepidation, I bought in at the blackjack table and played a hand of blackjack for $25 of my cash, plus the coupon.

My cards: ten of spades, six of diamonds.

Dealers cards: OMG IT'S AN UNMITIGATED DISASTER (aka ten showing)

I always hit 16 unless the dealertron has a bust card. It's the way I do it, every time. That way, I don't agonize over it. Plus, it's the correct play.

I signaled for a card by raking my curled, gnarled fingers across the felt, as though I were being dragged back to the grave. Or maybe Davey Jones' BJ Locker.

My card: A five.

A beautiful match play winning five!

But wait! The dealertron could still draw to 21 for a push. But let's not screw around here, the dealertron flipped over 20 and I walked away a $50 winner.

At the Golden Gate, I hit match play gold. I had two $25 match plays.

And I won them both!!!

Next, I rode a camel to the door of the Smug Nugget, and dove inside just before my shirt spontaneously combusted.

It was an easy jump across the street to the Four Queens, where I greeted It's Jay! with my usual greeting: "IT'S JAY!!!".

As usual, I won nothing on the free pull he was running. Nothing much happened in the Four Queens, either. My freeplay there turned into fuck naught.

At the D (D is for 'Decibel'), I had two $25 match plays, and two
$5 match plays.

I thought I'd start out small, and then go big. I won the first $5 match play, and thought I had the process wired. I couldn't lose!!!

I lost the next three bets.

But still, I was way ahead on the adventure.

Next, Licorice Petey pointed the general direction to the El Cortez, and gave me two canteens of ground water, and some hard tack. He wouldn't give up any chaws of licorice though - a man has limits when he's called Licorice Petey.

Halfway to the El Cortez, I greeted my favorite rasta steel drum playing street musician, he of the mile wide smile and the half mile wide gold teeth. My greeting amounted to five bucks in his bucket, as he was in the middle of a number.

At the Elco, all the slot club computer systems were down, so no couponing for me.

I had some adventures there, and then went down the back alleys to the Downtown Grand.

The progressives at the bar on double double bonus video poker were super high. Not sky high, but close. Around $300 for Aces, and $780 for Aces kicker.

I thought back to the other times I'd nailed the Aces bonuses at this very bar, and sometimes on my freeplay.

Well, I made good and nailed the aces on freeplay.

With great bravado, I texted the Quad Queen and said, "One down. One to go."

Damn it's great winning on freeplay!

This isn't all of the story. I left out some information in the live update that (click bait) you're not going to believe!!! 

Read the full account of the amazing freeplay buttonfucking of the Downtown Grand in Pointies, Pointies, Who's Got The Pointies?.

Meet Licorice Petey in one of my favorite and more whimsical posts, Riding the Rails with Licorice Petey.

    1 comment:

    1. Ahhhhh, The D for decibel. That explains it. I swear, I spend at least 100 nights a year watching bands play loud music in tiny venues and I am totally fine. Ten seconds in The D and I can't take anymore.

      Great win with the free play!


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