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Wednesday, June 7, 2017

Utsa Matzah For You?

Day 2 - Wed May 17, 2017 - continued

My big craps experience left me ready for a shower and a nap, so I floated back to my room, humming Taco Bueno's "Tijuana Soul Bop" and smiling. Back at the room, if you have to know, yeah, I showered, yeah I grabbed a nap.

Time for dinner. The question is, what happened to lunch? I guess it must have become a Vegas Liquid Lunch.

I opted for the Beach Cafe, the decor of which sports a (wait for it...) beach motif. The worst thing about the Beach Cafe was the horrible folding beach 'directors' chairs they used to have. They were probably designed by a chiropractor to drum up business.

After a number of visits, finally, finally, they ditched the horrid ass-trap back busting beach chairs and replaced them with something better, in wicker. Thank goodness, the new chairs are reasonably serviceable.

I felt like I was coming down with something, which wasn't much of a surprise given the stress of the last 10 days, a weekend funeral trip to Saskatchewan and back, and two days later, another long tiring trip to Vegas.

Some soup seemed like a good way to start. In my long, full, rich life, I'd never had matzah ball soup. Hell, I didn't even know that matzah's had balls. It was based on chicken broth, so I went for it, and for the main, ordered the Southwest Chicken Salad.
The balls are dropped into a pot of salted boiling water or chicken soup... The balls swell during the cooking time of approximately 30 minutes. - Wikipedia
The soup - the broth and hearty chicken hunks - was excellent. The matzah's tasted like gummy breadcrumbs and sawdust packed into balls, glued together with something unknown. My oh my they were awful.

And now, since this is the first time I've had them, I have no idea if I hate matzahs or if I just had the world's worst matzah.

And, goddammit, the exact same thing happened the first time I ever ate poi. It smelled funky, like it had fermented, and tasted even worse. Like ass funk paste gone bad. Is poi supposed to taste that way, or was this poi off?

Is poi used to glue together gummy breadcrumbs and sawdust packed into balls? It seems likely.

I've had the Southwest Chicken Salad before and it's excellent. Deep fried coated chicken breast atop a salad packed with prizes including black beans, corn and jalapenos. And bacon. Tossed in ranch dressing Recommended.

After dinner, blackjack, where I started out quite strongly, not busting in the first 25 minutes. They continuously brought me glasses of Maker's Mark on ice and forced me to consume them.

One had was particularly interesting. I was dealt 5, Ace, dealer had a facecard showing.


"Suck matzah balls," I said. I never take insurance.

I was on first base and signaled for a card. Another Ace. I signaled for another card. A shitty 6.

Now I had 13.

I scratched the felt.

Another Ace. Now I had 14.

I looked the dealer in the eyes and scratched the felt.


Unreal. A third Ace.

Now I had 15. So what.

I scratched the felt.


The dealer slipped a card out of the shoe, stood it up, and let it flop over.


Now I'm sitting with six cards on the carpet, and four Aces. And I've got 15.

But that dealer's paint was looking fiercely at me. I think it was the Bitch Queen of New Orleans or sumpin'.

I scratched the felt. I never stop hitting until 17 or higher in such a situation.

"You sure you want another card?"

"As sure as Sherlock. DO IT."

The table gasped.

A beautiful 4.

Smugly, I waved off and sat back to see what would happen. I had 19. Dealer had an 8 tucked under, and I won the hand.

Snuck a picture too.

It was a seesaw for over an hour, and then my luck turned badly. I had never really gotten up very much, but not down very much either, and I was enjoying the session greatly. But those last 5 minutes or so, next thing I knew I'd dumped $100 in chips and had $25 left.

Time to walk.

I kind of went on a Beeefffaloooo! frenzy playing on a bunch of different machines. I was in that "I won't stop until I get a bonus!" pon farr.

I did manage a bonus of $50, which was great, and then I needed another. This time it was $1.90 when it came.

Time to hit some more video poker.

I got three quads on double Slutty Times Pay, never with a multiplier. But the cool thing was, I made back some money. Still, I was in the hole quite a bit for the day, on machines.

Last gasp for cash? The $25 in chips I still had in my pocket. The craps table. $10 on the line, $15 in odds, three rolls, gone.

And so was I, up to bed, for it was almost 4:00am my time. I'd vacationed good today!

Here's how the Poon-o-matic Gamble Gauges looked at the end of Day 2.

I'd have to tone down the machine play, or get bloody lucky soon.

Lots more details and surprises to come!


    1. I'm tired of getting nickeled and dimed in VP. What do you start betting like a man instead of a mouse?? I'm going to be really bummed out if I see a $200 Royal.

      (Besides that , great report so far - as always!)

      1. What's worse than playing nickels and not even hitting a Royal?
        Playing nickels and hitting a Royal.

    2. Interesting you seem to be kicking VP to the curb (especially single line) and spreading it around with more Blackjack and CRAPS. You should try some Ultimate Texas hold em with cheese!

      I used to play tables. I also used to go for a week on $600 and make it. Now I can blow that in a day pretty easy on the VP, so maybe you are onto something here...Balance it out, VP sucks well Blackjack brings you back etc. I like it.


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