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Sunday, June 25, 2017

Vegas Nosality

Day 6 - Sunday May 21, 2017 - continued

For some reason I'd been feeling a little punk since I got to Vegas. No, that does not mean inappropriate touching of Iggy Pop's ever-present nipples. I'd just had that nagging feeling like I was fighting a cold or something. Considering the stress of the days prior to the trip, it would not have surprised me.

But this often happens in Vegas, because of the smoke, dry air, and late nights. There's a medical term for that feeling that you might be getting a cold - it's called Vegas Nosality.

It had been quite a few days now, and nothing really had developed. But man I was tired. On the other hand, 74 flights of stairs.
Jimmy Poon made movie GIF magic from two images. He says it "Jiff". And he's always right.
I hit the triple play deuces. I would be camping out at the Cal for the rest of the trip, and I'd planned that this would be my main video poker pursuit - I wanted those Deuces for once!!! Or thrice!!! (And maybe a Royal?)

I had a pretty good session on $100. And I was dealt the almost-money hand once - three deuces times three hands.

Fail. Fail. Fail. Didn't even get a fake Royal out of it.

But I did $1500 coin in and when I found myself up $1.25, I cashed. That was not too shabby a session, decent coin in, and didn't cost me anything. And it was fun.

I'd already had a nap today and I headed up to the room for a second one. Pretty sad, eh? But my pal Kevin was in town, staying at the Four Queens as he likes to do, and we had plans to meet up a the Chicago Brewing Company and then dinner at Hugo's, as we like to do.

Kevin has a boatload of comp dollars at the Four Queens. He'd have to order a flotilla of crab legs to even come close to burning through them all. So he generously takes care of the bill at Hugo's, while I regale him with my observations of video poker savvy, which usually go like this: "WHY can't I fucking WIN???!!!"

He always says, "Just keep pushing the buttons... it will happen. Trust the math."

I managed to drop off enough to feel re-energized and headed out to the Four Queens. Kevin was there enjoying a gigantic beer, and I pulled up a stool next to him. It's always great to catch up. I put $20 in the machine so that I could get a comped drink and by the time the drink came the $20 was gone. It's almost as if they planned it that way...

We had a great time talking and having a few, and shortly after headed down to Hugo's. We usually get the escargot, and rib steak or New York Strip, medium rare. Kevin stuck to the program and I diverted off into Crab Leg Bay on my Plate.

I resisted the temptatation to fuck with the "salad made at your table" guy. What I really like to do is to do something different with each one of the 98 salad ingredients he offers.

"Iceberg or Romaine?"

"Do you have diet Iceberg? No? OK regular Iceberg."


"Is it the kind that goes in French onion soup?"


"Have a heart, waiter!"


"Or is it... To-mah-toes??? Hmmm? Well? Is it???"


"Thank you! You look rather -  radishing - tonight yourself, big boy!"


"Do you have any round croutons? I eschew all rectangular food. In fact, my geometrist insists. The Schwing Fay is all wrong with rectangular foodstuffs."

"Blue cheese?"

"Yes, but none that is moldy."

"Dressing... Ranch? Thousand Island? French? Italian? House?"

"Can I have 500 Island? Too many sub-continental land masses surrounded by water give me the winds."


"Ranch." (Make horse blowing sounds as he pours dressing.)

But unbelievably, I said none of these things, and made no trouble whatsoever. Kevin was extremely relieved. (Funkhouser had not been so lucky on our last visit to Ruth's Chris's Steak's House's... I don't think they'll let us back in that place.)

Dinner was fantastic. I was served about eight pounds of King Crab legs.

We skipped dessert and nibbled on the little tray of goodies with whipped cream they give you regardless.

Kevin had some play on dollar Jacks he wanted to get in, so after dinner I let him get to it. I had some business of my own, cashing in a six year old Silver Strike, and playing the proceeds on... Silver Strike, on the machine right by the cage. Wouldn't you know it I got two of the things, neither of them worth keeping. I showed Kevin the proceeds, then cashed them in and headed on my way... to the front VP bar.

My throne seat, the one on the end right next to the Fremont Street Experience, was taken by some lout. Harrumph!

I made do with another seat and played a while. You want to soak up the excitement of the canopy at night? This is a great place to do it.

Net loss at the Four Queens was $30. On the way back to the Cal, I popped into the Smug Nugget to see if I had any free play there. I didn't. I have totally burned the bridges there with comps, which is fine with me for the time being. I got a lot of goodies from the Nugget and many Royals - but the paytables are short, short, short everywhere in the place. The bars are abysmal, worse than the Strip. I played the old machines for fun, even though the Bonus Poker on them has long been downgraded to 7/5.

Well, I hit a couple of quads and was able to play for almost an hour. I cashed out with a profit of $60. Take that, S.N.!

It was time to head back to the Cal for Deuces Redux, and of course, a nod and wave at Elvis on the way.

Here's the problem with Deuces. You get quads on it that are worth a pinch of coon shit, that on other games are worth buckets of hundred dollar bills. It is a test of self control not to be bothered by a succession of Aces kicker hands on Deuces. I combat this by noticing hands like straights flush with a deuce - worth over $10 on quarter Deuces, and worth sweet fuck all on other games without wild cards.

I settled into playing my old friend, Mr. Triple Play Deuces machine, inserting a hundred dollar bill, and steeled myself for a succession of virtually worthless quads. I was not disappointed.

I got quad 7s. Very nice.

I got quad 7s again. Very nice. The best part was that Maria stopped by for a big hello how are you, and then brought me a nice libation.

I played on and got quad 10s. Then 3s. Then 5s. Good God!

I also had quad Aces. Quad 4s. It was absolutely infuriating.


I played on and on, and finally, I got dealt my second shot at it for the day - three deuces dealt.


Holy shit, Bingo, you just clawed yourself back into the game! Up $65 on the day!

I played some more, doing some careful befuddled mathemaccounting to ensure I stopped with at least a token win. Tried a little blackjack, and lost $60 on Buffalo.

Now I was below the winster line. Bravely, I played some more on a plain old quarter video poker machine and struggled to get back the $10 or so I needed.

I got to where I needed to be and cashed out. Double checked my befuddled mathemaccounting. I was still short a few bucks. Back the ticket went, into the machine. This is the kind of scenario that leads to me dumping a couple of hundred bucks, chasing the $3.75 I needed to win for the day.

I seesawed up and down and up and down. I'd never seen so many goddamn saws in my life.

But the moment came and I was $1.25 over and I cashed it and went to bed.

Triumph! Another winning day! And what was even more amazing was that I was halfway done the trip and still had all my original bankroll left, plus a cushion.


    1. FLusher, When you put a $100 into a machine, do you still follow SRoP? I.E. Do you double your bet once you $200, or do you double your bet at $120 as if you initially put in $20?

      1. Usually not. I don't always play SRoP, and if I intend to do that I start with something smaller. At the same time, if I put $100 in and it's going really well, I will still parlay sometimes, just doing it by feel rather than following the SRoP pattern.

      2. Cool, thanks for the info!


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