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Saturday, July 1, 2017

The Kiss of Broke

Day 8, Tuesday May 23, 2017 - continued

After saying so long to Betty4Ever aka Blonde aka GetOutOfMySeat, I went and got the Bonebook and bought a coffee at Island Specialties and tried the various tables out trying to get the Wifi signal that is now in the casino. Kind of a dumb idea, considering half the mezzanine was dark with the power problem. The coffee and computer made their way back to my room and I did a bunch of computer stuff.

I finally, finally heard back from my host at T.I. about getting some of the $125 in Internet charges comped off. This is after two or three texts, two emails, and an in person visit to the property and talking to another host. This is the host that I tried to groom by tipping on a couple of trips, and then gave up when all she would ever do is what the computer allowed.

The answer made me somewhat... what's the opposite of delighted? Basically, she spouted the same kind of crap you would tell a newbie player - that comps are based on your play, and always use your card when you play, and you can take a long hard suck on it, and so on.

She also kindly pointed out that there are two internet plans to choose from, and I should choose the cheaper one -or- (and this is so incredibly fucking helpful) I could go somewhere where there is free wifi, such as Starbucks.

You might be surprised to know that I didn't tear into this lump of a host. I did something better.
Boom boom. Out go the lights.

I fired her.

And I did it nicely, because there's no point in burning bridges.

I basically said that clearly, at my level of play, I did not deserve the services of a host like her.

And you can read that any way you want.

I said that perhaps it would be best if I just booked the corporate offers directly from now on. And this makes sense, because she's never done much for me that she didn't have to check on THE COMPUTER for. Once I thought she set me up with $50 extra freeplay, and it turned out she'd cashed in some points for it, and it was simply part of the slot club program.

The weird thing is, I am not sure she understands that I've fired her.

So that's how that ended up. Sometimes you just can't cultivate a host. And to be honest, and this might sound weird or like sour grapes, but on two different occasions she made inappropriate remarks that I found insulting, and as much as I wanted to just forget about them and move on, they were always in the back of my mind every time I talked to her. Just as well.

Whew, who needs all this negativity? I'm in Vegas and I'm free, free, free of that pirate.

Mentally, I wrote off the internet. I'd clawed back $25 of it, so it cost me $100. That's just the way things go sometimes.

And something really nice happened - I got a $20 donation from a reader, TH!!! Instructions? Strict Rules of Parlay. Just the kind of luck I needed to turn the bad host karma around.

So, crikey, let's get on with it, right?

I took the elevator downstairs and at the last moment, decided to hit Main Street Station instead of the Fremont. Things were normal over there so the power issue seemed to be just the Cal's problem.

I got off to a pretty good start with some Pointies and thought, oh boy, here I go! and next thing I knew, it had all went.

Yup. Blew back $300. That was not in keeping with my trip strategy at all. I had bumped up to five play for a while, then back to triple play, then over to triple play Bonus. The Shitty Times Play multipliers eluded me, which costs you. And further quads eluded me too. Which is the Kiss of Broke.

The Loose Doose had almost been a winner, if that's even possible, with Betty4Ever. I'd had 3 of those Slutty Ducks dealt twice. One one occasion, they were part of a five-of-a-kind hand and I think I completely bamboozled Betty by explaining how to figure out whether the three deuces was a better hold. By the time I was halfway through, talking about Expected Value and permutations, she was beating me senseless with her purse. So, a bit of a red flag there.

In the end I threw the dealt five-of-a-kind and held the three Slutty Ducks and got... five-of-a-kind. What a riot! We laughed until we stopped.

So I returned to the same machine and before long was dealt three Sleezy Swans. Would this be the time? $650 on the line for one more Swan. No, this would not be the time. And it would not be the time on:

  • Double Double
  • Bonus Poker
  • Aces and Faces
  • Keno

I was in a losing tailspin. I'd dumped $300 in credits on the Super Times Pain, and about $200 more besides - a $500 turnaround. Lethal. Time to eat, so I headed back to the Cal coffee shop. I had to get the hell out of Main Street Station.

The situation on the main casino floor was far worse than I had realized. First of all, the coffee shop was accepting only cash.

The Redwood Steakhouse was closed for the night. The Noodle House was running but cash only. The pit was entirely closed. Same for the craps tables. Half or more of the machines were dark, and if you played, you couldn't get a ticket - you'd have to get a hand pay.

The power outage had basically shut down the California Hotel and Casino. It was eerie. And it must have been costing them a fortune. Most of the staff had been sent home. Nobody was gambling for the most part.

The outside of the Cal looked desolate.

I had a hankering for a Binion's burger, and I had some freeplay there too, so that's where I went. I played the freeplay and got nothing much out of it, and then played $30 of my own to get my point count to where I got a spin on the MutherLoad thingy - fuck, got a free well drink. That's no prize, that's a penalty.

Nothing seemed to be going my way, including the burg, which was overdone. I ate it anyway. Punishment hangover burger.

The bar at the Four Queens seemed like a good refuge to play some, drink some, and watch the world of idiots go by. Some mook was in my throne, which is right on the end of the bar, so I took one at the other end.

My ability to attract a wide range of nutcases showed its prowess yet again. One guy, sitting in the middle of the bar, was having an ever-escalating argument with an invisible friend. It took ten minutes, but he worked himself up into a screaming rage, complete with shouted violent intentions, hitting the bar, and so on. I was surprised it took so long for security to show up, and when they slowly surrounded the guy, he bolted onto Fremont, beer bottle and all.


Yes???? No!!!!

I'd noticed a guy two seats over who wasn't playing much. He spent a lot of time gesticulating.

Then he cashed out and moved next to me. A few minutes went by and I realized he wasn't playing - he was watching my mounting losses as entertainment. Which I fucking hate.

When I couldn't stand it any longer, I turned and said, "Well, are you going to play or are you just sitting there to watch me lose?"

"These machines, you have to play them right," he said. "I'm waiting for the RNG to cycle. Each machine has one, and it isn't always in a good place."

"Well, it runs so fast, it shouldn't make any difference," I said.

"When you have played enough, you know. I wait for the RNG to 'warm up'. Do you know how many hands there are? Five quadrillion million. That's a five with 18 zeros after it."

"Sorry, there are only about two and a half million possible hands. Most of them are losers. And with my luck, I'll get them all."

At this point Gunther 2.0 got all 'animated'.

"DON'T YOU EVER SAY THAT!!! Don't you EVER talk like that! You have been getting some very good hands, I know, I see. You have to stay POSITIVE! ATTITUDE!"

Down the drink, card out, cash out, so long.

So, the Four Queens ate another $100. Back at the Cal things looked grim. I talked to one of the guys about it, you know, one of those guys. That know things. He wondered if the problem was that they blew a transformer. I told him, no, it was probably just a little ice cream.

Footnote: It turns out that the Four Queens Nutjob wasn't far off the mark, in one regard. The total number of possible video poker hands including all the variations in the positions of the cards is 287038519447680000. And that is 18 digits or so. The total number of hands, disregarding card position and counting just the hand names is a little over 2.5 million.


    1. Just as much as you were jonesing for "The Precious" (and thanks for the recommendation! Believe it or not, my fave has always been the Baby Beef Liver), I've been jonesing for Vegas, period. The past few years it's been only an annual December pilgrimage. And this year is no different - 'cept that it's already planned. 5 months & 4 days from now I'll be following in your footsteps for an extended 9 day trip. Thanks for getting me through the long wait!
      (Any chance you'll be making an early Dec. run?)

    2. Doesn't the $100 internet charge just go into the books of mega-website It's like a rounding error for this place.

    3. I think this is your best best vegas trifecta yet. Fired the host, no power (The gods were protecting your pocket) and the crazy nut jobs. Thanks!


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