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Thursday, September 21, 2017

The Jumbleberry Conspiracy -or- Flusher Surprise

Don't you love breakfast? I sure do. One of my best breakfasts of the trip took place at the Cal. And it wasn't just that the food was good.

It was that I finally got to meet the infamous Joan of Aces!

She's a blog supporter, and I'd had a few messages from her, pre-trip, but hadn't told her I'd be in town. I knew what she looked like from stalking viewing Facebook and there I was and I looked at some machine and holy moly, it was Joan of Aces!

Even better, she left the machine for a break. This was too much of an opportunity. I snuck over there and dropped an Official Royal Flusher Business Card 2.0 (with the Strict Rules of Parlay rules on the back, and the official hologram of authenticity on the razor sharp edge) on her machine and slinked away like a Slinky.


I retreated and watched from afar as Joan returned to her machine, sat down, and then popped up like a whack-a-mole, head turning left and right, scanning right, scanning left, scanning right again, scanning left again for whoever looked like they could be Royal Flusher. She looked a bit like she was in the crowd at Wimbledon.

I got a message forthwith and J of A said the magic words ("I'll buy you breakfast") and so I thought what the hey I'll have breakfast with her. She didn't seem, from a distance anyway, to be packing 'heat'.

In Canada, packing 'heat' means that your mittens are in your knapsack, btw.

My breakfast. Joan of Aces' looked identical. Except no hash browns. And scrambled. And bacon, no sausage. No toast.
So we met, and because it's important to take credit for breakfasts, let it be known that I bought her breakfast. Damn, those Boyd points come in handy! Rack one up to the Karma department.

Joan of Aces is a pretty cool cat, and maybe the best thing about her is she laughed at all of my jokes. And she appreciated how exciting it is to find the last strawberry jam in the little jam jail they have on the table.

For that matter, what the fuck is "Jumbleberry" jelly? It's basically "whatever is left in the berry annihilating machinery, throw some of that high fructose insulin-killing corny corn syrup in with that shit and call the sloppy seconds that come oozing out... Jumbleberry! With a smile!"

A pox on Jumbleberry, I want my strawberry jam!

Having had such success figuring out the syndicate's Jumbleberry conspiracy cover-up we decided to meet up later in the day at the Boar's head bar at Main Street Station.

I get requests through various backchannels for meet-ups. I get private messages, emails, posts and so on. It's kind of a conundrum for me:

Pros of meeting someone off the Internet who likes the blog:

  • I've met some great people this way
  • Some of these people have gone on to become IRL friends
  • People are being very generous to reach out to me and I feel like a shit having to say no most of the time or not getting to their message in time.
  • I get tremendous insight into what it's like to be a reader of the blog, what people like, what people don't like
  • Sometimes I am surprised and tickled by how my little mission to put words strung into rude sentences onto the internet has an affect in peoples lives, however small that might be
Cons of meeting someone off the Internet who likes the blog:
  • They might be disappointed when they see that my six-pack abs are not quite as hard as they used to be
  • They might be awful people, boring, or just not have much in common with me
  • They might be nutjobs, dedicated to making hella trouble
I'm not being some big shot wannabe about this - I do get maybe 5, 6, or 7 such requests each trip. That is not the point here, at all. You'll see, just stay with me on this one.

Every trip I generally end up meeting one or two people. The best part is surprising people, like I did Joan of Aces, or when people figure out that the idiot standing next to them is the guy that kicks Jimmy Poon's ass to get moving to write Royal Flusher.

Another thing - do they want to meet R.F. the character? Do they want to meet me but expect me to be R.F. the character? Do they want to meet the guy that writes R.F.?

It's kind of like... wanting to meet Mel Blanc. He might, I say, he might sound like Foghorn Leghorn, but he ain't wearing feathers. (I am.)

Maybe it's as simple as... people enjoy the blog, and they just want to meet and say that and shoot the shit about gambling.

And so it was, prior to our scheduled meet at the bar, that I sat myself down at the Loose Dooses at Main Street Station.

You need to know - I had been getting my ass kicked day after day. I was losing about $300 a day. One day was $500.

Snagging those Loose Donalds would sure plump up my bankroll. All I had to do was grab 'em by the billy.

I played a twenty and it went pretty well for a while. Maybe 15 minutes worth. I played a second one and kind of surprised myself.

Royal Flush Video Poker Hearts Royal Flusher
Royal Flush, hold the deuces.
A Royal Flush!!! From 2 cards!!!! It was so great! I held the two, not expecting much, and saw the rest of them fill in, and I knew I had it before the ring-a-ding-ding started. YES!!!!

This year, I am officially Royal Flusher again!

Kind of cool, next hand was a wild royal. Gave me a start.

Video Poker Deuces Wild Royal Flush

I played a bit more and cashed out my ticket at $1050. Sweet!!!!

With a bit more time to play, I gave Bonus Multiplay a shot and had some luck there as well.

I headed over to the Boar's Head bar and met Joan of Aces there. We settled in and ordered from Jose. I told Jose that he was Internet Famous and that everyone asks about him and mentions what a great guy he is. He honestly had no idea.
Brought to you in Maker's-Vision
We were near the buffet end of the bar. Joan of Aces was on my right, and a nice lady on my left. We'd said a couple of words around the juggling of Boar's Head high chairs - I ended up standing because there weren't enough to go around.

J of A and I hit it off really well. I finished a very nice Maker's Mark on the rocks and ordered up another one. It arrived and I realized it was time to visit the Berlin Wall, not to put too fine a point ont it - well, you know what I mean. And, I also had to piss like a racehorse.

"Watch my machine?" I asked.

"Sure," said J-Aces.

I left my brand new drink on the bar and took a couple of steps toward the Men's room.

Over my shoulder, I shouted back, "Don't roofie me, bitch!!!"

I could hear the laughter all the way to the hallway.

OK, good for me, I hit the right mix of humor and crass insult and was rewarded with a laugh. Back at the bar, I kind of heard something on my left.

I looked over and the nice lady sitting there had hit a straight flush, which is a tough hand to hit.

"Good for you, a straight flush! I have such a hard time getting those," I said.

She was really happy with it and then I noticed that she'd been playing dollars.

"Oh wow, on dollars too! Awesome!" I said.

"Well, I parlayed up from quarters just like you're supposed to. You know, the rules of Parlay?..."

My eyes opened a little bit wider.

"I started at quarters and parlayed up using the rules and here I am on dollars with a straight flush! Do you read Royal Flusher at all? You know the parlay rules? He writes about them."

Circumstances had put me into a position that I'd always thought would be wicked cool fun. And it was. I thought over what to say next, and when to spring the surprise - the thing that she would never have dreamed of - the surprise that... I... Royal Flusher...

...was wearing a thong.

Wait! No, no, no, that's not it.

"You know," I said enthusiastically, "Not only do I know Royal Flusher, I've read everything he's ever written. I LOVE that guy. He is freaking HILARIOUS!!!! Wonderful writer! Great stuff!"

"Oh he makes me laugh... I've always wanted to meet him and get one of his cards," she said.

I turned away from this lovely woman and whispered to Joan of Aces what was happening, and secretly fished out the second surprise Official Royal Flusher Business Card 2.0 (with the Strict Rules of Parlay rules on the back) ready to go.

I turned back and smiled and dropped my card in front of her.

Her eyes opened wide and her jaw fell a little bit of the way to the floor. She picked up her jaw. She looked at the card. She looked at me. She looked at the card, kind of puzzled. She looked at me.

"You... this... this is a card! You... are you?? Really???"

"In the flesh."

She introduced herself. "Ginger. Ginger from Tulsa."

Behold. Ginger from Tulsa with a (now stashed) card, and a straight flush parlay. And a pen. And a water. Some scratch cards. A napkin or two. A tip glass. A players card.
I took her picture and we chatted for a while.

Ginger said, "So this is a real Royal Flusher card!"

"Check out the official hologram of authenticity on the razor sharp edge, Ginger."

I introduced Ginger to Joan of Aces and it was then I asked for my 20% cut of the straight flush. Since she'd used the Strict Rules of Parlay...

She knew I was kidding and we had a laugh. I wasn't kidding. I want my END!

I got to know Ginger a little bit and she told me about her husband, who was resting, up in the room. He enjoys the trip reports too. He's ailing these days, and Ginger reads each new post to him and together they laugh. Sometimes Ginger has to do a bit of a recap so that he can follow along with the new stuff. Ginger takes care of him.

We talked about those things, and I shared some things from my life as well, as people do.

For all the frivolous bullshit I write, this was a gut punch of a blessing. I kind of had a tough time with my emotions. I'm just a guy. Just some guy, some gambler out there that writes a stupid blog. 

But to be, in some small way, a part of some very nice people's enjoyment of life for a few minutes... what a gift to me to know that, and an encouragement to keep writing and be stupider than ever.

Joan had to go, and then it was time for me to go too and I gave Ginger the biggest hug I had on me at the time, and whispered a few things in her ear, hopefully reassuring and encouraging things.

And I thought very deep thoughts about things for the rest of the day.

I met two really wonderful people this day.

And I got my strawberry jam and a royal too.


    1. My man.....almost started to rain out of my eyes on this post. FLusher Karma shall be bestowed on you sir.

    2. I got to dine with Royal Flusher once.

      And I was in Vegas two other times with him where we didn't meet up. Probably because I am in the "They might be awful people, boring, or just not have much in common with me"

      Well, I don't think I am awful...


      1. LOL... wasn't it twice though? Breakfasts at DTG.

      2. It was a 2-for-1... we dined at DTG for breakfast, then met on the elevators on our way to our respective rooms.

        Someday, though... at Eat...

    3. I'll probably never meet you in person, but your exploits are endlessly entertaining and the creativity in your reports makes these blog posts even better.
      --A fan

    4. Wow, what a great day!!

      Thanks for writing. There's a lot of us that really enjoy your wit and wisdom.

    5. Post of the year for sure RF. Great story and congrats on the Royal.

    6. >>I kind of had a tough time with my emotions.<< As did I and, I'm sure, a lot of others who've read this blog entry. Thanks - just thanks.

    7. Frivolous Bullshit? I think not.
      Another absolutely entertaining post.

    8. Great post! In my dreams, I find one of your cards, would never imagine actually meeting you! So I know how Ginger must have felt. Keep it up.

    9. That's an awesome post. I met Ginger at MSS over 10 years ago and we keep in touch to this day. I'm just a guy from Dallas with a love of VP. My wife and I coordinated a trip earlier this year with Ginger to meet up with them at MSS 10 years later. It was great seeing her and Bob again. She texted me a pic of her straight flush the other night when she got it and mentioned meeting you and this blog. She sent me the link to it and now here I am. Instant new reader from Texas here, as well friends with my 'other mom' Ginger as I call her. So if you're reading, Hi other mom! Great post too by the way. BTW, I know that trip to the Berlin wall from the Boar's head bar all too well!

      1. Ahhh - my angel other son......thanks for reading Royalflusher's blog. He makes me laugh.

      2. Your words..........I'm just a guy. Just some guy, some gambler out there that writes a stupid blog.
        But to be, in some small way, a part of some very nice people's enjoyment of life for a few minutes... what a gift to me to know that, and an encouragement to keep writing and be stupider than ever.

        (Now you have me in tears - you are the gift my friend.)

        For all those things to come together as they did.....sitting at the bar with two empty seats next to me, playing the rules of parlay, getting the straight flush at the dollar level, you noticing my hand and level of play, and then me schooling you somewhat on those rules and asking you if you knew of that famous blogger, Royal Flusher, I knew I had been involved in what I call a "God thing". It was the perfect storm - all the ingredients were there. You are not just some guy, some gambler out bring a lot of entertainment and laughter to so many people. Thank you for taking the time to surprise me so perfectly. It was the highlight of my trip.


    10. What a particularly great post. I found myself smiling at the end of it. Nicely done, sir.

    11. Noel-Marie (CrazyCatLadyNoey)October 3, 2017 at 2:46 PM

      I've read nearly every single Flusher blog since the internet began gracing us with them. I've never commented until now. This was my favorite post you've ever written. Cheers, Flusher!

      1. Thank you Noel-Marie (CCLN). Very nice of you to c'mon out and say so. I hope sometime in the next 15 years I'll top it, but not sure how. Not that it's a goal... Thanks for reading, and thanks for your loyalty.


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