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Friday, November 17, 2017

Streaky Bacon and the Whole Leg Hams

We arrived by train into Auckland at 6:35pm or something - how would we get to our lodgings? Walk!

Now you know how to fill a punnet with cherry tomatoes.
Your intrepid, savvy, travel planner had booked the Waldorf in Auckland, which was (and is) very conveniently located.

Not the famous Waldorf Listeria, you goof, the Waldorf Stadium Apartments Hotel Auckland of course.

Walking distance from the Train Terminus - advantage Flushiepants.

One block from a 24 hour full on Kiwi grocery store - advantage Flushiepants.

Equipped with two bedrooms, bath, living room, kitchen and all-important at this stage of the trip... laundry facilities - game, set and match Flushiepants.

We found the place fairly readily, not making a mis-step on the way, and having got unpacked, it was my job to go out for groceries.
Full-on espresso maker. And it made hella good coffee, too.
It was cold out there, blowing, and getting dark, and the instructions were to some degree ambiguous.

I'm inviting an argument here, but they were not 100% clear.

The Waldorf Stadium thingies are on Beach road. To the right, Quay Street meets Beach at a T intersection.

The instructions were to exit the Waldorf (Check!), turn right (CHECK!), walk to the intersection (Checkerooni!).

Cross the road and turn right.

So which road should one cross?

The answer for Loserpants is always "THE WRONG FUCKING ONE".

I spent 20 or 25 minutes exploring the dangerous alleys filled with those 'shooting galleries' (probably) and 'desperate characters' (most likely) and 'racketeers and murderers' (what else?!) looking for a place to buy cold cuts.

I had to come back to the Waldorf and have Mrs. F text me a photo of the instructions. And then I noticed in the paragraph above the instructions that they'd actually given the address of the impossible to locate Countdown Grocery Store - 76 Quay Street.

Somehow, some way, this is not my fault! And I discard your evidence that if one turned ones head at the corner one could actually form an image of the diaphanous 24 hour food emporium in ones retinas 40 meters down the fucking street. Objection sustained! Flushieloserpants did no wrong! How was he to follow such obfuscated directions, putting him at great personal peril and liable to lose his life whilst trying to snag a supply of Timtams for the room?

We'd decided that, being in Auckland New Zealand, we should obtain the fixings for Enormous Submarine Sandwiches.

I finally did find the Countdown 24 hour market and had an interesting time browsing around.

One thing I noticed as the huge number of bacon styles available. We have, what, bacon, and back bacon (or Canadian bacon, which isn't what Canadian's eat, and isn't really bacon).

New Zealanders can choose from streaky bacon, shaved, or sweet and smokey streaky bacon, middle bacon, shoulder bacon, rindless eye bacon, short cut bacon, on and on.
New Zealand knows bacon. There are over 900 varieties to be tried. 

Some Canadian lobsters there, like us, a long way from home.

"And he, the Grinch, carved the roast beast."

You'd think lamb would be cheaper, they have enough.

We drive on the left, and our ice cream tubs are wide and flat, not skinny and deep. 

A fine selection of dog meat. Put little fancy toothpicks in a few cubes of this stuff and your guests will never know the difference, trust me.
I got the goods home and we made the most amazing subs, yes?
Room camping sub!!!!
And that was that for this day in New Zealand.

How much Auck could an Auck land Auck if an Auckland could land Auck?


    1. I roared at your dinner mishap. Thanks for taking us along.

    2. Ah, the bacon. We found the same in Australia. Some has absolutely NO fat at all, LOL.


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