Blue Steel

Here's Vegas for you - where it makes perfect sense to head to the bar at 9:30 in the morning. We thought we'd kill a few birds with one stone.

I wanted coffee. The Quad Queen wanted to play Boner Deluxe. And she wanted a - errr - muscle relaxant.

For medicinal purposes.

The bar at the California Hotel and Casino sportsbook was just the place. I've had good luck there, and they have a fine staff.

Like Barbara, who was driving the libation train this particular morning.

The day before, I asked her very sincerely, "Is today Thanksgiving?"

She burst out laughing - and from her point of view I couldn't have had a drier sense of humor. I did explain that I really didn't know, which ruined the illusion of me being the funniest customer ever. You can't force these things, they have to just fall from the tree and land perfectly in your hand.

So, the Quad Queen saddled up at the very end of the bar, where there is an accessible section, with a lower chair, complete with video poker machine at an appropriate height.

I sat to her left on a regular stool and got a coffee. QQ ordered something a little stronger, and when our barkeep brought it, she handed it high over her part of the bar and QQ took the drink from her outstretched arm.

"Usually when someone is sitting there I have to reach around the end of the bar," she observed.

I instantly replied, "I love a reach-around!"


"Now that's Thanksgiving," she said.

A moment of shock turned to guffaws and comments like, "I know who doesn't wear the pants in the family..."

And I countered with comments like, "Yep, guess who's going to stuff the turkey this year!"

I played my yearly 'good judgement' card and stopped short of any baster humor though.

Nothing was working for QQ, and I'd given up on my machine, so she moved one seat left and wouldn't you know it, hit paydirt (for the second time - wink wink).

Maybe the most underrated game in the Cal is the 50 cent Bonus Poker progressive. Full pay Bonus Poker, and the Royal gets up there. There's another quarter bank nearby that I've seen sky-high as well, its 9/5 Double Double.

So we played that. The Royal was good, and we tried to get it. And it started raining quads.

Establishing shot... it makes me happy to see these when it's all over.

See that end machine on the right? A lovely Hawaiian woman of about 108 years sat down at it. The hair that she had left was steel blue and I thought she would make a wonderful I.S.G. (Island Senior Girlfriend).

So I chatted with her, as I like to do. Like all I.S.G.s she was gracious, charming, kind, and hell-bent on kicking the casino's ass to kingdom fucking come.

We wished each other good luck and within five minutes this happened.

She nailed it from two! I was genuinely happy for her, just glad to be around someone who'd found some luck, and silently I cursed her while trying to figure out how to claim the royal for myself loudly I congratulated her.

Astute consumers of the post by post rants of Flushiepants will notice something about the quad pictures above.

Speaking of post by post rants... Las Vegas the Royal Flusher Way blog and Discount Wig Emporium hit it's two millionth page view the other day.

For this I thank you.

It took five years to reach one million views, and a little over two to get the second million. May I take a moment to feel good about this before going back to my wretched existence at Royal Canadian Veeblefetzer tending the soul-breaking machinery that pops out 10,000 grommets an hour like little round lemmings falling off a cliff to their deaths in the grommet bins, shift after shift after ever the same shift?

No one will believe that the Quad Queen won $54.40. The TV told me so!

We had a quick look at Beeeefffaalloooooo!!!!! and then a quick visit to the Mike's bar at the Four Queens where I lost about $60 and the Quad Queen quietly racked up a $180 win to cash out a total of $200 from her $20.

Fucking savvy!

That's all I have in me tonight.

As far as the rest of the day, I'll have to give the matter a little thought. Go away and come back tomorrow!

(And don't look behind Flushie's curtain.)