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Tuesday, October 16, 2018

Avez Vous un Stylo?

The thing people started asking me earlier today was “what sort of air travel fuckup will Royal Flusher have to endure this time?.

It’s been smooth sailing. Or rather rolling, The only problem was the typical over-zealous gate Shiela who didn’t like the looks of me and said I had to try to fit my carry-on into the sizer. This, even though I have a counterfeit “Air FU Canada Official Carry On Sized Bag” banner looped around the handle.

AFUC has now cost me precious gambling minutes, lost while I wait for my luggage at McCarran. Unacceptable!

Here’s the real rant that I have. When they tell you to gate check, you have to re-arrange what you bring on board and what’s in your suitcase. Anything with batteries has to come out and stay with you. I’d already stashed my HABA in there - no way are AFUC checking my subscriptions.

So where are you going to do this refactoring of luggage contents? On the Goddamn Floor, that’s where. Once again, I find myself on my knees, rummaging through my belongings.

I even made a point of asking if a table was provided or do I have to get on the ground like a peasant scrambling for dropped bits of corn after the corn truck has gone through the field.

That’s my rant for today.

Shockingly, we took off pretty much on time - maybe 20 minutes late? I’m used to an hour on the evening flights to Vegas.

The only other issue is that the seats on this Rouge flight are so packed in, I’m balancing my Chromebook on my head just to have enough elbow-room to type.

Oh - that and the French couple next to me. They are French. They speak French. They don’t speak English. But I did manage to figure out that this is their first time to Vegas. I employed my high school language skills to pointedly ask them such things as, “Avez-vous un stylo? Ouvre le fenetre, sil-vous-plait. Donne moi le poulet.”

I think when we near Vegas i will give the woman next to me my window seat. “REGARDEZ!!!! MA ARGENT!!!!”

OK, so I made it to Bally’s. It took forever.

The Uber guy long hauled me. The tunnel. From Terminal 3. To Bally’s.

I got a peek at the route on his cell and I could see it was the short one. Next thing I know I’m in the tunnel.

One star, and I got $4 back.

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