Oh Yes They Call Him the Streak

The D welcomed me into with its non-stop party, with legs spread further apart than they should be for the shortness of her skirt, an off-center glassy-eyed gaze and slurred speech, which could barely be heard over the poundy-poundy soundtrack. Then it insisted on shaking my hand, and shouting at me "I LOVE YOU, MAN..."

It didn't slow me down - I had $5 free play and I aimed to use all of it in one glorious sitting. But first, the Vue bar and an iced Maker's Mark had my interest.

I haven't played often at this bar, but I should. Where else are you going to find a progressive 8/5 Bonus Poker bartop?

My twenty slipped in and play began. I noticed that the progressive on the straight flush was up there pretty high, and reflected that I hadn't hit one so far this trip, despite many draws from four.

Not more than two sips in, a beautiful sight spread itself across my screen. I muttered a "Holy shit!", but didn't fuck around with a photo or anything. With a progressive winner, you don't want to risk having someone else hit it while you are posing for Instagrampa. No, I held all the cards, did a quick check, checked it again, and hit Draw, locking in not only a dealt straight flush, but a sequential one to boot. What a beautiful thing!

Damn, what a lucky hand! I played a few more and cashed out at some fairly even number, blew the $5 freeplay (got nothing) and bailed.

Out on Fremont I spotted my friend, Mr. Rasta Steeldrumplayerman - and now that I think about it, didn't I start winning yesterday after getting a nod from him?

He was dragging his equipment along Fremont for the day's musicmaking, and I stopped, shook his hand, and said hello.

"I love your smile, and I love your music," I said.

He smiled more.

Now I was bound to be even more lucky!

On I went, enjoying the sunshine and warm temperatures. This week of the year is the best time of year to visit Las Vegas, followed closely by the remaining 51 weeks of the year. But the weather in mid October is just stunningly gorgeous, like myself.

I walked along the sidewalk beside the ElCo, along Fremont, and ducked in the last door. The Keno desk Sheila checked my ticket and awarded me $17.50, a princely sum amounting to some 23.837% of my wager. So that counts as a speedbump in the winning cash expressway.

Fancying another drink, I sat down at Ike's bar and put a $5 bill into the bartop.


"Will this and a Keno drink coupon get me a Maker's rocks?" I asked the barkeep.

"Sure," he said.

The bartop machine was playing some decent Double Double Bonus video McPoker, with a few dingers and the credits going in the right direction. And this is where I started to laugh and become somewhat dumbfounded at what was going on and start to suspect that I was being set up for some hidden camera show.

Good God, another $100 for me, less than a minute after sitting down. The streak was alive and well!

That got cashed out, and I spent a few twenties on the Deuces machine, and another thing or two. Those weren't winners, but overall I profited at the El Cortez.

Time to move on. I checked the progressives at the Downtown Grand bar where too many times I've hit the Aces Kicker jackpot, sometimes on freeplay. But they had been recently pillaged, so I just kept going, back to the Cal.

Because it was early, they were able to give me part of a communal table at the California Noodle House. I wish Boyd had a genuine Chinese restaurant downtown. This would have to do.

I ordered potstickers and the Kung Pao chicken, which comes with steamed rice.

Now, you tell me, are these potstickers fucking burned or what?

Crisply browned on one side is one thing - but I know a burned potsticker when I smell it smoldering on my plate and this middle one is one charred motherfucking potsticker.

So I mentioned it 'some of these are a little overdone'. I got told 'this is the way we make them'. And 'we could steam them but you might not like them'.

The 'way they make them' is burned on one side in the pan, and not cooked on the other side at all. Dude, I don't want them steamed, I do want them pan fried, but I don't want burned to a golden midnight black. Admittedly, they should be fairly well done, and some were okay, but some were nearly blackened.

I turned down the offer for a replacement because the Kung Pao had arrived, and I wouldn't be able to finish anyway.

Got peanuts? Hell yeah we do.

The Kung Pao was delivered by someone I recognized as the sous chef, because her smart looking jacket was embroidered with 'sous chef'.

I asked if some rice was coming, and she said, "I can bring you some..." as if it was a favor. Hey sous byotch, the rice COMES WITH.

I wasn't that angry at that moment but I was when she came back with another pantload of potstickers. These ones were steamed.

"This isn't the way they should be made, but I brought you these - steamed."

"You condescending bitch, you self-righteous Daddy's girl 'I'm so perfect' snotty nosed drawn-on eyebrows because you stupidly plucked them to death precious-ass bouncy castle birthday party TWAT!!!" I screamed. (Completely in my head).

"Thank you," I replied.

The Kung Pao was kapow. Not very good. If the Red Lotus Kung Pao is a 9 and the T.I. Pho shop a 10, this was a 2. It tasted just like what I made from a mix one time - overly sweet, indelicate, plodding. There was barely any chicken in it. And, while eating, a big hunk of red pepper gave me a mouthful of moldy taste, forcing me to spit it into a napkin.

I'm so sorry, but California Noodle House = fail. Sadly, I've had more bad experiences here than good.

After dinner, I hit the blackjack table with my $59 in chips and ramped it up to $100. My $20 buy-in had increased five fold. I needed another five-fold increase to get a purple chip.

I played a couple of machines and then tried the 50 cent Bonus Poker progressive uprights, putting in $100 and intending to play a while.

Within three minutes, I hit the Aces for $200. Good Blackened Potstickers, what was Happening???

Heck with it, I cashed the profits.

By this point in the day, I was getting tired, but the streak!!!

Okay, try $20 in Buffalo - it requires very little concentration.

And within a couple of minutes, I hit a Bonus round and it's a beauty.

By the time I'm done on the machine, I've won $140 over my $20 buy-in.

Everything I touch, turns to green cash.

I decided to pick one last machine, some ridiculous game. I found some Super Aces Bonus thing on which any four Aces is $500, and the machine was happy. Lots of small wins to keep my stake.

I came close with three Aces dealt, and ending up with three a few times. But instead, I got this:

My second straight flush of the day.

And that was it. I was plumb tuckered out.

Back in the room, I did a pocket dump and an accounting.

I'd won $700 on the day. Even more amazing, I was now down only $300 on the trip. This was one of the best days in Vegas I've ever had, not necessarily in total amounts won, but with more consistent winning touches than I can remember.