Self Drive to Nowhere

Time to pick up my rental car today. But first, a visit to my friend Mr. Old Skool Buffalo ATM.

By the hair on Jimmy Poon's Lady Shick, it paid back again!

I reaped a profit of $30 on the visit.

I'm kind of pissed at Uber for long hauling me so I've switched to Lyft. I set up a ride from Luxor to the Car Rental Center.

"Do you want a self drive test car?"

DO I!!!! Hell yes!

Not only is it self driving (ignore the two large men in the front seats), it's a sweet 5-series Bimmer. It took ages to arrive.

Self driving apparently does not equate to self hurrying.

I got in and they confirmed my destination.

"Yeah, we don't go there. We only go on the strip. Sorry."

Great. I got out and went through the rigamarole again. Now, I'm not sure what happened next. But I am positive I picked the same destination because it said Gillespie street, and that's where the rental facility is.

But after 19 turns and 30 speed bumps and strange intersections, I finally asked the driver if he knew where he was going. When would he get on the interstate?

"Interstate? We're here - the Park MGM Avis counter."

Crikey on a half-baked bagel.

This is one of those fuck ups where I am absolutely positive I did not make a mistake and then at some point I'll find out that it's entirely my fault. He punched in the new destination and we were there in a jiff.

It was actually a pretty pleasant ride, good convo.

(After the fact, I was charged airport access fees on this ride. I've politely communicated with Lyft Centryl to ask them WHAT THE FUCK, I never went to the airport.)

My ride is kind of a shitbox. A Nissan Ultimer or Sanita or Oxymora or Allegedly or something. When you put on the gas the little sewing machine engine goes from 300 rpm to 8000 rpm. When you let off, it practically stops. There are only two speeds for this little sewer.

I pointed the car south, knowing there were some good locals casinos that way, none of which I've been to. Next thing I knew, I was walking into South Point.

Many of you have recommended going to South Point. Now I see why. I liked it. I liked it a whole lot.

There is an endless supply of hot and cold running full pay video poker. Of which I sampled.

Why not try some NSUD Deuces?

Because 10 hands in this happened, that's why.

I played a few different machines. Lost $20. Then $40. Then $60. Then $80. Shit.

This was not the point of the exercise today.

So, I did one of those Flusher Flyers... they sometimes pay off. $20 in Boner Deluxe, and try to get a quad.

Hell yes, I'll take that, thank you very much. Dealt fives on Boner Deluxe.

I'd piled on 400 or 500 points and I had a coupon for a free buffet upon hitting 300 points - lunch is served, au gratis.

I didn't take any photos of my buffet plates. Just take 30 completely unrelated food items and jam them all together across three plates, and you've got it. Jalapenos next to bangers next to pecan pie next to chicken in black bean sauce.

It was... a buffet. Nothing special.

More VP afterward...

While playing Slutty Times Pay, the woman next to me taps me on the shoulder. I'm thinking 'what is it with that left shoulder that strangers want to make digital nicey nicey with it'?

"You look like an honest man," she says.

"As honest as the day on the grommet lines is long, ma'am," I reply.

"Would you watch my machine while I run to the ATM?"

She took off leaving $30 in the machine and I dutifully watched it. It did nothing.

She returned. "I'm Wynn, by the way - Wynn, like the hotel."

She reached out for a polite handshake.

"I'm Flusher, by the way - Flusher, like the hotel washroom."

I've made a new friend.

---

Next stop Silverton and the Pro Bass Shops. Disappointed. The place is full of dead animals, they didn't have the shoes I need at a reasonable price, and there wasn't a bass, a guitar, or any other instrument for that matter in the whole place.

Pro Bass Shops is the place for the Savvy Outdoorsman or Outdoorswoman.

Poor fucking mooses.

At least these mooses had a chance to win their freedom by vanquishing the Emporer's best moose fighters.

Place is ENDLESS.

Another thing I needed was a disposable blade of some sort. Fail on that count. And off to Orleans.

The Purple Chip Quest starts Here

I had toyed with the idea of starting with a nickel and parlaying all the way up to a purple chip. I think you would agree, that not only is that a somewhat unrealistic goal, it is fucking stupid.

The goal of earning a purple $500 chip would be well and truly met if starting from $20. (I would not cheat by starting with $490 for example!) I'll keep that money aside and use it for future table game bankrolls. I'll try to grow it to $500. If I lose it all, I start again with $20. It doesn't have to be done in one session, or in one place, as long as I end up with that earned Barney.

Blackjack. Bought in for $20. Lost 2 hands. Won back my stake. Then won an extra $10. Time for the match play.

I put out $10 and the coupon and I won. I'm on my way! My goal to earn the starting point was met.

Purple Chip Drive: $40

I played a few things in Orleans on machines and did badly. It happens.

There had to be a Walmart or something nearby where I could get a blade and some drinks and practically next door to the Orleans was Home Depot (and is - it's still there).

The purpose of the blade? To make cuts between the coupons in the AGC book. Whatever I buy for this is going to get disposed of because TSA.

Well. I found the perfect solution. It's dirt cheap too.

Sure, you have to be a bit careful with these but with some electrical tape and some instructions from someone 'on the inside', you can make a pretty serviceable shiv coupon cutter.

And that's the update. I'm back at Luxor, in my room, having a few bourbons, and getting ready to tackle... The Machine again.

My gambling wallet says I'm down $35 on the day. That's pretty good. Tonight will be key, hoping for a win!