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Thursday, February 14, 2019

Keeping up with the Gambling Jones

When winter gets cold, the degenerate get a Vegas jones going. For that matter, I can jones for Vegas just about any time of year - even shoulder seasons are ripe for Vegas jonesing.

Just what is a jones and what is jonesing?

Geneva Smitherman, the esteemed author of  Black Talk: Words and Phrases from the Hood to the Amen Corner (1994) defines jones as follows:

1) A strong, overwhelming desire for anything you indulge in or acquire and never get enough of - money, sex, chocolate, gambling, clothes, etc. Originally referred to addition to heroin or cocaine.

2) Penis.

I guess jones is pretty darn close to the cojones.

But I'm gonna take definition 1, minus the white powder ingestion habits.

Would you say I have a strong, overwhelming desire for Vegas and gambling that I indulge in and can never get enough of?

Hell yes - all these trips later and I still love it!

So let's plan a little excursion to Fabulous Las Vegas Nevada USA, where I go to visit my money.

Our last trip was, let's face it, pretty much a total debacle.

Merriam-Webster, esteemed author of Merriam-Webster, defines debacle as follows:

a : a great disaster
b : a complete failure : FIASCO

The last trip was 9 days and there were 2 people on it - me - Royal Flusher, and she - the Quad Queen. To get a detailed analysis of the trip results, Jimmy Poon has done some number crunching on the Video Poker WinSimulator 3000 (which doubles as a DOS 3.1 powered computer) using some custom software of his own design.

Jimmy Poon says our trip came out to 18 person-gambling-days. And on that last trip, we lost on 16 out of 18 person-gambling-days.

Using a sly trick of mathematics, I reckon that if you have a winning day, that also cancels out a losing day. In other words, a winning day followed by a losing day is the same as two break-even days.

Magically, I can now say that out of 18 person-gambling-days, we enjoyed the break-even equivalent of 4 person-gambling-days, and lost on 14 person-gambling-days.

That is a loss percentage of 14/18 which equals "OH GOD. OH NO. OH MY GOD" percent. Put another way, 77.77%, which seems like it should be lucky, but it sure as shit isn't.

And it took me 37-idiotic-crashing-bore-loser-writing-minutes to coax those squirmy facts into the blog.

We must do better this time. We've got to do a reset and regain some savvitude. It's time for some planning.

That's up next.


    1. Mr. Flusher, I am very entertained by your reports. I just acquired my first host. I can drive to Vegas (15 hours) and would like a Royal Flusher business card. Please tell us about your planning so we can hopefully compare degenerate notes. Please don't be creeped out by this, my first ever blog comment. Thank you.
      A faithful reader,
      Mr. Strip Tourist

      1. Mr. Strip Tourist, please don't drive 15 hours to anywhere! You have to drive 15 hours back!!! That's a lot of Dunkin'.


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