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Saturday, August 24, 2019

Stick the Roundabout Dick

Even when you are in Las Vegas as a vacationarian, there are still responsibilities and chores to be done. Today I had to check out of two hotels, move to a third, return a rental, and win back some of yesterdays huge losses.

Now, how in the hell was I going to do that? Well, you park the vehicle in a stall, throw the keys at the boothling and yell, "DEAL WITH IT".

Oh, the winning part? That's easy too.

Gambling, that's how.

I finished off my blogging, enjoying a Little Giant in-room coffee, and a punishment cheese stick, which was all I would allow myself after my fiscal misbehavior.

With that done, packing beckoned. I did a proper job of it, and then shlepped my way out of my beautiful Wynn room, made even more beautiful by the fact that my folio on TV showed nothing, nada, $0.00 owing, thanks to Wynn Slots.

What a deal! Free room for three nights, which took only 302 hours of play in a month, no resort fee, no taxes on the resort fee, and due to Advanced Room Glamping techniques, not a dime spent anywhere on the property.

Except the casino.

Checking out of Wynn was easy. Just use the TV. Checking out of Main Street Station was easy. I'd just do nothing.

I hauled all my crap out the door after checking the room 19 times for anything I'd forgotten. I stopped in the casino to break a bill in case I had to check my bags at the Cal. Plus I wanted to use valet parking.

Next, I checked the Quad Queens points. Yup, they were still there. I converted them into freeplay and played Bonus Poker, cashing out a profit of $21. This might not seem like much but after the huge nut-crushing I'd taken yesterday, it was an emotional win as much as a monetary one.

I could still do it.

Down at the Cal I dropped the car at valet, and they actually had a room for me. Got to love downtown, 7:00 AM and I get to check in, no fees or bullshit.

After I had dumped my stuff in the room and put my goods in the safe, I went down and had breakfast at the counter in the coffee shop. Quick, hot, and simple, just like my wedding night.

Next, the casino! I started off with some old quarter coin droppers. First up $20 in Boner Deluxe. Next, $20 in Bonus Poker. Next, $40 on a slant-top with one of the better video keno paytables. None of these did much of anything.

Was this going to be a continuation of 'The Drubbing'?

No it was not! I chose a four card video keno game that allowed a maximum bet of 1 quarter per card. I plugged in those same numbers I like on two of the cards, so I had 50 cents bet on the five. On the third card, I added 69 for a six spot card.

It didn't take long for me to break the winning drought and nail the 5-spot!

Jackpot!!! A quick $388.75 hit!!! I have to admit, I felt more relief than anything.

Pretty soon it was time to take the rental back. This was kind of cute - I went outside and handed my ticket to the valet guy. He took off jogging... to the valet parking area just in front of me, where I could see my vehicle parked. Like, right there. Like 50 feet away.

That was a quick couple of bucks for the valet fella.

I drove south and stopped at a gas station on Las Vegas Blvd. near the STRAT.

The trick that one of you fine readers told me about how to construct a fake zip code that works for a Canadian credit card (use the digits from your postal code, and add 00 on the end) WORKED!

(See Pump it like Arnold - Royal Flusher Vegas for the brutal prequel.)

With the rental gassed up, there was just time to make a quick stop at Walmart to buy some stuff for 88 cents that costs $6 at home. I'd bought one of these at the other Walmart but that was all they had. I found my way to the one just east of the airport and stocked up with 3 more.

From there, the easiest way to get to Excalibur is to keep going south, and then take Sunset East west (huh?) along the airport perimeter. It's a straight shot up Las Vegas Blvd. to West Reno and Excalibur.

There was something odd going on in the Excalibur garage, with all kinds of fencing blocking off parts of the 2nd floor. But upon pick-up, I'd been instructed, when I returned the car, to gas it up, note the mileage, and park in any spot in the Avis area. And that's what I did.

It was already brutally hot, and I walked along the 2nd floor, down the stairs, across the pavement and finally into the relief of the air conditioned Dickscalibur.

I related to the boothling all of the things I'd done right to which she replied, "You shouldn't have parked on the second floor, blah blah blah, they are doing things, wasn't it fenced off?"

"Yes, there was a lot of fencing, but the fencing was open for the Avis area so I parked there. I didn't see any signs saying not to."

(I still don't know what work they were doing in the garage.)

And so she says to me, "Can you go and move the car to the third level?"

I gave her 'the look' and said, "Really???"

As far as I was concerned I'd done everything as instructed, and now that I'd handed the keys off, it was Avis' responsibility to deal with their parkade issues - not mine.

I still wasn't sure if I was being a hard-ass or if she was over-reaching.

"I'll move it," she said.

I thanked her for that and away I went - to the Keno booth, to redeem a ticket for a couple of dollars (I think) from last week.

"Oh, you should have played 21 games instead of 20," the Keno boothling said.


"If you play 21 games, you have a year to cash in. This ticket expired after 48 hours."

"Shit, really? They never mentioned I should play 21 games." I didn't relate it in the blog, but the Keno people were a pain in the ass to deal with when I bought the ticket.

"You should have played 21 games," she said emphatically, "and you should have parked on the 3rd floor of the parkade. There are fences!"

I actually crumpled my stupid ticket and threw it on the floor as I walked away. Hair trigger in all this heat, I guess. I hate the idea of losing money because of some stupid rule. Lesson learned, motherfucker. Play 21 games.

With some time before my limo was scheduled to appear just outside NY NY, I had time to do a quick play on the video keno machine I'd been chased off by second hand smoke last time I was in Exscabular.

I showed 'em. I showed 'em good and steely hard. I put a five dollar bill into the machine, set up two cards, and pressed DEAL just a couple of times.

Boom, another five out of five hit!

I guess my carma wasn't adversely affected by sticking to my perceived customary rights of parking on the 2nd floor.

And I'd stuck it to the Keno dicks, in a roundabout way, which takes a really long skinny dick.

Time to catch the limo back downtown. It arrived on time, although I lost $25 waiting in NY NY.

It would be ok, though. More than.

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