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Wednesday, January 29, 2020

The Name's Bond. Gold Bond.

Room camping at Wynn and hanging out downtown during the day is a solid plan, especially when you have comp dollars at the Four Queens to turn into yummy foodal items.

But more on that later.

Day 10

Were we in for better weather with plans to be oot and aboot? No we were not.

It was 50 shades of pissy gray.

On mornings like this, Quad Queen likes to relax and spend time in a luxury hotel room rather than meeting financial disaster head-on like a Walmart shopping cart full of Pepsi and Steel Reserve 211 careening into the side of a stripped Aerostar up on cinder blocks.

I can't feature it, but different strokes. My ass was going to the casino!

And so it was - my ass went to the casino, along with my wallet, my legs, my torso adorned with boy parts, some legs, a head, and no brain. That didn't matter - it's what smartphones are for.

I drew first blood by hunting down four 7s on the fancy-ass area machines. Good for me.

That kept me playing for a while, and when I was out, I headed back to that quarter progressive bank to see if by any chance in hell the royal had not been hit yet.

And it hadn't!

That sucker was riper than an off-brand gas station convenience store banana. You know, when they have four single bananas in a bowl between the coffee stand and the Slim Jim rack? And the bananas are wrapped in cling film for some reason?

Riper than that.

That's one ripe fucking banana jackpot.
$2,469.95 riper.

Well, I had to give it a go, didn't I. Inwardly, I laughed at all the suckers (including me) who had tried to hit this between yesterday morning and today.

"Ha Ha Suckers!" I giggled. I'd show 'em. (I was so confident, I didn't bother to Insert My Red Card. Hindsight.)

And holy shit le merde I was dealt four to a royal. I had a shot.

Fanned on the empty netter like Patrik Stefan.

Blew it.


Why can I never draw the one single card I need for the big score????

I'd never, ever, ever get another chance at a sweet progressive like that one.


Until three minutes later.

Stefan again. Also known as a Dave.

Didn't get the Royal. Didn't even get a flush. Or a straight. Got a pair though.

I should have taken a long, hot bath in the room camping fridge.

The Quad Queen joined me in pursuit of the juicy jackpot and showed me why she's called the Quad Queen.

We played on for a while, but it was nothing doing.

Time to grab a simple Lyft ride downtown. We'd go to the Official Ride Share Lyft and Uber Pickup Point at South Gate Just Off Sands (With No Fucking Need To Go To Encore Or Any Of That Bullshit).

We'd summon that Lyft and he'd be there in a heartbeat, instead of stuck trying to circumnavigate the compound and ending up three left turns away from where we were waiting freezing our asses off.


So what did Charles do?

Not only did Charles drive east to west on Sands right by the pickup point, Charles headed north on the Strip. Does this sound familiar from yesterday?

Are Charles and Norman related?

The only redeeming part of this Lyft charade is the amazing stiff Charles boner route prescribed by the chuckling white-skinned basement dwelling computer minions at Lyft.

Here's the content I wrote yesterday. I could delete it, but why? It's content!

I apologize for there not being a brilliant blog post for you. I've been rock solid about getting one out per day, but we've had a system crash here in Flusherville.

The Video Poker WinSimulator 3000 featuring WinPoker that I use to barf out these treatises on gambling hijinx and stupidity has crashed.

And I mean hard crashed. One moment I was editing a photo of some sort like maybe a closeup of a pizza or something and then there was a shock - like a static shock from rubbing the carpet - and there was a flash on the monitor and it got very, very dark and quiet.

Not even Jimmy Poon could Lazarus the poor thing.

So, I need a day off to get my grommets under me again.

Here's what's gonna happen - I'll post some photos below, and then tomorrow I'll write up the new content in the blog post you're looking at right now.

Thanks for your loyalty and see you tomorrow.

Bonus Grommet Points if you know where this is.

Charles, what the literal fuck???


    1. It's the belly of the Buddha statue, in the lobby of the Cal!

      Lovin' the blog, as usual. Hope the technical snafus are resolved soon, so I can get my daily fix. Keep up the good work!

    2. That official FLUSHER business card is in Las Vegas, now bring on the Bonus Grommet Points!

    3. Charles gps " turn right off of las vegas BLVD, drive around a cul-de-sac that looks like a ballsack on the map, then head er on back out to the strip to actually head for the destination"


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