Winging it to Loserdom

How many times to I have to tell the desert it's a desert and to quit fucking raining already?

Day 10 part 4

The Quad Queen really wanted Chicago Brewing Company pizza for dinner, but I wanted something else. I didn't know what, but we hatched a solid room camping Four Queens comp dollars maximization plan that in the end would be a complete disaster for me.

We'd go to Chicago, she'd order up a pizza to eat and a pizza to go (for foiling the high prices at Wynn and ensuring savvy room camping) and when her pizza came, I'd walk through to Magnolia's and put in an order of food to go.

Brilliant.

So we went up to the CBC and played a bit of Double Double at the bar so we could get giant comped beers and order the pizza. I'm pretty sure they got their comp value back from us.

When the pizza showed up, I was pretty jealous but what are you gonna do when you have a plan?

Over at Magnolia's I perused the menu and thought some wings would be a good proteinacious choice, along with a delicious BLT sandwich - with the thought that it would be good at room camping breakfast the next day.

Dear God, what is wrong with me.

My food came pretty quickly, nicely bundled up, and I used comp dollars and my Unruly Old Fuck discount to get out of there with minimal damage. I have to admit, I snuck a piece or two of the QQ's PP and it was yummy.

On the Lyft app, I called for 'Yet Another Strange Driver With Odd Habits And Likely Fairly Deviant Sexual Proclivities'.

I suppose it was some sort of karma payback for bringing a pizza and wings into the guy's vehicle, something I wouldn't want if I were a driver. But I did apologize. I guess it wasn't too bad, it wasn't like bagged McDonald's stink, which is horrific if it's not your McDonald's.

You'll recall the brilliant writer Douglas Coupland referring to this as 'The Taint' in the hilarious jPod.

Sure you will.

Our guy showed up fairly quickly and we got into a strange wonderland of the Anal Retentive Mobile, replete with custom hidden LED lighting, seat protectors in the back, seat protectors in the front, and floor protectors.

The dashboard was festooned with the sorts of cheap gadgets you find in cheap gadget stores in Chinatown. And, inexplicably, a levitating spoon.

Let's take a closer look.

He said it was a Tesla coil, I say it's a fake plasma in a globe time portal.

No. Fucking. Clue.

No Lyft vehicle is complete without all of these things, plus three or four caddies hung from the back of the front seat containing a portable 7-11 store of mints, gum, chews, jerky, antacids, and bottles of water, and candy canes, because Christmas is the Anal Retentive holiday.

Let me be clear. In no way, at no time, under no circumstance whatsoever will I ever, ever, be consuming the displayed complimentary treats from a taxi, Lyft, Uber, or a men's room.

Fortunately, we stayed off the interstate again, and I had a chance to photograph the local Vegas decorative splendour.

Back at Wynn without further incident, or consuming of the 'free' Mentos, we dropped the food off at the room, loading up with ice on the way.

Then, in the casino, I took my amazing gambling turnaround and squandered it foolishly.

We both had a terrible time and I just seemed to be on complete tilt. There are no winning photos of anything.

Back upstairs, my wings were awful. Hell, they were probably awful in the Lyft, and awful in the elevator too. I chewed through some of them and distracted myself with internet but inside I was seething.

At least I had keno.

And toffee.

I'd managed by amazing luck to recover my big losses to the point where I could have had a winning day - and turned it into a stupid loser.

You've all been there. I can see you nodding your head remembering 'that time when I...'.

I tried not to worry too much - I still had one more day in Vegas to fuck things up even further.

Day 10	Result
Royal Flusher	$-440
Quad Queen	$-880
Combined Total	$-1,320

Trip So Far	Result
Royal Flusher	$-865
Quad Queen	$528
Combined Total	$-337