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Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Super Secret Panty Good Luck Charms - or - Mr. Hockey

Today has been a weird day. I'm stuck here in Flusherville, dealing with all the screwy bets people want me to make for them in Vegas, while Mrs. Flusher is actually IN Vegas, apparently, having a somewhat remarkable day.

And really, I have a lot to do with that. Oh yes I do.

Because I slipped a little something 'extra' in to the Quad Qrusher's luggage just before she left. Something I knew would bring her the magic mojo, the voodoo, the awesome sauce that she would need to win, win, WIN.

That 'extra' is an incredibly rare 1991-92 Pro Set #344 Gordie Howe 'Mr. Hockey' hockey card. It's still unfound, but bringing her incredible luck. If Mrs. Flusher only knew that Gordie Howe was hidden in her bag, under her 'personal items'...

Gordie Howe, Mr. Panties Hockey

At coffee break on the size 7 grommet line, Kenny Blankenship said to me, "If I give you some money, will you bet it for me in Vegas?"

Kenny looked a little odd with a big blue Smurf band-aid on his ear, about where is earlobe used to be.

"Kenny, is that a Smurf band-aid?"

"Umm... yeah. Anyway I want you to bet $10 on red at roulette. If it -"

"Kenny, aren't you ready to use a 'Big Boy' dressing at this stage in your life?" I asked.

Kenny looked up to the side for a moment - he was just an eyelash short of rolling his eyes at me. He blinked and looked at me again.

"They put something on at the hospital, okay? Last night it came off, I mucked up the pillow, and this was all I could find. Anyway. Bet $10 on black on roulette... no wait, make that red. $10 on red."

"Kenny, that is days away. What difference could it possibly make to change your mind now about which even money bet on roulette you want me to make?"

"I have a feeling about red. I used to have a feeling about black, but now its a feeling about red. So bet $10 on red, then if it wins, press it up. If it wins again, take $5 out and press the rest. If that bet loses, bet the other $5 on black. No, wait, red. Bet it on red. And if that $5 wins, then press it up again on red, and then - "

I put my hand up.

"Whoa, Kenny. Just... whoa."

I hate taking bet orders for Vegas. If someone wants me to play a slot for them, or something that could net a big longshot hit, it is big trouble. Because suppose you say to yourself, okay this is Jimmy Poon's $6 in Megabucks. You pull once and get nothing. No problem. You pull again and win $15,939,201. And 97 fucking cents. Oh wait - YOU didn't win it, Jimmy Poon did, remember? Now - are you really going to hand over all $15,939,201 and 97 fucking cents to Jimmy Poon when you get back to Flusherville?

And if you do, how are you gonna feel about that? Suppose Jimmy Poon stiffs you for your end??? (Not that Jimmy Poon would. But on the other hand... Jimmy Poon probably thinks I wouldn't stiff him.)

And lets say you decide, actually I sort of thought I'd do Jimmy's pulls later in the day, this was actually my pull, yeah, that's the ticket... well, have a big ole helping of lifetime guilt alongside that kind of lame rationalization. (And also, the approximately $16 Mil. Which would buy a lot of therapy.)

So I stick to even money bets for others back home, where you don't feel bad either way it goes. Or sports bets.

But now Kenny was taking that simple proposition and turning it into a black and red nightmare.

It's just not cool to have someone else bet for you in Vegas. If you want to bet, go to Vegas and bet.

A few pictures came in from Mrs. Flusher today and it was nice to see some quads coming in. I got a phone call just after round 2 of her Video Poker tournament and sure enough, on the first hand, she hit four Aces. (Gordie Howe, Mr. Hockey at work!). Unfortunately, with such a crap round 1, we didn't know if she'd make the money or not, which was the top 30 places out of 300.

As the afternoon wore on more pictures rolled in and then - Holy Crap - this beauty arrived!

$1000 Royal Flush #2 for the trip


Yes, she hit her second Royal Flush in 4 days!!!!!!!! (Again, Gordie Howe, Mr. Hockey at work!) (Either Gordie Howe, Mr. Hockey, or Star Larry from yesterday... I'm actually kind of confused about where the luck is coming from.)

I finished up at the plant and a few more pictures came in... then we had a nice phone call to catch up on what was going down.

"I want you to play some of my $75 winnings from the other night in some dollar VP machine," I said.

"Okay, which one?"

"There's a nice Bonus Poker upright at Fremont. Put $20 in there and play it. If you run out of $20 and haven't had any wins, change machines to Double Double Bonus at the Four Queens. But if you did get some hits, put a second $20 in. If that doubles, up to $40, cash out, unless you are actually over $40 on a win, in which case keep playing up to $80, or a quad. If you don't hit a quad, cash out at $80 - "

"Whoa," she said. "Just... whoa! I'm headed back to my room for a rest. Dollar Treasure Chest at the Cal is on the way. Let's play together and split the profits."

So that's what we did.

She worked the machine up to $160, then $165... then back down to $100 after about 15 minutes of play.

"Cash out," I said.

"You want out? OK. But I'm going to keep playing."

"Ah crap!!! Okay, I'm back in, I can't stand to have you play and not be in on it."

Of course, 3 minutes later it was all gone. I'd lost $50 of my $75 profit from the other night.

It's just not cool to have someone else bet for you in Vegas. If you want to bet, go to Vegas and bet.


Here are some of the sweet hands Mrs. Flusher has had today. (Ignore the odd numbers on some of them... pic taken while the meter was counting up the win.)

A dealt quad... Mrs. F's specialty

Straight Flush, from one. Oh yeah!...

Yet another dealt quad... these two Bonus Deluxe quads were 3 minutes apart!

Actually a win of 200 on Bonus Poker.


Where's the kicker????

So when it is said and done, I think Mrs. Flusher is up about $1500. She doesn't keep careful track the way I do. It doesn't matter, I'll claim half of it when I get to Vegas.

Well why not???? I'm the one who put Mr. Hockey in her panties!!!


More quads....

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