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Thursday, June 28, 2012

Vegas Revenge - Part 2 the Sequel 3: Avenged - the Final Conflict -or- Live By Coffee

The mist across the window hides the lines 
But nothing hides the color of the lights that shine
Electricity so fine
Look and dry your eyes  

I woke up and I knew immediately... it was either the last day in Vegas or there was a pole under my blankets.

Perhaps it was both.

Yes, the last day, leading up to the late trip to the airport and the red-eye to Toronto and a 4 hour lay-over in Toronto and the flight to Flusherville - I was staring at some 30 hours of non-stop ass-tivity in the face. As it were.

After the butt-blasting I took yesterday (and let's be clear, sideways, without lube, without mercy, on all fours, whimpering and whining like the gambling dog that I am) I knew I had to have a change of pace or this trip was going in the dumper.

I cleared $250 on the solo trip last month and I was down $700 bucks on this trip. Combined, that's not bad, fairly respectable, really. But another $700 day and there would be no revenge this trip.

I reloaded with just $300 from the safe and headed down to the casino in the California to do battle. I won't deny it - I get all tingly heading down to the casino to do battle. I felt like James Bond when he says "Suivi."

In fact, sometimes I go around saying suivi inappropriately at various times, such as when pushing a bet out in blackjack.

Don't you get that? That little buzz?

The elevator dings down past the floors, you have your money in your pocket, nobody knows who you are, or how much you have, or how much you have or haven't won. It is all up to you.

You know what you are about, and you have girded your loins and determined your plan to win money from what is arguably the Lion's Den. The elevator doors open and the sounds and stale smoke smell of the casino rush at you headlong, drawing you in.

You pause a moment, letting the rush take hold - but not overpowering you - and then, then and only then, you move. You move forward into the now closing elevator doors, banging your forehead and drawing stares. You try to look confident and mysterious as you turn bright red.

And with that I headed to... the escalator. To the mezzanine. To Lappert's to get some latte going.

"One latte," I said.

The cutie behind the counter said, "I'm sorry, there's no espresso or latte's today."

"There were none yesterday, is the machine still broken?"

"I have coffee, would you like coffee instead? Sorry about the machine."

"How - HOW - am I going to live without my latte????" I scowled.

"You could live by coffee..."

And so it was, I headed to the machines - again - this time with my dishwater Lappert's coffee. Not a good start.

I was determined to take it easy, bet quarters only, protect my bankroll, stay on Bonus Poker, and off the high-volatility high-payback stuff. Give up machines that don't pay.

I played a $20. Lost. Changed machines.

Mrs. Flusher, who had joined me, hit a quad right away. $32.

I lost another $20. Changed machines.

Mrs. Flusher, hit another quad right away. 2s. $50.

Was I having Deja Lose?

I switched machines again. Now I was in for $60.

And it wasn't going well.

On a hunch, I switched to Double Double Bonus. You lose twice as fast when you don't get a quad. When you do, you win twice as much, and a lot more on some. Within four hands I hit K K K K for $62.


Played a couple of minutes more and held two Kings... and got K K K K again!!!!


I decided to cash out and start again with $20. I played quarter Bonus Poker and ramped up the credits. Bumped up the stakes to 50 cents and took it up more. Switched to Double Double and hit...

$200 quad for me! (Where's the kicker?...)
Well I was thrilled. Sometimes I think we have losing days just so that the winning seems that much sweeter.

We played a bit more and I cashed out my profit.

Slipped a $20 in to try some dollar play. Enough for 4 hands, but I managed to last 20 minutes or so. Even was dealt four to a Royal. Yes I was. Boy would THAT have made some good reading.

Just for good measure, while Mrs. Flusher ran up to the room, I snuck $20 out of 'admin' money (usually for expenses) to play on a dollar slot. I was leaving nothing to chance. Don't tell her, okay?

Well, I won $50, and cashed out $40 profit, which I added to my stake. So I'm desperate, sue me.

We strolled over to Du-pars for brunch and as I got into the tight little booth at the very back of the Bay City Diner Du-Pars I stumbled and banged the table and sort of fell over into the booth.

"What happened?" Mrs. Flusher asked.

"I tripped... I guess I tripped on my gut."

Yes, I tripped on my own beer gut. It kind of got caught on the table, hurting me something fierce and putting me off balance.

It was the kind of moment where you realize that what little positive self-image you might have had is as long gone as that of those people on the 'world's worst tattoos' sites like Mr. Cool Ice or the AWSOME guy or the guy with the tattoo in loving memory that turned out really bad with huge huge teeth and a crooked face. Just google 'world's worst tattoos' and see for yourself what my self image was like when I tripped on my own fucking gut.

Even though it was a little late, I qualified for the 'pancake sandwich' special. Mrs. Flusher ordered chicken pot pie. I'd been wary of Du-pars since they were shut down for over 50 'food safety' demerits, but what the hell, they have good pancakes. They are very special. Maybe its because they put a pubic hair into each one, because what I found in mine had the same kinched up texture of (what I imagine to be) a pubic hair.

But you know what, since I had no more self esteem, I cut way the area around where the hair was found, and I chowed down on the rest of that everlovin' pancake.

Du-pars hairless (thank God) chicken pot pie.
The oldsters 'pig out' on cheap shrimp cocktails.
By the way, when I open a restaurant, I am going to be sure to call it something catchy that only 3% of the planet can spell properly. Like Roi-als. Or Flush-erz.

After pulling the pubic hairs from my choppers, I did a quick accounting and found that I was up $300 on the day. Yes, you read it correctly. And Mrs. F. was down $80. I was doing great so far and had turned it around. I probably had enough money to play for the rest of the day and break even. Sweet.

We went on walkabout to visit some casinos and search out some good odds on hockey bets (in honor of Gordie Howe). Well, the Nugget had the best odds we found because Fremont didn't cover hockey yet. (Didn't check the 'Queens).

For good measure, the Quad Queen hit four Queens... at the Nugget. When we headed to Fremont for some Pick'em and Super Double Double Fucker Bonus, she hit another for $62. Have you noticed I wasn't hitting anything?

I did have a good run on Pick'em, going from $20 to $80 but most of that got played in. We continued walkabout and checked out the D-itz. Sigma Derby was definitely getting installed - unfortunately too late for us to play it.

This canopy is a replica of the original - made specially for the D.

I had a good talk with a floorman about Sigma Derby and the changes coming to the D-itz. What I learned was that the cool semi-'Big Bertha' Universal brand slot with the four reels and progressive that was pinned at $65,000 for the last five years... has been pinned at $65,000 for the last 15 years.

Jimmy Poon from the grommet line at North American Veeblefetzer told me that 8 'bits' can represent up to 256 values (unsigned) and 16 bits can represent up to 65,536 values (unsigned). So I suspect that ole Universal made in Japan slot is using a 16 bit counter for the progressive and topped out at a cool $65,000, which, like the Lion's Share, will never, ever, be won by me.

I love old slot machines and coin op stuff and Vegas history. I'd heard that there was some original pavement - a triangle design, in bright colors - from the Silver Palace casino that was on the site of what is now the Girls from Glitter Gulch and Mermaids. I've looked for it a couple of times on Fremont, and looked for it again this time. Nothing.

We walked down towards the Cal and I noticed a pattern in the sidewalk beside Mermaids. And it had some color to it. I think I found it.

We headed to Main St. Station and I saddled up to the blackjack table while Mrs. F took a flyer on triple play video poker. I played for 2 hours, drank 4 beers, gave about $12 in bets for the dealer (the very interesting and lovely Carol) and took my stake allllll the way down to $6, bet it, and worked it allllll the way back up to $135 before cashing out at $110. A lovely time, good table, good company, and $50 profit.

I promptly dumped that profit into video poker in about 11 minutes. And a hundred more in about 20 more minutes. I jumped from machine to machine, game to game, nothing was working this trip at Main Street Station.

Did I mention that the 'quad queen' dumped $300 at triple play and ran crying back to the room?...

I headed back to the room myself, having screwed up the day's profits and having only $100 profit left. Packed. Whined. Checked flights and stuff.

The Last Supper was at the Cal - my traditional pre-flight P.R.O.B.

(Prime. Rib. Of. Beef.)

Mrs. Flusher and I played a bit more and she headed up to the room while I had the casino all to myself and about $60 in profit left for the day. I reallllly didn't want to have another losing day, or a losing last day.

Well, I tried a few machines, all of them on Double Double, trying for those Aces with kicker that have eluded me for two trips.

I even threw some 'admin' money at that slot and nothing would come of it.


It was done.

Trip done.


It was time for me to return to my former life, as a lineman on the size 7 grommet production line at North American Veeblefetzer. Pumping out grommets, nothing more, nothing less. Something nobody cares about, except maybe me, far far away from the magic of Las Vegas.

Time to return to the other side, the every day, Lunchables side. Jimmy Poon and that dickhead boss Norbert.

I walked to the elevator listening to the music playing on the tinny speakers.

Music is important. And if you pay attention, and time things right, you can have your own little movie soundtrack at such moments. Like the time I spilled a frozen Daquiri into my crotch during 'Ice Ice Baby'.

Only this time it was the super-talented Joe Jackson singing, Steppin' Out, one of my all time favorite tunes.

And just as the elevator door closed... closed on my hopes, my dreams, the glitz, the cute cocktail waitress that I tipped five bucks when I got my royal and now she remembers my drink, Absolut on the rocks, the excitement, the highs and lows....

Joe sang, sang, sang...

Get into a car and drive
To the other side 

The limo would soon be waiting. My trip was done and I was a loser. Because of one day, yesterday. And Mrs. Flusher was a big winner. And there was nothing more to be done about it.

Or was there?...

And then I remembered.

There is gambling at the airport.


    1. I din know Du-Pars was doin bad like that. I'll be downtown real soon & wassa plannin on goin there. I'll be sure to bring a comb. MSS & Cal treat me the same way. I can only hit good stuff @ 4 Queens & the sportbooks. I gotta ask....what kinda Hockey bet didga wanna make??? The Cup was settled when ya flew out...

    2. Yup...I get that BUZZ on the way to the casino...for sure!

    3. Yeah, me too (the Buzz). And usually accompanied in my head by the theme from "Rocky".

    4. The trip may be over but, because of your blogging, it lives on. Thanks for the last two weeks. I truly appreciate you sharing your pre-trip/actual Vegas experiences and your humor. Yeah, no shit! Tomorrow I embark on my 3 day Vegas replacement vacation. Normally we go to Puerta Vallarta during the summer as we have a time share of sorts down there but the cartel crap and the fact that I had some surgery done recently put the brakes on that this year's the Las Vegas Hotel(formally The Hilton) for us. Take care Flusher. Hope to hear from you again real soon. -Bob

    5. I truly enjoy your trip reports.
      You make me feel as if I am there. The excitement and counting money in and out.

      Thank you for all your work in writing and
      sharing with us your days. Carol

    6. Wow. A masterpiece again. Thanks for including us all in your trip.

      Queen Tata


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