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Wednesday, June 20, 2012

VIP Passport to Gluttony and Riches

Thought I was a gambler I broke every shark in town
Until I met a rounder who called all I put down
I put the cards on the table and he drew an ace high hand
He bet his watch and I called it and lost my money like a man
I've got them polka dot blues the polka dot blues
I lost my hat and my coat and my straight lace shoes
I sold my watch and went back to lose the mean old gambling polka dot blues

Today's Royal Flusher Gambling Song o'the Day is: Gambling Polka Dot Blues - Hank Snow

Yesterday there was a lot of foreplay about what might have happened, so I won't do that again. You'll just have to read it and weep. Sorry, foreshadowing.

Great news - the red marks in my general crotchal region from the Fateful Free Underwear have finally blended in with the red marks in my general crotchal region from sitting on various gambling machine and bar stools for 21 hours a day. So I am looking and feeling pretty normal again.

Started the day fairly strongly at the bar at the Four Queen's (where else) drinking lousy coffee and playing Double Double Bonus. The Aces with kicker (which I am in a HUGE drought on - not had them for I think maybe over a year, certainly not last trip...) were up around $670. So we gave it the good ole college try.

Straight flush I pinged out.
Mrs. F hit a nice quad for $100 and I pinged out a straight flush. The Aces got hit by someone else though, and we plowed through our winnings and headed for the Jacks uprights.

Played some Jacks and then I switched to Triple Bonus and got quad 2s for $150. I was feeling pretty good about the start we'd gotten.

Took a quick trip though Bunions Binions and played enough Double Double to earn a daily swipe at the kiosk. I've memorized the faked up cowgirl video they play when you spin the virtual prize wheel and took great delight in yelling "CLAP BITCH!!!" while pointing at the ersatz friendly video cowgirl on the left and then "NOW YOU CLAP, BITCH" at the ersatz friendly video cowgirl on the right.

I thought the performance was well received by the patrons of the casino in general earshot of my bellowing.

I then repeated the ritual while Mrs. Flusher did her spin.

Both prizes were.... two for one well drinks. Really, if you can't get a free drink in Vegas, you need to go back to Sunday School or Stupid Drinker School or something school. Some kind of school. Really.

I am always very impressed with the 6 year old display of salmonella peanuts and various assorted other candies in the Beaver machines at the back of Binions. I am not certain anyone has bought any of that stuff since they managed to fuck up the entire property and lose the World Series of Poker.

Not only is the state of the candy potentially dodgy, I'm not sure about selling Beaver jawbreakers to minors. But hey, I'm not judgmental, who knows what kind of crazy porn today's youth are exposed to on their appPhones or whatever.

Jawbreaker and Beaver appear together again, nightly at midnight.

The Four Queens owners (who own Binions) are doing a good job of some upgrades in the place and the rooftop pool is open, so I'm hoping the hotel will get a remodel and re-open someday. They put a new bar at the front with some snappy advertising copy that would make Don Draper proud:

I've thought that was a very witty, if risque, phrase since I was 12 and it still draws guffaws. My sides hurt momentarily when I saw it. For 3 milliseconds.

Stay the classy property you are, Binions!!!
Checked out the Golden Nugget and some good news - the 46 bar and new pit area is up and running, although they are putting the finishing touches on it, and the 8 MIA video poker machines with 8/5 Bonus Poker on them have returned, just east of the 46 bar pit. This called for some play, and vicarious ogling of the hottie 46 bar pit dealers.

At lunch we exercised our new VIP Passport to Gluttony and Riches that the 'Queens gave Mrs. Flusher. Don't get excited, it says its FOR TWO. That means me.

Thanks to for these pictures which I basically errm obtained. I keep forgetting to Fonetograph ours. Hopefully, they won't mind over there, and will appreciate the link.

Not our actual VIP Passport to Gluttony and Riches... but one just like it.

The VIP passport brings complimentary food of the highest nutritional value.
That's a Cobb and a Club for the Queen, and snot-covered grease-slab with eggs and hashbrowns and toast for me. Apparently.

After gluttonizing, we hit up some 50 cent Bonus Poker. The Missus made out okay, breaking even, and I dropped a hurtful $200. Owie.

In retrospect, this is where it started to go into the rhubarb. Well, hindsight..., fuck you.

My notes say 'JoB RF Lose, Down $600'.

Okay that seems simple enough but there was a lot more to it than that. There was the very, very, cute petite and friendly Polynesian waitress (complete with the very nice indeed two scoops of "man stupifier") that quickly memorized our drink orders. This is a very dangerous combination indeed.

We pounded away and pounded away and I'd tried various things and it was getting grim. I was down about $500 on the day somehow, mostly because I couldn't hit the broad side of a deck of cards.

I really didn't want to go down this much. So I remedied it by continuing to gamble. You can't win if you don't play, right??

In the midst of all this nonsense, including Double Gordie Howe power on the machines....

...I heard a voice address me by name. I turned around to see who it was.


    1. OH a cliffhanger!! Damnit, Flusher!!

    2. Ah yes, Norma...the best waitress at the Queens!!


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