Hip Checked by Luck

Dec 31, 2013 - There's nothing like losing a couple of thousand between you and then deciding that pizza would make it all better.

Chicago Brewing Company makes a good disk, and I tried their home brewed root beer for the first time. It was delicious, easily the nicest root beer I've ever tasted. Holy crap is it good!

The pizza was outstanding too.

We talked it over - what to do, what to write about... It's pretty hard to write down what a degen day we'd had and put it out there in public on the blog... but I have to man up and call it like it is.

Otherwise, what's the point?

We regrouped and decided we'd keep treating our bankroll like a long term bankroll, and not a daily bankroll.

That meant the walk of shame to cash more traveler's checks.

Holy shit was this BAD.

So we did, and I begged the cashier to give me my $400 as all twenties. And the Queen saw the wisdom in this and did the same.

We sat down at the Jacks machine.

"50 cent Jacks. Strict rules of Parlay," I proposed.

"Sounds good."

And we started playing, and thank goodness, the Quad Queen finally found some luck and I finally found a bit of luck too, getting a quad on the parlay and another playing degen Triple Bonus Poker Fucker Chaser Plus.

The Queen got another one too.

I had to go get the rental car from Avis (upgraded to an SUV because there weren't any other cars). Got that done and we kind of decided this would be a good time for a room break.

But I went up with $530, $130 more than the last-ditch traveller's checks $400.

I lay down and imagined Mr. Four Queens and Mr. Smug Nugget spreading our hundies on their beds in neat little rows and tweeting pictures of them and saying "Look how savvy we are!!!"

I got an email from Tomflush, a guy who knows about 3,000 times more about video poker strategy than I do. That's why I make it part of my strategy to be lucky.

And that's why on days like today, lucky fails if there ain't no lucky luck.

We met down in the casino for a beer and some Hundy play and traded trade secrets. It's always great to meet a knowledgeable player and a nice guy to boot.

So exciting to cash out $2.80!!! THANKS FOR PLAYING!

I lost $60 or $80 on Hundy play and the Quad Queen lost about double that. We wandered off trying to figure where our luck was and came across the good ole short pay Boner Deluxe machines. Of course!!!

I'd hit a few Boner Deluxe quads and be right back in it!

I played a 20 on 50 cent Boner, and then another 20. It lost too. I stood, got my gambling wallet out, took out another 20 and shoved it into the Boner Deluxe maw.

And I played like the wind and before long BAM! I'd hit four 7s for 400 credits!!! Except it wasn't 400 credits, it was 250. The fucking machine, in the 3 seconds it took me to fish another 20 out and cram it up the virgin bill acceptor ass of the machine (and maybe that's why) it changed games on me to Super Short Pay Fuck You Flusher Double Double Bonus Poker.

So I got 250 credits, not 400. For some reason this riled me, even though any win is a good win.

I cashed out the ticket and started again. Strict Rules of Parlay.

And what do you know, I did manage to get another quad - and it was dealt to me. What uncanny luck to have so many dealt quads in one day!!

Meanwhile Mrs. Flusher was on the 'race to zero' and was basically taking twenty dollar bills and throwing them into the air over her shoulder. Not really, but the end result was the same. The poor woman was really getting hip-checked by luck.

"You're getting hip-checked by luck," I said.

"That would make a snappy blog title," she said.

We finished our budget death-vigil on the Jacks machines, playing the Strict Rules of Parlay. I'd had a few beers and was doing okay, and even got a quad (YET ANOTHER DEALT QUAD!!!) and parlayed up to dollar play.

Meanwhile, the Quadless Queen's money ran out.

I got a quad on dollars and played away for quite a while, staying pretty much at the same credit level. I played for maybe an hour. this felt good to me. It seemed more normal. Then, the machine dive bombed to zero.

At the bar, my last two 20s in cash went into quarter Double Double. I was dealt my fourth four-to-a-Royal for the trip - with no success at getting the mysterious elusive fifth-to-a-Royal card. (I'd been keeping some cash-out tickets and playing my stake a 20 at a time. It worked.)

Foregoing the offer of some of Tomflush's Chicago style Deep Dish Pizza, I headed up, weary, to the room.

And hey, I had $50 more in my wallet than when I cashed the traveller's checks. I guess that's something to be proud of, like you might be proud of dropping your toast on the floor and having it fall butter side up instead of butter side down.

The final numbers are pretty ugly.

This was the single worst day we've ever had in 17 years of coming to Vegas.

Not very fucking savvy at all.

R.F. down $1050 on the day, down $1200 on the trip $10,448 coin in for the day at Four Queens, total $30,368 coin in
Q.Q. down $1250 on the day, down $2150 on the trip $5600 coin in for the day at Four Queens

That's a $3350 combined loss for the trip. But think of it another way. If we were playing quarters, that would be less than $850, which would be just fine, wouldn't it?

And look at it another way, a $1200 loss for me on $30,368 coin in is 96.65% return. All that's missing is a Royal.

Except we're not playing quarters. And we have no Royal.

And we are getting killed.