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Monday, May 9, 2022

Gamblin' Nine to Five

Day 9 part 1, Sunday, and there I was at Mandalay Bay.

Well, I tumble outta bed and stumble to the shitter
Cup of Little Giant coffee, it's bitter
Yawn and stretch and check my keno live

Head to the games and the blood starts flowin'
In to machines the cash keeps goin'
With degens like me, we're gamblin' from 9 to 5

Gambling 9 to 5, what a way to make a living
Barely getting by, with the shitty comps they're giving

They just use your cash, and never give back any credits
It's enough to drive you crazy if you let it!

I woke at 5:30 and waved off getting up. Got back to sleep, woke again, thought ah, yay, slept in. Got up. It was 6:00 am. Oh well.

The morning routine has held this whole trip, make the Little Giant coffee, and get the blog writing done first thing in the morning. I don't think I've ever kept up with a live trip report as well as I have done this trip. Probably because I'm not going at it as hard as I used to. Now, I take time to appreciate the finer things in life, such as a full 6 hours sleep.

By 8:45 my writing was done and I checked in with Funkhouser - I wanted to see if he wanted to go downtown, as I had bidness down dey.

We headed to the car and he told me all about his rap gig, apparently it went well. He made many rhymes and walked back and forth bobbing his torso up and down in a semi-crouch. The crowd went wild.

Or maybe he was playing records while holding a set of headphones to one ear while bobbing his torso up and down, I'm not quite clear on it. But it was dope. Epic. Neato.

We headed to the D, where I parked the car. You get 3 hours free by validating at the player's club booth, but after that it's a steep $5 an hour or part thereof. Pretty steep considering my whale Keno action.

Live keno has been my meat this trip, while video keno has been a bust. The ticket I had going was that same simple way ticket - five 4 spot ways, and one 5 spot way, 10 cents a way at the Deano rate. Get all five numbers and you win $181.25 - $16.25 for each of the five 4 spots, and $100 for the 5 spot.

I'd seen no clean 5/5 hits so I was expecting to get maybe half my $150 ticket bet back.

I was shocked to see that I'd actually covered the bet and made almost four bucks. I must have had a bunch of 4/4 wins to do it. Fantastic!

Without hesitation, I played the ticket again, while Funkhouser played the horses on Sigma Derby. I had a few spins at it too, so much fun!

Turf satisfied, we surfed over to the Four Queens, where I was happy to see the bar devoid of any players, after the nasty video poker paytable downgrade of three days ago.

Funk went at some slots while I lined up for a table.

I had a quick peak at my Keno numbers.

I looked just like the guy in the screenshot. Ho-leeee Sheee-it! All five numbers hit on the second game! My ticket was already a winner at $181.25, with 248 games to go!

I wouldn't count my chickens though, the keno win doesn't apply to my day's results until the day I cash it in. Then I count the cost as a negative, and the winnings as a positive.

When I reached the front of the line, Katrina spotted me and dragged me immediately to her section.

"Good morning sugar baby," she said.

"Good morning sugar baby," I said.

No sour baby this time, just sugar baby all down the line

I had an omelette with onions, American cheese food product, sausage, and mushrooms, hash browns, wheat toast, strawb jam.

Funk showed up and grabbed some french toast and a coffee. I have no photos of the omelette but it looked just like... an omelette. Identical to the omelette I'd had on Friday. Very omelette-like.

Earlier in the week, I'd spied some $5 table limits at Downtown Grand. They don't open their games till 11:00 am but it was almost 11 and we headed there after breakfast.

Except for one stupid thing. I decided to exact monetary revenge on the Four Queens by making some profit - any profit - on the full pay Jacks machines. The sad truth is I had a horrible, horrible run. $100 gone with no full houses and only one flush. The only consolation is that I played one of the better games to be found, low volatility, and my anger at all things Four Queens these days set aside, a smart bet.

We played a little over an hour of blackjack with a fun dealer named Marie who was from Montreal. I think she appreciated my pidgin French. She was lots of fun, a great tip hustler, and full of jokes and silliness.

Someone asked if she knew Celine Dion and she deadpanned, "Of course, I knew her well, before she even started singing in English. She was very nice. We were good friends."

Funk ran up his $200 buy in to about double that but then crashed. I mostly flat-betted and considered myself lucky to get off the table even with my $100 buy in.

Around noon, the limits went up to $15, so the cheap bastard table limit window is small.

We played some at the bar and I dumped $100. Down $200 for the day. Not good.

We'd spent quite a bit of time downtown, and it was about time to go check in to Planet Hollywood.

Parking at the D still cost me $10 with three hours free. It fucking sucks.

It took 14 minutes to drive to the Planet Hollywood parking garage and park, and 90 minutes to walk from the car to the lobby, through the stupid design-fail Miracle Mile mall of death march.

We did the needful though, and the room is fine, with great views of the Bellagio fountains, and the pool.

View of Bellagio Fountains

What was all that whitish grey stuff in the air??

The only thing we could do was have lunch.

So we did, at the Cafe Hollywood, of course.

The waiter took my order of a turkey club sandwich.

"Thank you, I appreciate you, thank you thank you," he said.

Funkhouser ordered a chicken Caesar salad.

"Chicken Caesar, thank you, appreciate you, thank you, I'll get that working for you right away, appreciate you, thank you thank you thank you."

It's nice to be appreciated.

The food came and my club was quite good.

I think Funk's salad was just so-so meh average was what it was.

The waiter came by and I asked for some mayo please. And guess what?

"Right away, mayo, I appreciate you."

"Well, I appreciate you. And mayo. So goddamn much. Appreciate."

Funkhouser used his seemingly never-ending resort credit to cover the tab, and I, stupidly, had enough admin money on me in the right denominations to cover the tip.

We got up to go as our waiter picked up the paperwork.

"Thank you," I said, "It was good! I appreciate you!"

"Thank you, I appreciate you, come back and see us again, 'preciate you."

"Yes, we will, appreciate you!"

The three of us stood in a triangle, eyes flitting left and right to see who would make the next move.

It was a dreaded, deadly Appreciate You Mexican Standoff.

"Careful there, son..." I warned. "Don't make any false appreciation moves... nobody needs to die today."

"Thank you, thank you, thank you, 'preciate, thank you," the waiter said, side-eying me, trying to get the last Appreciate You in.

"'Prec you too."


"OK, so long thanks," I said, and started to back off before it got really ugly.

We took a few steps backed toward the kitchen.

"'PRECIATE YOU!" he yelled.

But just one step inside the restaurant, by the podium, I made my stand and played possum. I waited, biding my time.

And just as he came around the corner I fired off the last shot, "THANKYOUAPPRECIATEYOU!" and we bolted, heading for the hills.


    1. And I 'preciate getting the frequent updates, so that it almost feels like being there. PH is my LV "home", though things are deteriorating there as everywhere. If you're there at the right time, try the Prime Rib special. Best deal in the house!

      1. Thanks! Any other 'Ho tips are appreciated!!!

      2. Keep your socks on and your money stuffed in there until she's gone.

    2. And 'preciate the gamblers version of the song! NitaRoyal

    3. Not sure if the the parking at the Golden Nugget has changed or not over the past 3 years, but whenever I drove downtown I would park at the GN valet. They would always ask if I was a guest at the hotel, and I would always respond Yes, yes I am. Several hours later I would pick up my car, tell the valet I'll be back and give a $5 tip.

      wpete aka Lucas McCain

    4. FYI - No need to pay at the D, your Sapphire card gets you free parking at The Cal.


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