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Sunday, December 11, 2022

Jerry's Nugget - The Fondling

Day 4 The Bellagio Conservatory is nothing but a fakery backdrop for people to take photos of other people taking photos of the fakery.

And yet, the selfies prove out that having photo-taking self-absorbed people as a backdrop for selfies is a hit with fakery backdrop photo people.

This Christmas, the Conservatory theme is 'Christmas Fakery Backdrop' and I'm just not that impressed. As mentioned earlier, why not just play "It's a Small World After All" on endless loop?

I proved this out by taking a few selfies and sharing them with Jimmy Poon with the caption "Look, Jimmy Poon, I'm in Small World Selfie Christmas Acid Hunter S. Thompson World!!!"

I know, I know, people love it. People also love to have their kids bounced on the soiled knees of dime store meth-head fake Santas.

(All of above written pre-grinch-coffee. Did you know that Flushiepants graduated from Curmudgeon School summa cum get off my laude?)

I sent the same selfie to my sister Divana and she replied, "I have that same egg on display in my foyer. Mine's larger, with more gold."

Nature had its own brand of fakery, with an orangey-red sky at morning, gambler take warning vibe.

The morning routine was on rinse, repeat - get the fire going, room camping drip coffee from the Little Mini Giant cone, tea for the lady, and a couple hours of blogging, interspersed with moaning about the previous days losses.

The Quad Queen had not had a great night, so she opted for rest and relaxation while I went downstairs to the casino. I have unfinished business with video keno (and every other form of gambling, for that matter).

I played. And I played. And I played, trying to get that elusive five out of five.

I set the game up with five overlapping four spot tickets at a quarter a throw, and a five spot at three quarters. Total bet per spin, two bucks, and if all five hit, I'd collect around $750, enough to erase yesterday.

Time after time I got four out of the needed five. It kept me going for a long time, but I was left with a terrible case of red blue balls, because the jackpot never popped.

Although I got to ding-ding-ding for a couple of hours, a couple of hundies went away and in the end nothing came back.

I played another hundred on stupid, stupid BUFFFFFFFFALLLLLO!!!! falling for the same thing a second time - not noticing it was 5 cents a credit, not 1, and thus spinning $3 a go. Gone in 60 seconds.

So there I was, pre-breakfast, down my stake for the day. At least I had earned points for the precious, coveted Pearl level of MGM Rewards. I felt a certain hollow satisfaction in this.

Back in the room, I gently broke the news to the Quad Queen.

"I'm down three bills, I can't win in this shithole, so we're going to a better shithole - Jerry's Nugget. Saddle up, buttercup."

In fact, this was the plan, along with a Keno ticket stop at the D.

On the way out, I hid a lucky Official Business Card 2.0 for the operator of, who happened to be at Bellagio.

At the D, I cashed in the ticket from last trip for a hundred some dollars (a win!) and the ones from this trip. They didn't do well. The Quad Queen's tickets garnered a stellar return of 25%. Mine reached skyward as high as some 50%. This is what happens when you play 250 games on a ticket.

Who wants it?

What to do? Buy new tickets for 500 games (me) and 1000 games (her).

Jerry's Nugget is an old school locals place just north of downtown. To get there, you run the gauntlet of homeless, camped out on the sidewalks with their tents, tarps, shattered lives, and plastic bags of scavenged belongings.

A few of them have dogs, which must be at least a source of joy and a provide a sense of home.

This situation has improved none over the 25 some years I've been coming here. Something new has to be implemented, for these people need real help.

We arrived at Jerry's 'The Other' Nugget. As Bobby G had let me know, some of the folks around were a bit sketchy, and you probably didn't want to be a tourist here after dark.

Inside we found a place reminiscent of the El Cortez 15 or 20 years ago before they prettied it up and gutted all the good video poker. Except cleaner. A LOT cleaner.

And the ceiling was gorgeous.

The stunning foyer at Jerry's Nugget

There is a good selection of games, maybe not the strongest VP offerings, but lots of full pay to be found. There are table games with low minimums too, and a highly regarded coffee shop.

For the first time visitor, there are a bunch of goodies to be earned at the slot club.

It takes a dollar coin in to earn a point, so it takes $1000 coin in to earn $65 in food and $100 freeplay. That makes this a positive play if you play a 99% return game and if you are a new sign-up.

The boothling couldn't have been sweeter. Down home and friendly. We got signed up, got a tote bag and a t-shirt each free gratis, and got to playing.

I drew first Jerry blood.

We played for a while, and I blew back my winnings and buy-in going to higher and higher denominations. I will never learn.

The Quad Queen for some reason couldn't hit any quads, and this went on for most of the three or four hours we spent at Jerry's. It didn't let up until the end, as you will see in a bit.

We'd earned enough sign-up rewards for lunch, so we grabbed a table at Jerry's Famous Coffee Shop.

My kind of no-nonsense place. They even have a small counter.

Carne Asada comes with Soupor Salad. I chose Salad.

Carne Asada, $16

New York Steak 'n Eggs $14. Comes with toast (not pictured. Because just toast.)

Lunch was great! Very enjoyable. They have an amazing array of stunning desserts too, but we didn't partake.

Back in the casino, we carried on, and I found some luck on a BUFFFFALLLLLO!!!! machine. Lots of bonus rounds, and one particularly good spin that brought me back from $20 to $130.

Someone was trying to get my attention - the fellow sitting next to the Quad Queen, who was playing video poker 10 yards away. I cashed out and went over to see what was what.

You'll recall the hand from a few days ago where she ended up with four to a royal plus the 9 of spades, just to add insult to flushery.

Well, this time around she had the same hand. Except it was dealt.

There are three real choices here, some better than others.

Keep the flush. Keep four to a straight flush contiguous, hoping for either the 8 or King of spades. Go for the royal flush, hoping for the King of spades.

Of course she knew just what choice she wanted to make, and we saw what happened.

And you will too.


    1. Jerry's offer is great and you still have some comps to use again. When you go, take back to the room some of their cinnamon rolls (more like cinnamon roll cake) for breakfast.

    2. I got the highly covered flusher card you left at the change machine at the derby on saturday. I have been looking for on oof those cards for a long time..CHeers

      1. Excellent!!! I left it there just for you. Hopefully it will bring good luck, or at least folded twice, will level a cafe table leg.

      2. 'Jerry's Nugget - The Fondling' is the best title you've ever come up with for a segment! Took me a second time through to fully appreciate that.


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