The Big Train to Vegas

On our way to Tampa airport, we had a lucky train pass in front of us!

Actually, we were driving along, minding our own businesses, when the level crossing arms came down and the lights went on at the tracks.

"Oh boy, this is good luck! A train!" said the Quad Queen.

"Yeah, and we have El Primo Spotto to watch it go by!!" I responded.

We pulled up to the crossing and stopped and then heard the blaring of the loudest train horn you've ever scored an overtime goal to.

Three times it rocked the countryside, and then, finally, it appeared.

A single car. Self-propelled. With windows front, back, and sides.

"Oh great, said the Quad Queen. A Trainibago."

As you saw, we enjoyed Beaky the flamingo at TPA. There was a Wendy's nearby, so we each grabbed a double-Dave and wolfed it down. It's amazing that you don't even need to chew such a fast-food burger.

Security was a breeze. There was no Pre-Check on our boarding passes, but when our passports were scanned, they came up, so they sent us to the Civilized line and we were through in no time.

Flushiepants Security Detail on the tarmac.

We left late and on approach to Dallas, Cap'n Jimmy shoved the throttles balls to the wall at 200 feet and we went around for a tour. Something about the navigation systems cutting out at the airport. Nothing to fret about.

When we landed in Dallas 15 minutes later, we found our gate was in C terminal. We were in B terminal. The road from B to C terminal runs through El Paso. It takes FOREVER.

It took so much forever that we didn't have time to get any food before the second leg from Dallas to Vegas boarded. Such is life.

Actually, I did have a shot at getting food in the 7-Eleven there. It's all crap of course, but I did see a ham, egg, and cheese on a croissant that didn't have 900 ingredients.

But it did come with a $14.99 USD price tag.

Pass. Hard pass. Hard hard Fuck You 7-Eleven and your $14.99 two ounce sandwich PASS. What an INSULT.

Dinner, instead, consisted of one of these delicious Biscotti. Each. The Quad Queen ate hers stacked, like a double Biscotti Royale with cheese.

At least this flight left on time and when we landed, it was one of the quickest taxis to the gate and "Get out, get out, get the hell out!" experiences ever. And there we were, in the Vegas terminal. Back at last!

For our extreme room camping on this trip, we took it to another level, for which we'd need a rental car. So that meant getting to the rental car bus, waiting in line, much more shlepping of luggage.

As a plan ahead, I'd created a pick-up order at Walmart with all the goodies we'd need.

And of course, we brought the collapsible kettle, and a new edition, a HotLogic plug in mini-portable oven that isn't an oven at all and that I keep calling a HotSpot or HotPocket. It's brilliant!

I filled it with socks and underwear in my suitcase. Hopefully that won't be a problem later.

The timing of it all was pretty superb. We got to Avis, got the car, and trundled over to the Walmart on Eastern Ave, arriving almost exactly at our pickup time. Our order was ready, and in the trunk in 5 minutes.

We nipped in to pick up some hard stuff to take the edge off - Shmirnoff and Buffalo Trace - and were on our way to Bellagio.

The MGM app had issued a room and a key, and it all went perfectly, didn't even have to talk to anyone.

It was about 10 hours since we ate anything that wasn't a Biscotti, so it was time to do some room camping culinary cuisine food fireside cookin' - out came the punishment cheese sticks, buns, and roast beef.

The buns were really nice, made for a good sandwich.

Such is the eating habits of the cheap bastard.

We also needed some ice, obviously, to keep things cold. And the ice machine was either empty or not working.

A phone call got ice delivered from room service - at NO CHARGE!

And, we got a lovely bonus carrying bag and a plastic scoop.

First comp of the trip - a bucket of ice.

We had another drink and finally headed down to the casino, which was really the point of all this screwing around. It seems like such a straightforward thing when you plan it, but by the end of travel day... it's an ordeal.

I have extra respect for our UK and other overseas Vegas degenerates that have to fly across the pond just to deposit their dough (at a terrible exchange rate) in the greedy, hungry machines Stateside.

We didn't have much of a plan and didn't really look at paytables, just grabbed the first two machines we bumped into.

Amazingly, I'd only just put my slot card into the receptacle, and hadn't even sat down, when the cocktail waitress appeared.

"Maker's rocks," came my reply, pretty much automatically.

I found I was playing DreamCard for some reason. I've never played it before, but I got the hang pretty quickly. If the DreamCard symbol is dealt (always in the last position), the card changes to whatever helps your dealt hand the most.

Like if you are dealt two Kings, a six, a four, and a DreamCard, it changes to a third King.

And I got on the board first! And second - with quads! Good ole nickels! Good ole horrid strip paytables!

Thanks goodness, the Quad Queen also got on the board - with, what else? Four Queens.

We each got another quad, but our overall results were going in the dumper.

I wasn't down too much when I switched to quarter video keno at 8 quarters a throw. I got four out of five four times to keep me going but in the end, there was nothing to show for it.

We'd both blown our budget for the day, and it was 3:00 am Eastern time - bed and dreams of HotPockets were all I could think of.