Your Order Mr. Flusher

Day 1 - Part 2 and I still remember going without food for 13 hours in QQ Returns Vol. 1. No way am I going to let that happen again.

I'd had a good breakfast, a slice in Tampa for elevensies, and now we were in Dallas on a stopover.

It should be noted that I was wearing shorts and a t-shirt. And I'd packed a number of t-shirts. And more pairs of shorts. No jacket. No long trousers. No coveralls. No fur coat. No plus fours even, let alone knickerbockers.

Our plane to Vegas from Dallas was delayed - because in Las Vegas, which should be having warm spring weather, it was snowing.

Yes, snowing. It was 37 freezing degrees, with 50 MPH wind gusts, and it was snowing.

Not knowing how long the delay would be, I went on the food offensive. A nice feed of Kung Pao chicken from Panda Express, and it was delicious.

Speaking of food, we were trying a different room camping supply drop scheme. Because we wouldn't have a rental car for a few days, we wouldn't be able to pick up food.

But we could get delivery from Amazon Fresh! Brilliant! We spent an hour or so fine-tuning our order. They have this 2 hour delivery and I thought we'd be able to get our stuff this same night.

Well, 2 hour delivery only means they'll deliver within a two hour window - but the only slots available were for the next day. But that was okay, we had enough stuff with us to get by. And I had an airport full of fast food franchises to load up with before take-off.

I punched the Amazon order through for the next morning at 6:00am for $4.99 because idiots. I am still not sure how this works but $4.99 was a low price to pay for Jimmy Dean breakfast products hand-delivered to somewhere in the vicinity of our room at the Wynn.

It looked like another couple of hours or so before take-off. Our wonderful itinerary to get us to Vegas in mid-afternoon was shot. It'd be an evening arrival yet again.

My response to this was to return to Panda Express and have another order of Kung Pao - just the dish, no rice, no drink, no chit-chat.

Traveling makes me hungry, and I don't know why, but Wendy's was frigging right there and next thing I knew I was in line, still chewing spicy chicken.

No way was I going to travel hungry, no WAY.

Yup, I ordered my third meal of the layover, a double cheeseburger of some sort from Wendy's. Did I feel ill after? Hella ill. Did I feel hungry after? HELL NO.

I practiced Joker Wild video poker for a while, anticipating playing it at Wynn. Some of the holds still surprise me, like this one.

Well, eventually, the winds died down in Vegas, although the cold temperatures remained. We got loaded onto our great big piss-yella Spirit airplane mit der bigg seatz, and made our way to Vegas.

Vegas, sweet Vegas.

What happens in Classy Vegas, stays in Classy Vegas!

The luggage appeared as luggage often does, and we made our way to the cab stand. Holy shit, it was cold! The wind was still fierce and I was goose-nipples all over.

We grabbed a cab to Wynn in short order, and I laid $40 on the driver for a $27 fare, because it doesn't pay to mess with Mother Karma at the start of a Vegas trip.

Somebody billboard guy's 90s pager is going off about now.

Check-in was a breeze at Wynn. It was all good things. I found a lucky nickel quarter on the floor, and it was heads up. I stuffed it in Mrs. Flusher's bra, having learned a thing or two from I Put My Life on a Shelf and a thing or 4 from Kodidog.

The front desk people at Wynn are second to none. I inquired about a fridge and before I knew it, she'd set it up, picked a room, and offered us a choice of chilled or room-temperature water.

We hauled our bags across the casino. What a feeling it is when you finally arrive in Vegas, and you are walking through the casino, hearing all the sights, and seeing all the sounds, knowing you are about to embark on your own adventure.

We'd no sooner made it to our room when the guy arrived with the fridge. Room camping was now room glamping. No more ice runs. No more dead broccoli murder victim smells. No more moldy Jimmy Dean breakfast sandwiches!

Guess what we'd packed in the luggage? Room glamping vodka. So yes, there was an ice run and in inaugural cocktail, and then we headed to the casino.

We went to one bank of video poker and it was full. We went to another bank, and it was gone. We went to a third bank and it was full and I started to realize something. Video Poker is an endangered species on the strip. I never thought it would happen, but the penny video slots are just too strong a money-maker with their 86% holds. 

We wandered the casino floor, and it was literally impossible to find a video poker machine to play. There were even fewer machines than 6 weeks ago. And ironically, it wasn't all that busy in the casino, but the video poker banks were the only banks that were full up. A miscalculation on Wynn's part?

We circled the casino looking for VP machines to lose our money in and finally found one machine open. I waited around for someone to leave and got in on the fun.

And strangely, we could not get served. In 90 minutes we got one round of drinks.

Quad Queen is on the board. No kicker, though.

Fuck you, cock-blocker.

Quad Queen Day -$200 Trip -$200

Royal Flusher Day +$100 Trip +$100

Combined -$100