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Monday, August 7, 2023

Deftly and Confidently Bonered

Wednesday Feb 22, 2023 and the coffee was on, the tea was on, and the keno was on. And we hadn't lost yet. Best part of the Vegas day.

It was a moving day, so we kind of took our time this morning.

First things first, I went down to have my usual breakfast and check the our keno ticket.

I ordered my usual two over hard with sausage, hash browns, and wheat toast. 

I suppose I could post the same photo of breakfast over and over each day, so you can get the idea.

Breakfast was just the same, just the way I like it. Reliable, delicious, and comped. And then it was off to the Keno lounge to wake up some of the overnighters that passed out in their little keno desks.

Wait, what? We won on Keno?? Thanks, Carlos!

To my shock and surprise we had $86 coming back, a testament to my Keno savvy and prowess.

I went back upstairs to pack and collect the Quad Queen. We played Pinchy and Flashy in the alcove, and some other nearby machines. I played 50 cents and worked my initial $20 up to $100 the hard way - without hitting any quads.

The Quad Queen was showing some of her famous form, nailing all kinds of hands. We thought we'd put those mad skillz to work on the 50 cent 8/5 Bonus Poker progressive machines, which can be one of the best plays around.

Meanwhile, I was not hitting much but focused on taking the small wins, trying to keep the day positive.

By the time Dr. Raoul Shiboubou rolled around, we'd played quite a while and I was actually up a little bit.


The Quad Queen wasn't hungry for lunch, so the good Dr. and I headed back to the Market Street Cafe. I had a plan...

We ordered, shot the shit, ate, and had a good catchup. I had the amazing Hawaiian Hamburger Steak, and cousin Dr. Raoul had the 2's company pancake deal breakfast food menu item deluxe.

Then it was time to implement my plan - the plan to get Dr. S. a free lunch. I had the Quad Queen's coupon book as well as my own. We approached the cash registers and I told Dr. S to just breeze on through, making no eye contact, and acting like he had every right to dine and dash.

He executed this perfectly, and nobody batted an eye, except for me, as I flirted with the cashier.

I deftly and confidently handed over the bill and the two Aloha coupon books.

"Where's your wife this afternoon?" asked the cashier.

I deftly and confidently froze, eye staring vacantly at hers, blood rising from my neck into my "I'm totally lying right now" face.

She paused.

I gazed.

"Bathroom," I whispered. "The trots." I nodded deftly and confidently.

Maybe too much (phony) information but it got the job done. Coupons taken, bill stapled, toothpick grabbed, and I was deftly and confidently out of there.

Around the corner by the elevators, I caught up with Dr. Raoul.

"How'd it go?" he asked.

"Mission accomplished. Sorry you have the trots," I replied.


Meanwhile, the Quad Queen had stayed true to her moniker and hit a very nice quad.

We decided to head to the Plaza, and play some blackjack.

We walked over there and saddled up at a $10 table, while the Quad Queen pursued more video poker.

I played absolutely by the book. Meanwhile, Dr. Raoul would constantly stand on anything, depending on his gut feel. It drove me crazy.

Even worse, I lost my $100 buy in while he made $35. I took it out of his hide by finagling a $10 bet out of him.

We checked in on the Quad Queen, who was hammering an old school CRT video poker slant top. I went and played Buffalo while Dr. Raoul went to see if he could find his old favorite - a stupid Wild Orchid slot from like 1993 or something. He said he'd had luck spinning 40 cent bets on it.

I slinked back to join the Quad Queen (who had hit a couple of quads), having lost $40 on Buffalo. A short while later, Dr. Raoul showed up with a $200 ticket from stupid Wild Orchid! The gall!

Yay Quad Queen!

Yay Quad Queen x 2!

He was kind of interested in seeing video poker so I showed him Joker Wild. I played a few hands and for some reason - nerves? - I made some terrible, stupid mistakes, missing important holds.

"Shouldn't you have held that pair?" he said.

"I had a pair?"

"Yes, you did," said the Quad Queen.


That kind of thing.

Of course I went out and I could practically hear Dr. Raoul Shiboubou's beady little balloon-squeaky eyes rolling 1440 degrees back into his skull.

"Just a minute," I said. "Let me play something I'm really familiar with." Followed by a litany of bad excuses as to why I'd missed so many obvious holds on JW

I punched up Boner Deluxe.


Now the good Dr. was interested again.

A few hands in, I deftly and confidently held a pair of nines and Boom - Bonered!

Good ole CRT Boner Deluxe!

"OK, I kinda get it now," said Dr. Raoul.

"Yup, it's sweet when it works. I'm up $200 on the day now!"

We said our goodbyes. I'm always happy to see my cousin, and sad to see him go.

The Quad Queen and I walked through Circa on the way back to the Cal - she'd never been inside before.

Circa's ultimate man cave.

She wasn't particularly impressed with Circa, but I reckon a lot of the attraction to a new property doesn't happen until you hit a jackpot there. Then, all of a sudden, it's 'lucky'!

We'd booked our stay at the Cal to overlap Wynn by a day, and we went up to the Parlor Suite to pack up, even though we wouldn't actually check out until the next day. It took a long time, for some reason. Perhaps the reason is that it always does, it takes three times longer than you think it will, which is two times longer than you think it should.

I took a couple of trips to haul our luggage, left over food, drinks, and take-out down to the car. And I stopped at the front desk to talk about some issues.

The 27 bell desk tips were still on the folio, the sink was plugged, the shower was plumbed backwards, and there was a table in the room with a very heavy marble top that was not attached to the base anymore. It could fall and break a toe or injure a toddler. There was garbage in the hallway that remained there the entire stay - I don't think the hall was ever vacuumed while we were there.

I love the Cal and feel it is my duty to report on anything that must be done to improve their guest's 'experience'.

We said goodbye to the Cal for maybe the last time and drove to Wynn, arriving around 6:30. Check in was smooth, I got a great parking spot, and did the necessary sherpa shlep of our goods up the mountain.

We unpacked, and heated up some take-out Loco Moco after dousing it liberally with shredded cheese. We had drinks, ate, and by the time all that was done, we were both too beat to go downstairs and gamble.

We also made the critical error of flopping on the beds after eating and downing a bunch of hand-crafted cocktails. Half an hour of that and we knew we were done for the night.

The days results, I'm shocked and happy to say, were good.

Somehow, we'd both managed a winning day, and chipped away at the OhGod.OhGod.OhGod. amount we were down on the trip.

QQ: Day +$160 Trip -$OhGod.OhGod.

RF: Day +$200 Trip -$OhGod.

Combined: -$OhGod.OhGod.OhGod + $360.


    1. '...for maybe the last time.' Foreshadowing?

    2. A lotta goodbyes when it comes to Vegas these days.


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