Keno, the Gentleman's Game

Day 1 Wed Dec 20, 2023 and I had registered for the electronic key for the one bedroom suite they were comping me at Luxor.

The question was, which tower was it in? I guessed wrong.

It did say to use the Silver elevators - naming the elevators after colors is something I'm new to at Luxor. 

Sure enough, the e-key did it's magic and I got to my floor, and it also opened my room. It was nice to have something go smoothly for a change! 

Every time I stay at Luxor, I hate the casino more and more, and there is less and less of the old wonderful things about her left. Even the restaurants are decimated. Coffee shop in a place with over 4,000 rooms closes at 2:00 pm. What have they done to this place???

Where have all the machines gone? And the customers?

Still, the Tower rooms are quite nice and they threw the suite, $100 resort credit and $25 free play at me, so I went for it. I'm so tired on the first day I don't want to do much anyway.

So there I was.

It was about 11:00 my time. I'd been up since 6:00 am so the only reasonable thing to do after 14 hours of travel was to go straight to bed.

Naturally, I put my big boy degenerate pants on and headed straight for the casino. I secured my free play and confirmed my resort credit at the cage, and off I went to the bar.

I ordered an Absolut rocks, and started messing around.

I dumped a straight to go for it. FAIL.

Double Double went great for 7 or 8 songs on the PA system, staying within $20 of my buy-in. Then it crashed and it was time to change it up.

I've been thinking of slowing my play quite a bit this trip, playing lower volatility and lower denom stuff, hoping to spend more time grinding and less time broke and griping.

I decided to try some STP but picked Jacks because STP can eat you alive on Double Double.

Naturally that's when I got my first quad of the trip. Twos kicker. On Jacks. I know, I know, if I'd been playing blah blah blah I would have won 600 times more. It sometimes just happens this way. I shook it off.

I kept up the triple play and by the time I was almost $200 in, I was really feeling the drinks. Just two, but they must have been healthy (or unhealthy) pours.

I ordered a traveler to nurse, lost the rest of my $200 stake, and wobbled up to the food court, where a $20 cheeseburger and fries awaited.

It was good. Really good. And I was sloppy. Really sloppy.

Pulling a David Hasselhoff, I lost containment on the burg as I crawled across the floor.

At least I wasn't as badly off as this guy.

For some reason, they put a casino between me and my Silver elevator, waiting to lift me up the golden staircase to sleep, blessed sleep.

But I had a traveler and $25 freeplay Goldarnit, and by the Jeez I was gonna gamble it. On nickle video keno.

I put $20 of my own (admin money) in as well. I played 5 numbers with a nickel on all the 4 spot variation and a whopping 4 nickels on the 5 out of 5. 

MAN DOWN. I REPEAT - MAN DOWN.

I played for quite a while and at one point a lovely young woman with a custom Massage pillow (labeled "Massage") came along and said, "Would you be interested in hiring me for a massage?"

I said, "No, but I'll massage you for free."

I immediately regretted it. These things just pop into my head and usually I don't blurt them out loud. Usually, they end up typed into here or into Dwiggie's Messenger feed.

She swiftly walked away and rightly so. I whimpered a "Sorry - you've probably heard that too many times..." but it was far too late for that.

The more embarrassing and costly things get for me, the better the entertainment for you. I remind myself. Constantly.

The credits were really getting low and I was resigned to the fact that I would go to bed a $200 loser on the first night, which is not unusual.

I'd been cheering my numbers on to no avail. I'd get two, then three, get excited, and then it would fail. I never hit a 4 out of 5.

I was down to my last $1.65 - enough for almost 4 more spins. I know this by looking at the photo.

With 3 spins left I hit $182.05!!!! I immediately cashed out, and chuckled my way up to bed.

NOW I remember why Vegas can be fun!

That put me down only $36.70 for the first night. And I was up a comped Hasselhoff cheeseburger.

This is the 1,500th post on the blog. And some people have read every single one, including me.