Twenty Seven Bucks on the Parakeet to Win

I am certifiably unfit for Vegas duty for thinking that I can do an entire week in Vegas, including airfare, for $86 USD a day.

A number of you Savvies have pointed out that the gambling budget is ridiculously low. 

It's $191 over seven days. That comes out to whopping $27.28 per day.

Clearly, I've got to do a little flim flamming around, gotta finesse it a little bit, work the angles, sharpen the pencils, re-purpose the values, execute the savvy moves, and be extremely, extremely lucky.

Slot club free play promotions are not nearly what they used to be. But there are still a few to be had. I called my trusty tech savant Jimmy Poon for advice.

"Jimmy Poon, I need to find some ways to pump up my gambling budget."

Jimmy started to laugh at me, that high pitched girly-giggle of his that reminded me of someone who knows I've got toilet paper trailing from my shoe but won't tell me.

"Royal, you have a $27.28 per day gambling budget. And that's if you don't gamble at the airport on the way home."

"Well, no shit, Jimmy Poon, that's the problem! If that one penny a spin slot isn't still at Binion's, I'm going to be watching infomercials in my room for a week."

"Don't take your ATM card, Royal," warned Jimmy Poon. I could practically see the smirk as he stifled a gnome guffaw.

I used the silent routine. It took about 20 seconds of dead air before he came back with an idea.

"OK Royal, for starters, buy the Las Vegas Advisor (LVA) coupon book. It's got a bunch of coupons for match plays that you use. And the El Cortez has freebies if you show your boarding pass within 24 hours of arriving - $25 match play, and you can spin for free play."

"Jimmy Poon, that book costs $55! That's $55 USD out of my gambling budget!"

"Add up the coupons, and see what they are worth. It'll come out to more than you paid for the book. I have to go - I'm building my own infinite power source self-charging lithium iron phosphate bat-"

"Whatever." I said and hung up.

The Las Vegas Advisor Boner Book of Interstellar Values used to be a no-brainer every year. But I kind of forgot about it with the pandemic, and figured it would be gone or severely watered down.

Here are the gambling coupons I could feasibly use, given that I'll be taking the bus people's limousine.

El Cortez $10-$1,000 Slot Free-Play (spin the lucky rigged wheel)
Ellis Island Casino $10-$100 Slot Free-Play (spin the lucky rigged wheel)
Four Queens $10 Slot Free-Play
Plaza $10 Slot Free-Play
OYO $10 Slot Matchplay
Sahara Las Vegas $10 Slot Free-Play

These coupons would pump up my gambling budget by $60. When doing these hit-and-run coupons, the goal is to try to leave with cash I can use to play where I'm staying, or where the value is. How much will I pocket out of this remains to be seen!

Match play coupons are a bit trickier. You have to use real money. If you have a $25 match play, you bet the coupon plus $25 of your own on an even money bet. If it wins, you've got $50 profit. If it loses, you're out $25 plus whatever fraction of the cost of the coupon book it represents.

Downtown Grand $5 to $50 Match Bet
Downtown Grand 2-1 Payoff on first blackjack up to $25 bet
Ellis Island Casino $10 Matchplay
Golden Gate $25 Matchplay
Golden Gate 2-1 Payoff on first Blackjack up to $25 bet
Plaza $10-$50 matchplay
The D $25 Matchplay
Westgate Las Vegas $10 Matchplay

And if I happen to hit a Royal in the Sand Dollar at the Plaza, there's the Plaza Royal Flush Bonus of $500 free play. Unlikely.

Some of these match plays allow you to bet as much as $50. If I play every coupon to the max it totals $195. If I lose every bet, that's how much I could lose, plus the cost of the book.

That's unlikely. If I win every bet... well, that's pretty unlikely too.

I called Jimmy Poon back.

"How's Larry?" Jimmy Poon asked.

"He's good. I guess - he was good. He's gone back home. Left yesterday. I liked having a dog around here, and he was a really good boy."

"Royal, you gonna get the LVA book?"

"Well, it looks pretty good, but I'm trying to figure out if I can get my money back out of it."

"Royal, what's the expected value of a $25 match play coupon on an even money bet?"

"$25? Because I'll win if it's only one coupon?"

"Royal, what's the expected value of a $25 match play coupon on an even money bet?"

"Okay, I'm unlucky. $0."

"Royal... " Jimmy Poon sighed. I could hear what sounded like electricity crackling in the background. "If you were to play 1,000 match play coupons on an even money bet 50:50 bet, how many of those bets would you expect to win?"

I thought for about a minute.

"Half of them, if it's 50:50."

"And if a win pays $50 and a loss is minus $25, that's an average of a $25 for a win. How much is that for 500 wins? Never mind - it's 500 times $25 or $12,500."

I whistled like Bogart and said, "That's a lot of dough."

"If you win $12,500 over 1000 bets, how much is that per bet?"

I thought about that for two minutes.

"Twelve dollars and fifty cents!!!! Jimmy Poon, each $25 LVA match play has an expected value of $12.50!!!"

I heard some elfin giggling and some very loud sparks.

"Wrong."

"WHADDAYA MEAN WRONG??!!!"

"Royal, if you bet, the pass line on craps, the house edge is 1.4%. Your $50 bet returns, on average, $49.30 in the long run."

"Jimmy Poon, so, the answer is each $25 match play coupon should be valued at exactly, precisely, less than $12.50."

I heard fumbling noises, some distant shouting, and then some very loud beeping before the call was disconnected.

If I played the match plays to their maximum value (i.e. $50 for the variable amount ones), I should potentially win $195 x 98.6% divided by two (if I win half of the bets).

$96 profit, well above the $55 cost.

If you added in the free play coupons, and one or two of the food discount coupons, the LVA book was still a no-brainer.

In addition, I found a downloadable $10 match play coupon for the Downtown Grand, another slightly less than $5 value.

It looked like the LVA book would add about $100 to my gambling stake, after the $55 cost was covered. Sweet! How it actually turns out... well, read the trip report and see.

The Las Vegas Advisor Boner Book of Interstellar Values

There are also a couple of other angles to try. The D, Golden Gate, and Circa have had different promotions where you go up to the slot club booth and utter a magic promo phrase like "Say Hi to Matthew", "Matt Bridger", "Richard Wilkens" and the like.

In return, they gave you a $25 match play chip.

As far as I know, the Circa one is still working, but there are limits on how many times you can redeem it.

And, as Jimmy Poon mentioned, there's the El Cortez promo - show your boarding pass within 24 hours of your flight, and you get a $25 match play, and a spin of the rigged free play wheel for $10 to $1000. 

Things are looking better in the gambling department, but it's not without risk.

And isn't that what it's all about?

I win, I get more gambling fun! I lose... I learn about the latest Popeil Set-it-and-forget-it Chop-o-matic Pooncersizer on the infomercial channel for days on end.

That reminded me.

I called Jimmy Poon.

"Hey Royal."

"You okay? I thought I heard sirens a minute ago."

"Yeah, I'm okay. My kid's parakeet got out of its cage and punctured one of the lithium cells in my test battery. But it's all fine."

"That's good. Can you believe the Quad Queen and I used to do Vegas with a gambling budget of just $80 a day between us? This reminds me of those days a bit. You know... I'd miss you if you went up in flames, Jimmy Poon."

"Yeah... Royal... I miss the Quad Queen."

"I miss her too, Jimmy Poon. I miss her too."

The line went silent.

Finally...

"How much, Royal?"

"A lot, Jimmy Poon. A real lot."

---

He's back home after vacation at my house. Take care, Larry!

More than you wanted to know about promotional chip valuation at wizardofodds.com.