Excalibur Correctional Institution

Day 4 Saturday Sept 7, 2024 - part 1

Well, I had a proper Friday night in Vegas with Bobby G, and went to bed about 3 hours later than I have been all trip. And, as a result, I slept in a bit.

On trips of a week or less, I like to try to stay on Eastern time. That means I get up early, before much is happening in the casinos, and get the writing out of the way.

I've learned tremendous discipline from this pursuit - I remember trips where I tried to keep it 'live' and ended up days behind and not being able to remember all the amusing details that make a trip report interesting to skip over read.

Breakfast was the same healthy in-room fare - nuts, coffee, and oatmeal, this time featuring A. Banana.

To my surprise, people outside were pickling their balls on the pickleball courts. There was a train, too.

Today was also moving day, so between making disgusting food in a mug, blogging and packing, I didn't have a chance to gamble downtown at all in the morning.

I quite enjoyed my stay at the Plaza and would stay there again without hesitation. I doubt my next round of offers will be any good because of my strict bankroll control - and the fact that I undoubtedly won at the Plaza during my 3 days there.

The MGM people let me know that I could check into my room ahead of time in the app, so I spent 10 minutes doing just that. It's been convenient before, and I like the 'use your phone for a key' system. For people like me that hate lines, it's ideal to be able to get to your room without dealing with anyone.

To be an actual Cheap Magnificent Bastard, you can't just throw money at Uber whenever you want to go somewhere. No no, it's the People's Limousine for you.

Or in this case, me.

I'd already bought a 3 day pass for the extravagant senior discount price of Ten Whole Dollars, and the RTC app showed me it really wasn't all that far to the bus stop.

I used the one on Carson behind the D, but it probably would have been just as easy to use the one on the other side of Neonemptiness. (Will that place ever make money?)

My bus luck has been astounding so far - I haven't waited more than two minutes for any bus. Gosh, you're thinking, what an accomplishment.

And today, same same, I got to the stop just as a copy of the Deuce pulled up. I found a nice place to settle in at the back of the lower level - a bit clumsy getting there with my luggage and pockets full of gold-bearing gravel that I pick up here and there.

I was prepared for a fairly lengthy ride - the Deuce can be a really slow conveyance. In a fit of savvy preparation, I had some foam earplugs at the ready. I installed them, and blissed out, watching the pavement lurch by for the better part of an hour.

Sometimes that damn Deuce just sits at the curb when it could go - keeping its inefficient schedule. God forbid the thing should be useful.

By now, savvy readers will be thinking 'uh oh' - all in good time.

There are annoyances and complaints to be dealt with, to be sure, something I am expert at. I'm an esteemed member of a club in the Greacey Palms Senior Putt Putt Trailer Park in Florida in which we meet and do nothing but compare symptoms and ailments.

In what I thought was a win, by 11:30, I was notified that my room was ready, and my digital key was available for use. My room was on a very low floor and I was prepared for a crappy view. Well, if needs must, I could deal with it. The important thing was I had my room 3 hours early without paying an early check in fee, or keeping my luggage with me for hours, or using the bell desk to store my all-important life-critical goods.

By noon, I was shlepping my rolling goods along the clickety-clack burning hot sidewalk outside my new digs - Excrapular! Dickscalibur! Exscabular! The Dirty Castle!

I breached the drawbridge, fought my way to my tower, saw that my digital phone key worked in the elevator, and it worked to open the door to my room - which was situated no less than 100 yards from the elevators. Trust me, I counted the steps.

The room cell is pleasant enough, except for the view. Behold!

Not bad, not bad. Except for one thing.

The 'view'.

Sigh.

behold.

That's what you get for having a cell assigned early.

Fuck me, I wanted a Strip view. Not a Strip Search view!

I pondered whether I wanted to make a fuss about it, but it's Saturday night, I got the cell three and a half hours early - I decided to wait and see if it really bothered me or not. I could always get a different cell when they are less busy.

Now, for this next part, you have to understand two things. One, I do not trust MGM's systems to do what employees say they will do. Two, the booking story.

The Booking Story

The booking story goes like this. I got an offer for 4 nights comped, $100 resort credit, $25 free play, and two buffets. I phoned in to book on July 29th. The agent told me that that offer was for July and August and I should wait until August to book, when the offer would be good for August and September. I booked on August 1st. My confirmation made no mention of the two buffets. I phoned back in and the agent said 'don't worry, the delicious comped buffets will be on your card when you get there'.

Don't worry, she said.

I know better. I worried.

After getting a few things unpacked in my cell, I headed out. On the way, I got a pocketful of those plastic bags they put in the ice buckets from a maid.

Then I continued on down to the Player's Club and spoke to Jon, who was very helpful.

He printed me up a couple of spare Cardboard Level MGM cards, and confirmed that I had $100 resort credit, and $25 free play.

No mention of the two buffets.

I'm counting on those buffets a) to provide a huge meal and b) to provide stuff I can pilfer for the cell.

I asked Jon about them and explained The Booking Story, showing him the screen captures and so on.

He went and made some phone calls and said that that offer was not available any more when I'd booked.

I smiled and made pleasantries and asked him to perhaps knock off a couple of resort fees to make up for the mis-communication.

Jon went away and came back with a buffet comp.

He was halfway home, why not give me two buffets, and then we'd be done? I had half a mind to scream that I wanted to see the warden, banging my tin cup back and forth across the cage bars behind which Jon the Screw was ensconced, safe from the shivving I'd normally give anyone withholding a buffet from me.

But that's when I remembered I'd left my sharpened screwdriver in my cell, and besides, I was hungry.

So, I went up the escalator to the buffet and had a chat with the cashier. I told her The Booking Story and she confirmed that no buffets were attached to my players card.

She also expressed dismay that Jon, pleasant as he was and semi-helpful to boot, should have just given me two buffets passes, not one.

And she suggested I talk to The Front Desk people.

And with that, I entered The Buffet, which some people, inexplicably, call a "boofay".

I was handed off from one guard to another like a piece of Pony Express mail, until I got to the final guard who assigned me a table.

To be continued...