I am a Cheap Magnificent Bastard

Day 8 Wed Sept 11, 2024

The final, ultimate, ending wrap-up results and comp accounting spin post...

But this trip is not over.

My flight home was LAS to PHL, and then PHL to Watertown (ART) with only a 35 minute layover.

Take-off from Vegas was delayed by 45 minutes, and I was re-booked for Thursday by the American auto-bot. When we touched down in Philadelphia, there was probably just enough time for me to make my flight - except there was no gate, and we sat on the Tarmac (TM) for almost an hour.

American Fuck You Airlines would do nothing for me. The pilot had said the delay was because of a mechanical problem, but what does he know. It was probably the extreme California smoke wildfire in Vegas.

I booked a room at the Hampton Inn Philadelphia International Airport room on the HHonors app for $150 and took the free shuttle over there.

It's ironic that I spent a total of $125 for 7 nights in Vegas, and this place is $150 for one night.

And oh my God, what a dump.

People love to say places are a dump, but when I say this place is a dump, I'm in serious dump city. The dump factor here is off the dump charts. From the dumpy carpet to the dumpy walls to the dumpy bathroom - everywhere you go there is dump stench and eye-searing dumpitude.

Calling this place a shithole would be a compliment.

I could disgust you with a plethora of photos of the filth in the joint - but I'll just share a couple.

I had dinner at Ruby Tuesday's - right next door, and the only option.

It was okay but the dump proximity to the Dumpton Inn had rubbed off on the staff. These dishes stayed there... and stayed there... until I finally asked the server to take them away.

I asked for more napkins (because wings) and she brought me a small handful of cocktail napkins. I have no idea.

Back in the room, I buried myself in TV - I was actually afraid wary of going to bed. There was no pull-down blind - somewhere along the line it broke, and was never replaced. So there was just a sheer valiantly attempting to block the two hundred parking lot lights just outside, each giving approximately 1M candlepower of sun-blinding white light.

My eyelids did their work and I managed to sleep.

No way was I showering in that bathroom, so I brushed my teeth (no cups in the room, big surprise) and went down to enjoy the included complimentary breakfast, which was - do I really have to say?

I managed to find a few calories, but refugee oatmeal in a stolen California Hotel and Casino mug would have been 99 Michelin fucking stars by comparison to the Dumpton hotel breakfast.

As soon as was humanly possible, I took the shuttle out of there to the airport, where I had about four and a half hours to kill.

While having a coffee in terminal F, I went over my options for compensation.

My flight was booked through RBC Avion program, on points. And I used the RBC card for the fees. I always make sure to use the same card, as I have a vague recollection that there might be some form of trip interruption insurance - if you use the card and points to book.

Which I did.

I called the 0.75 pt font 800 number hidden on the back of the Visa card... it probably isn't that small to you kindergarten youngsters under 55 - but for this 'almost senior' it's laughable.

Fortunately, my piPhone 3.14 has a magnifier app and I know how to fumble it open.

I had a nice chat after making sure not to 'appuyer le Numero un pour Francais' and the agent, Nadine, confirmed that yes, I do have coverage for trip interruption costs such as my hotel and some food.

She's sent an email with the deets on how to make a claim.

Some wandering around left me with... just four hours to kill till my flight to Watertown, and then an hour and a half or so drive back to Flusherville.

There are some cool art exhibits in the PHL airport.

I wandered back, I wandered forth, I sat in various places.

Dead on noon, I called lunchtime, and enjoyed a delicious burrito bowl.

It was $13, tax included, and hopefully would be covered by my insurance claim. I wonder how much a cheeseburger is at the airport? I bet it's cheaper than on the strip's $22, which tells you how far wrong we've gone as a species.

Just before boarding my flight, the gate agent announced they needed three passengers to volunteer to get bumped in return for a free flight voucher.

I thought seriously about this - for about 0.82 seconds. No. Not today. Not after an already 32 hour journey.

We got loaded up, waited in line with 10 other planes for the runway for about half an hour, and then it was wheels up and bye bye Philly.

We landed (obviously), my car was there, the Tercel keys were still with me, it started, and besides making a quick stop for some supplies and duty free liquor, I skedaddled across the border and made it home to Flusherville at suppertime.

Final Accounting Spin and Results

The Cheap Magnificent Bastard Trip is done.

And by God, I am a certified Cheap Magnificent Bastard!

I did it!

I killed it!

My out of pocket expenses were $516. I won (!) $246 gambling. That brings the net cost out of pocket to a measley $270 for a week long trip to Vegas, all in, including airfare. Plus, I was the beneficiary of a number of ko-fi donations that covered the $270 cost! What a fantastic result, and again, I thank you for your support!

I'm not including the expenses in Philadelphia, because I will be getting those back from credit card insurance (I hope).

Match Plays

The expected value of match plays in the long run is way positive, so the conventional wisdom is to do every match play you can get your hands on.

Through the Las Vegas Advisor Boner Book of Interstellar Values, the El Cortez boarding pass promotion, the Circa 'Say Hi to Matthew' promotion, and the gift of four Golden Gate match play chips from Dr. Shiboubou, I had a decent number of attempts to work from. Here's how it ended up.

Match Plays done: 12
Match Plays won: 6
Match Play win rate: 50%
Bets cost:  $310
Amount won: $470
Profit: $160

With a bit of luck, I could have done a lot better. If I'd won just one more $25 match play, my take would have been $235. But as it is, I won the expected number of bets - exactly half of them.

Comps

This is where it gets fun. I valued the rooms by looking at the going rate for the dates of my trip. Because they were within range of what I would actually be willing to pay out of pocket, I kept those values.

Between airfare ($400), rooms ($697), resort credit, food and buffets ($238), match play wins ($160), and all the bits and pieces of free play, the total comp value comes out to $1,827.  

Add the out of pocket cost of $516 and the total value of the trip was $2,343.

I think that's extraordinarily good - a $2300 trip for about $500, and I won $246 gambling on top of it.

There's not much more to say - this trip was a total success. I had a fantastic time, got to hang out with friends, won in the casino, and enjoyed amazing support from savvy readers. 

Thanks again for reading, and if you enjoyed the report, a ko-fi is always welcome. It does take out of pocket costs to run the blog, and of course, it takes two to three hours per blog entry to put it all together.

Yrs,

Royal Flusher