Instant Karmoo

Friday Dec. 27, 2024 

The untold story can now be told. Bobby G had planned to join me for one night in Vegas, but the weather had other ideas. His three hour drive to the airport would have been a slog through mountain snow and ice.

Unfortunately he had to cancel the trip. Of course, such a risky journey would be totally worth it to hang out with the likes of Flushiepants, but Bobby G didn't see it that way.

I woke up with Rio at about 8:00 Eastern time and man, my head was throbbing. It was pulsating rhythmically and emitting a neon green light through my eye sockets.

It also hurt.

The old girl has a new coat of makeup on, and Rio can give 'er like she did 30 years ago.

I downed a Tylenol and got in the shower.

It's one of those ones with half a pane of glass instead of a shower curtain. This one, intelligently, has a cutout so you can turn the water on and get the temp right without getting blast of freezing water on your bare necessities.

When I got out after the better part of 40 minutes, I still ached. Traveling is hard on a body.

Next up, in room coffee. The Little Giant is in daily use back home, so I brought the Portable Beaker again.

I've made yet another room camping improvement, replacing the 30" power cord for the Portable Beaker with one that's a scant foot long. That saves many grams of dead weight in my suitcase.

The coffee was good, but lacking cream. I hadn't seen any places to scarf up stolen packets of things, creamers, and so on in Rio.

Next up, write the blog, drink the coffee, and eat some punishment nuts for breakfast. This task took me a couple of hours and then it was time to brave the casino.

My room suite doesn't have much of a view.

My stake for the day would be four bills. Surely I would get some good quads and maybe a royal, given that last night was such a debacle.

Heading out the door, I saw one of those pizza flyers. I hate the idea that these mooks can count on security being so lax that they can plan to wander through every hallway in the hotel, shoving their flyers into the doors - into my door!

(I handed the flyer in to a woman at the check-in desk and she said, "Oh... them again." Yes, Flusher is quite the busybody know-all on his search for hotel perfection.)

The machine of choice was one of the newer uprights, quarter single line Double Double Bonus.

By the way, slot points are earned on video slots at the rate of $1.25 per point. Video poker takes eight times that - $10 a point, or 8 hands at $1.25. Sadly, video Keno is rated the same. But that doesn't matter, it's a terrible game anyway and you shouldn't play it - even though I do.

I got busy and ordered a coffee from the cocktail waitress that was very quickly on hand.

The pattern was I would slowly drop way down in credits and then hit a quad. Then drop way down, then hit a quad. Then drop way down... and drop all the way to zero.

It took almost two hours. Over a total of 1,152 hands, I got only two quads. In spite of having so many three-of-a-kinds, I never converted any of them, and both quads were from two cards held. No premium quads, either.

No royals.

Well, I'd had a good long play, but never got the hands I needed to get ahead. And I was halfway through my day's stake before lunchtime.

Wandering the casino (and observing from my video poker spot) I noticed that there are a lot of families here, a lot of Asians, and a lot of Asian families, and quite a few dogs, and quite a few Asian families with Asian dogs. I'm not sure if this is typical of Rio, or it is just spillover from the Christmas holiday.

I ducked into the high limit room and found a very nice machine to play. I put $100 in there and planned to play $20 or so in (deep breath) Triple Play Double Double Bonus Double Super Slutty Times Pay video poker. I'd cash out after $20 or so and move on if I hadn't hit anything.

A quad! From two. No kicker. No multiplier.

A quad! From two. No multiplier.

Above is what I have to show for $200 over about half an hour.

Yup. No self control.

I had so, so many opportunities to score big with three of a kind dealt, often with a multiplier. Even three Aces with a multiplier (5x!). Any one of those could have totally changed the trip. But instead, they fell to the floor like a pair of Jimmy Poon's dirty underwear.

Now I was in real trouble. And I was angry. And very hungry.

Back in the room, I regrouped - and reloaded my wallet with the last of the money I'd brought from home. The plan was to head to Gold Coast, and maybe Palms, and continue to walk west until I found a Bank of America ATM. I'd get lunch somewhere, and hit Walgreen's on the way back to Rio.

The only food at Gold Coast that interested me was Ping Pang Poon, but prospective customers were lined up outside like anxious dental supply conventioners at a rub-and-tug massage place.

I don't even know what that means, I just try to type funny things and next thing you know, I've alienated some group or other. In this case, I'm not sure if I've insulted the dental supply lobby, or the rub-and-tug cohort.

Del Taco? Never been. I walked over to try it out and ordered two burritos the size of my <insert klaxon sound effect>. It was too much, so I ate the filling out of one, skipping the tortilla, and demolished all of the other one.

It was all delicious, and cost $15.

The weather today was spectacular, warm enough in the sun for shirtsleeves.

I even sat outside Gold Coast for a while and caught some light.

Back in the Gold Coast, I loaded up a machine I'd chosen for my traditional shared Keno play with my buddy YoLeven.

Fifty bucks in, dollar a pull, five numbers. Five out of five pays $838.

I came close, but never got those numbers.

Missed it by one. $13 instead of $838.

I kind of liked the machine, so I put another $50 in. I had something I wanted to try - Four Card Keno with three cards playing a three spot ticket for a quarter each, and the fourth playing a five spot for a buck.

I figured I'd get paid more often with the three spots than with four spots, and I wouldn't get as angry when four numbers were chosen, but didn't align with any of the three four spot tickets I played. Get it? Got it? Good.

And work it did! I hit 3 out of 3 a number of times and worked my way up to $80 or so. I played for maybe ten minutes or so when four numbers of mine came up quickly, and before I could really think about cheering on number number five (?!) it fell into place.

I was quite astonished. I muttered, "I did it. I got it!"

My trip instantly had turned around. The win actually put me up a little! Everything I'd lost last night and this morning... was back!

That's the way!

I cashed out the ticket and put it in my wallet, and loaded up another hundy. I figured I was hot, why not try to hit it twice?

Yeah, I didn't hit it again.

Next I played a stupid video slot called Outback Jack (kind of cute), and then Bufffffalllllo!!!!!!!

I got a decent bonus round, ran $20 up to $50 and back down to $20 again and... shocker - I cashed out even. I didn't lose!

Happy as a lark, a spring in my step and a burrito in my pants, I stopped off at Walgreen's for punishment snacks, and some new razors.

I bought a bunch of these green Shick Xtreme razors a year ago and I've been using them on trips - and they are horrible. They get dull fast, or are dull to begin with, and I keep getting nicks from them.

A few days ago I used a brand new one and gouged a spot under my right lip. I've had to edit that part out of my photo because it looks like a syphilitic canker or something. So, I picked up some Bic Flex 3 Titanium ones. We'll see how they are.

And after that, I made a quick stop at the bar to procure some half and half for tomorrow's coffee from the same barkeep I tipped a $5 bill last night. These things pay off in unexpected ways.

Call it Karmoo.

And now, you're all caught up. In the room I put stuff away, put stuff in the fridge, took some pics of the view, and then typed this up.

And then typed this. And then typed this.

Will I go down to the casino tonight and ruin a perfect comeback?

 

"There's wings to the thought behind fancy

There's wings to the thought behind play

And dancing to rhythms of laughter

Makes laughter the rhythm of rain" - Michael Nesmith - Rio.

Don't be a stupid schmuck - of course I am!