A Keno Sandwich

Day 2 part 2 - And so it was that I pulled a couple of extra degenerate hundies from my stake, jammed them into my empty Travelambo, poured myself a huge traveler into a half bottle of Diet Dr. P, and ventured forward into the Luxor casino.

I'd done a pretty good job of filling time since blowing through my day's stake. I wasn't angry (!) and I found the afternoon relaxing. Writing the blog was good fun. And I spent some time prompting Jimmy Poon's AS to good effect.

One of my savvy video Keno buddies, Yoleven, and I have a reciprocal gambling partnership. When one of us is in Vegas (or on a cruise ship), that person bets $50 on dollar video Keno. The other person chooses the 5 numbers. If the bet comes in, we split the winnings.

I'm a tad embarrassed that I haven't won this in some time and I'm pretty sure Yoleven has had many more wins than I have. But I take comfort in giving him the gift of giving and the good giving feeling that comes with giving cash to me. I'm pretty generous that way.

Luxor is doing a roaring business.

The casino was pretty dead, save a happy, laughing loud couple just to my left. It was a pleasant place to be, no smoke, no crowds, and the music was inoffensive.

I loaded up $50 into the machine and went through the ritual, texting Yoleven the results as we went.

Three or four times we hit four out of five but sadly the outing remained a loser.

I firmly placed the blame on Yoleven's choice of numbers so he could have that gift too. Honestly, it's hard work being as nice as I am.

In spite of all this, he cheered me on through the evening as events unfolded.

I switched to nickel multicard Keno and poured more money into the hungry machine. They love to take it and they never want to give it back.

The corner numbers have been good to me, so I set up a combination of cards covering the 5 spot tickets, and one covering the 6 spot. I bet two nickels on each of the five and the maximum of four nickels on the 6.

The 6 spot is exponentially harder to hit than a 5 spot. Betting extra does two things. It give back some credits for near misses to keep you going, and if it does hit, you win big. Like a shit ton of nickels big.

Dink drink dink drink dink drink... video Keno is nothing if not an explosion of boredom! It's a wonderful way to while away a lifetime.

I was a good way into the last of my day's stake when I finally hit something.

Five out of five on one of the five spot tickets for a total win of 1,968 nickels, or $98.40.

WOOHOO!

Well five minutes later, another hit!

WOOHOO WOOHOO!

 Times were looking better in the Luxor casino.

I played on! And on! And, as I watched, a five numbers hit and with a few numbers yet to go, the numbers ringing in at breakneck speed, my mind had just enough time, a millisecond really, to think "HOLYSHITBATMAN CMON CMON DEARJESUSGOD GET ONE MORE NUMBER ONE MORE JUST ONE MORE BRINGIT BRINGIT BRINGIT BRINGIT FLUSHER NEEDS A KENO SANDWICH CLENCHING MY TURDCUTTER NOW ITS GONNA ITS GONNA ITS GONNA ITS NOT GONNA WILL IT WILL IT WILL IT?"

And it did.

All of 'em, I got all of 'em and all the cards, including the six out of six, paid out to the max!

(It was at this point I should have noticed something but didn't. Can you, savvy reader, spot anything?)

As the credits rang up and up I of course exclaimed very loudly "YES!!!" and threw my arms in the air in triumph.

As I picked up my arms from the floor where they'd landed, the fun couple were agog with questions and congratulations.

"What did you win? Way to go!!!"

"Ummm a lot of nickels. I'm not exactly sure! $600 or something?"

I was at 10,000 nickels and counting.

"Ten thousand nickels... eleven thousand... shit, that's a lot of nickels!"

"Congratulations, sir!" (Sir? Clearly he didn't know me.)

The dinging finally stopped and I pulled out the calculator. $702.

We chatted back and forth about it and I cashed out and stood.

"Man, I had to pee so bad," I said. "I was just holding on, crossing my legs, just a few more games... gotta go - guard my machine!"

The wife then said "Want me to hold your ticket?" with a laugh.

I behaved. "I'm totally not going there!"

The husband chimed in with a few choice comments and I tore off to the men's.

And I've been eating there for 30 years.

I returned to my machine and threw some more money in, keeping the ticket in my wallet where it belonged, much as I would have liked to have the pretty lady hold it.

I played a bit more and the couple finally cashed out and left. And I left too.

Hunger had taken over and with a decent win in my pocket, I decided to revisit an old friend up in the food court.

Original Chicken Tender still makes 'em fresh while you wait. It was delicious, a perfect drunk, winner chicken dinner.

As I ate I thought about our first trip to Luxor. The first meal we ever had was at what was called the Nile Deli, now the Backstage Deli. It sat next to the Nile River Ride. The second meal ever was at the Manhattan Buffet, which was in the space now occupied by the food court.

Tied into the attractions including "In Search of the Obelisk" was an ersatz Manhattan skyline, and if you looked closely, you could see King Kong climbing one of the fake buildings. I hunted around the internet but haven't found a pic of it.

King Kong. Long Gone.

Hey Luxor, is that your obelisk or are you just happy to see me?

I went back to my (now) 'lucky' video Keno machine, put some cash in, and saw that someone had been playing the machine while I ate. The 'A' card was different.

So, I set up the 'A' card to what I wanted, and went through betting two credits on A, B, C, D, and E and four on F.

That's when I realized I'd made a stupid dumb-ass mistake previously! (Did you spot it?)

There are SIX different five spot cards you can create out of six numbers, and I'd only bet on five of them.

I changed the F card to the missing five spot, and added G as the six spot, betting four credits on it.

I pressed the button one time and hit a five out of five on the very first try!

Holy shit. I'd made another mistake, leaving the F card with four nickels bet instead of two and that was the one that hit! I got paid double, $160.80 instead of $80.40.

Thinking through all this, here's what I think.

I'd missed betting on one of the 5 spots. The first two 5/5 wins I had were not that card. I could have potentially missed getting paid for a 5/5 if the missing one's numbers had come up. Nothing lost at that point.

When I got all the numbers, I was paid for 6/6 and five 5/5s. I missed out on getting paid for the missing 5/5, a loss of $80.40 (1608 nickels).

But when I'd mistakenly bet 4 instead of 2 on the last hit, I was paid an extra $80.40, the mistake covering the previous mistake.

So in the larger sense, the two mistakes canceled each other out. But then I thought, well, the whole time I was playing earlier, I was missing one of the five spot cards, so I was betting 2 nickels less each time than I would have. But then I thought further that I missed out on the partial wins like 4/5 on that missing card.

This is a lot of mental fuckery to come to the conclusion that damn, I was lucky tonight! Two mistakes, one canceled the other, and I ended the day a winner!

I finished the day up $518 and that puts me at plus $628 for the trip so far. The Travelambo is full again!

Del Taco, performing his breakout instrumental hit "Fez You!" at the Go Go a Go Go Surf Club.