Keno with the Contessa

Day 4 - I woke up and immediately put on my Christmas socks.

These were given to me by my niece Lamondo, who, like the socks, is very special.

And I've worn them every Christmas day for around 25 years, with only one miss.

Guess I better wash those suckers, eh?

The Little Giant worked its magic, and I did my morning writing. I also consumed a dodgy sandwich, which I'd procured 2 days earlier at CVS - the only turkey meal I'd have around Christmas.

It was pretty awful, and it was a day past its 'horrible before' date. That made it even more horrible. It's a gamble I'm willing to take, I always back my own guts.

The bad weather had blown out of Vegas in the night and the day dawned elegantly, angelic, and beautiful, like a magnificent sunny fucking bastard.

Writing, coffee, chores, and sandwich choking down completed, I hit the casino. A second cup of coffee appeared at my command and I went on an amazing Keno run, hitting a bunch of 5/5s. It was really quite extra, as the yout's say.

SIX of these in 59 minutes. It was really quite extraordinary. I cashed out a $400 profit, secure in the knowledge that with that cushion, I COULDN'T POSSIBLY end today with anything less than another win.

I worked out a plan for the rest of my day and set about executing it by inexplicably eating an entire bag of po ta to chips in the suite.

I just meant to take a break and have a few chips, and next thing I knew there weren't enough to bother saving them.

Call it lunch, I guess.

My plan for Christmas Eve was always to spend it at Wynn, Luxor being too depressing a place to be (although that ended up being somewhat misguided). The weather being nasty, I didn't go to Wynn, and today seemed like the day to do just that.

Lyft whisked me off to the South Gate and I couldn't wait to play my old Keno machines and enjoy two and exactly two mojitos.

Well. The slow decimation of machines I'm interested in playing continues. I saw no sign at all of the Game Kings I lovingly played, and the video poker machines with Keno on them seemed scarcer.

I got new slot cards and checked to see what riches in freeplay and promotional bonuses were available.

The McLaren store at Wynn was suddenly timely with Lando Norris' championship win this year, full of gawkers and looky-loos, including moi.

Ayrton Senna's first win at Monaco helmet.

I plodded on to Encore, planning to play on the same bank I've enjoyed for years, only to find them gone.

It's all screaming pounding video slots and blackjack, craps, and roulette machines. Are we as a species forgetting how to really gamble?

In lieu of Keno, I settled in at a Beeeeeeefffffffffffaloooooo machine and started plunking, waiting for the cocktail waitress.

Throwaway photo of Encore to set the grim scene.

No waitress as the clock crept through noon (shift change?) and Buffalo was stupidly silent.

What a horrid experience. I played through $100 at the lowest denomination and got one and only one bonus win, which totaled up to the princely sum of $2.40.

I would not be denied my mojito, so I changed to a different Buffalo machine and put a second hundy in.

Third spin I got a bonus. And almost an hour after sitting down, I got my first mojito. And I was surrounded by annoying people making annoying noises and smoking annoying things, yammering into their phones with the speaker on for almost an hour.

When my drink finally arrived I immediately ordered another. I'm stupid, but I'm not stupid!

My mojito was shitty. There, I said it. It just wasn't what I was expecting.

It turns out that I had quite a decent run on Buffalo and played for nearly an hour more.

Highlights:

I did get a second mojito, and it was also shitty. Way too much sweet syrup in it.

Enwynn, why are you doing this to me after I loved you so dearly???

Hungry, I cashed out. Yes, I cashed out about $100. Shocking.

And the next part of my plan was to eat a proper Christmas dinner at a very traditional dining venue - Tacos El Gordo.

You're looking at three Adobadadababa tacos and one mulas - way more food than any one person could consume. I ate all of it.

About $21 for that feast, and it was excellent.

Next stop, Resorts World. I won't bore you with the various levels of frustration that getting a replacement slot card entailed.

Their video poker leaves much to be desired and their Keno pays the minimum of 750 for 5/5. Better games pay as much as 838.

I spotted a version of the silly White Orchid and played it. I had hoped there might be some Freeplay on my card but there was nowt.

I spotted a machine the Quad Queen would have liked, something about wolves, and I started to play it. Before long, I realized that the game was Buffalo, but with different pictures.

A cocktail waitress came around and I ordered a mojito, to see how Resorts World's version of the drink stacked up. Well, it didn't.

I was not allowed a mojito on the casino floor while playing fake Buffalo.

I could go to the bar to purchase one.

CASH OUT. And I was out of there, out of Resorts Fuck You No Mojito World as fast as my Tacos El Gordo burdened legs could carry me.

Back at Wynn I did spot a few machines with Keno on them, but the paybacks had been reduced to the minimum. Was there nothing to play anymore?

So the plan now was to work my way back to Luxor, retracing my steps. In Wynn, though, I spotted a woman playing video Keno and checked out the machine next to her.

And it had a decent paytable, the 838 for 5/5.

I set up and started to play. And before long, the woman next to me hit a jackpot, $2,000. She had a system of 20 cards of 7 numbers each, and had hit a 7 out of 7.

Saying something to her about how hard it is to hit 7 out of 7 I found myself talking to an extremely attractive younger woman. Her eyes with crystalline blue, dark hair pulled back, loads of jewelry, and an accent that might have been Italian.

She was very friendly and we talked quite a bit about various Keno strategies and experiences. I have to admit, I felt quite out of my element, as my day to day life rarely includes conversing with rich, beautiful women.

I probably sounded like an old rube, and more so when my gaze locked on to the mass of fur in her crotch.

"Oh!" I exclaimed, "I didn't even notice your dog!"

She had the tiniest little fella snuggled in a carrier. The dog couldn't have weighed more than 3 or 4 pounds, which is easy carrying for a crotch of any size or strength.

It was a quarter game, so I'd set up 5 numbers, with five 4 spot tickets and one 5 spot. I bet a total of 8 quarters a game, and I hit 4 out of 4s one after another, a total of ten of them. They paid something like 150 quarters each.

I desperately wanted the 5 out of 5 but kept falling one number short.

I worked my way up to $200 on the meter, which would have landed me in good shape - my profits were under siege since leaving Luxor. I paused and... for some reason, kept playing.

Yeah, the worst happened. The machine went cold and I lost it all, and hauled ass, muttering some sort of goodbye to the beautiful lady. She didn't seem interested in keeping in touch. Maybe it was the taco remnants drizzled sporadically across the front of my dirty t-shirt.

Another Lyft ride, and back at Luxor. A quick regroup in the room and then... on to Excalibur, where I played a bunch of Bonus Poker.

At one point, I came dangerously close to going on tilt when I switched to triple play dollars. It went badly and I lost my stake in a minute. At $15 a throw, that happens fast. I put in another hundred, played for a while on quarters, and then went back to dollars and managed to win back what I'd lost earlier. So now I had about $200 in the machine, and $200 in credits.

After that I stuck to quarters and played for a good long while, even cashing out a bit of goodness.

The quads were really banging, at least I had that going for me. And I met a nice fella named Harry who showed me I was wrong about a particular hold I've been making. That's two nice people in one day.

I knew I should have shut it down right then and there. I was down $140 on the day and I'd played my ass off all day long. It was enough - or was it?

The age old argument of 'you're here for a good time, not a long time'. I mixed up a traveler and hit the casino.

And I played more Keno for almost 2 hours. I blew through a hundy trying a variation of the Contessa's strategy, but with 20 five spot tickets - and it was a disaster.

I went all in. Sometimes it works out, sometimes - most times - it doesn't. I played to the bitter end and lost all of my day's stake.

But what a day! I'd thoroughly enjoyed it, and played as much as I wanted to.

And that put me at -$500 for the day, but still up $198 on the trip, which is pretty damn good.

Tomorrow, I take on downtown Las Vegas.