Thirty and a Half Years of Vegas

Day 1 - My watch alarm woke me with a buzz - actually, a VIBration. Was my watch vibing in authentic chaos? Damn skippy, it was 3:45 am.

3:53 am - Ready for ACTION

I managed a reasonable night and my little checklist worked to perfection. An hour and change I was out the door, bleary-eyed and steeled for the mission. I'd even had time for my standard healthy breakfast, which would later be thought of fondly as 'Breakfast #1'.

Flying out of Tampa is really great except for one thing. Yes, it is a fantastic airport - but there are only two ways to get to Vegas on a non-stop flight. Spirit, or Southwest.

I've done Spirit... now that I think about it, the vibe on Spirit is much the same as was on the Carnivore cruise I was just on. But really, the shit is going bankrupt, there's no way I'm risking that particular lemon yellow biscuit.

As far as Southwest goes, the whole boarding idea of 'first come first served sweat out which boarding group you are in' fills me with dread.

Fortunately, they are moving to assigned seating starting in 2026, so maybe that will be an option.

By 6:00 am I was parked in the economy lot and by 6:15 am I was about to be attacked by a giant flamingo, who was giving me the side-eye.

I keep forgetting how the iPhone camera distorts things at the sides of the image. For faces, this becomes the Quasimodo filter.

Oh, wait. I probably actually looked just like that.

Security with PreCheck was a breeze, although the security Sheila (a large, but careful black man named Neville) ripped apart my small personal item as expected because of the pound (now 12 oz.) of Community Espresso roast coffee stashed therein.

I put the coffee in there on purpose - it's always going to trigger a search, because people like to hide things in coffee, trying to fool the K9 unit.

After locating my gate, I scoped the terminal out for grub. Sadly, Starbuck's was the option and by the time I finally got my Egg, Sausage and Cheddar sandwich, the flight was 3 minutes from boarding.

I hightailed it over there, and saw there were a few people headed down the jetway. I strolled right up to the entrance and for some reason the check-in Sheila wasn't really paying much attention. 

Well, I simply scanned my boarding pass, the thing beeped and turned green, and down the ramp I went.

I was at the tail end of the processional Boarding of the Ancient Peoples, the wise sages of flying who have earned high enough status in the tribe through their glorious conquests to be chosen for transport into the aircraft by teams of solemn bearers.

A bed of flower pedals littered the jetway and my nostrils drank in the sultry scent of incense. Or perhaps it was the distinct aroma of the Ancient People.

On boarding the aircraft, the stewards bowed flamboyantly, and I was serenaded by a chorus of thumb piano music.

I'd just Vibed Gated myself into the glorious stress free pre-boarding ritual. Was Jimmy Poon right?

I settled into my Comfort Plus class window seat and munched my way through Breakfast #2.

The flight to Atlanta was non-eventful and I made the 3 mile trip from Terminal ZZ to Terminal A with relative ease.

Unbelievably (or maybe believably) I found myself feeling the need for something and McDonald's was right there and so it was that I consumed a Sausage a'Muffin with Egg - Breakfast #3.

I gate-checked my bag (wondering if it was a stupid blunder) and off we went.

Good on ya, Delta!

The mook beside me managed to tilt his head while asleep so that he was breathing right on me. I adjusted the air vent to top velocity and strategically aimed the torrent of freezing cold air. I just know that 2-3 days from now I'll have some horrible virus.

Napping definitely happened on my part, but it was a series of 19 head-bobs. I watched some things on the Chromebook and raw-assed it the four hours to Vegas without getting up.

The rest of the journey was smooth. Luggage arrived quickly. Got a Lyft immediately. Driver stank of delicious Chinese garlic breath - mmmm mm! Arrived at Luxor.

Luxor, wonderful Luxor, the place where my Vegas - errm journey - began. The Quad Queen and I first stayed here in 1995.

Actual card, AS changed the name for me.

It was 30 and a half years later, and my room still wasn't ready.

What to do, what to do. Well, Luxor does have a casino. The players club issued me a new card, all of mine being safely abandoned in Flusherville - I'm VIP Sapphire already!

Excitedly, I spilled my guts to the Player's Club Sheila about how we'd first stayed here 30 1/2 years ago on our first trip ever to Vegas and how we'd ridden the Nile River Ride, and I even knew what room we'd stayed in and my wife had saved the room card all these years, except she was now passed away.

"Merry Christmas, sir."

She was clearly overwhelmed by the details I'd passionately outlined.

I found a spot, played my $25 in free play (made $15 and then played it back), had a beer, and relaxed.

Hadn't quite finished my beer when my room became available. Tower one bedroom suite. Around $50 a night for the resort fee. I think that's a win. I've shown these before in the blog, but I need filler, so here's a bunch of photos of it.

Peek-a-boo, Royal!

For some reason I am overly excited to see the Little Giant set up, poised and ready to make me what it makes best. Coffee.

Note the fine selection of punishment snacks provided by my host.

OK, provided by me.

I always feel stunned after a long trip like that to Vegas. Any way you slice it, it's 12 hours and it's grueling for an old fart gambler like me. I really ought to fly first class, somehow. I wonder how many Avion points it would have taken.

The Travelambo was loaded up with cash, a credit card or two, and my ID. Everything I needed to win jackpots.

I was hungry, but again I was faced with the strange place some of these resorts have become. It was early afternoon and there was only one - ONE - restaurant open in all of Luxor. Blizz, the frozen yogurt stand. And I suppose the food court as well. Public House would not open until 5:00. Pyramid Cafe not until 7:00 am the next day. The other restaurants are just plain closed.

I took the shortcut to Excalibur: The Dirty Castle to see what was what.

I thought 'maybe the buffet?' but it is... closed. It would be open for brunch tomorrow for the Merry Fuck You Christmas price of $43. I can't eat $43 worth of buffet. Maybe I will, I still have $100 resort credit to use.

Del Taco? Sure. Never had it. Ordered a chicken burrito.

OMG it was delicious! Although you wouldn't know that from the photo.

About $9.

For laughs, I priced out the Johnny Rockets cheeseburger later. It's now $22. TWENTY. TWO. DOLLARS. For the burger, not the meal. Just the burger. I think everyone knows the nickel and diming narrative that is Vegas, now. Maybe they are getting a taste of their own medicine, as visitors stay away to nickel and dime them.

My first day in Vegas, I usually go nuts in the casino, playing all kinds of high volatility stuff trying to win big, and lose a bunch of money.

But I just decided to relax and played Jacks or Better. Triple play.

Well, within about five vibey minutes, I was dealt four to a royal. Didn't get it. DAMN. And a minute later, a straight flush that was one off a royal.

I spent a relaxing couple of hours banging away on the machine, enjoying a couple more beers, and hitting quads. Yes! Me! Hitting quads!

Maybe a collage wasn't the best idea, but nobody needs to scroll through photo after photos of fours-of-a-kind.

Ten of them.

Yup, ten.

Tired as hell, I cashed out a winner.

Heading back to Luxor through the walkway I had what seemed like a brilliant idea. Buy a second Del Taco burrito and have it on hand in the suite fridge.

What a food-savvy move!

Back in the room, I looked up the win/loss online and saw that I'd done $4,000 in coin in. That's 3,200 hands of video poker. One expects a quad every 400 hands or so, and I got that plus a couple more.

All of this button-pushing got me about 1,500 tier credits. There's no way I'll do the 20,000 to get Pearl at this rate.

But there is a Freeplay bonus of $90 if you hit 8,000 tier credits, and I think that is doable.

My fish-eye lens distorted Quasimodo head hit the pillow at 7:00 pm Vegas time, and I went to sleep happy, full of Del Taco and up $110 on the day and the trip.

For today, I'm a winner!