We Don't 69 Here

Day 7 and when I say 'Day', I mean 'The middle of the goddamn night'. Bobby G was headed back home on a 6:00 am flight. I promised that I would take him to the airport and that meant setting my alarm for 3:30 am.

Yes, I set my alarm for 3:30 am but that doesn't mean I would actually get up then.

There are Ubers and Lyfts available, right?

I got up at 3:30 am. Bobby G has bent over backwards for me (you should see it, he can chug a beer in that position, too) and it was the least I could do not to deliver him in Honda Cletus luxury style to the airport.

We met in the hallway at 4:00 and I asked Bobby how he did after I left him the night before. No details, but apparently he'd played almost all night long. I did not see pockets bulging with hundies.

It was a smooth ride to the airport - so smooth and fast I completely missed the Tropicana exit. So I tunneled Bobby G.

We said our goodbyes and I took the opportunity to do something I've wanted to do for so many trips - hit South Point for the graveyard specials!

I was there before 5:00 am and the birds were chirping. I made a bit of a booboo at the Coronado Cafe.

My breakfast was $4.95! Dirt cheap! Stupidly I ordered coffee, which cost $4.50. I could have gotten it after. Oh well.

Breakfast was good but for some reason the eggs were cold. And so were the machines, it turned out.

I thought I'd 'do a little play' while there, and found a Double Diamond machine. Still chasing that top jackpot, I played $100 worth at $2 a spin. You'll assume I didn't hit it and you'll be right.

After that, I tried some 50 cent Boner Deluxe. It didn't go well at all and then I went completely stupidly on tilt. I pounded in $300 more and played $1 VP and then $2 VP. At $10 a hand, you had better hit something quickly or your money is buttered toast, like what I had at my $500 breakfast.

Because that's how much I lost before rolling out of there less than an hour after I'd arrived.

SHIT. Boy, oh boy, what a dumb way to start the day. There were so many problems. Lack of self control. Bad choices. My bankroll was down to about $300 now. I was down about $1,500 on the trip now, which I saw as unrecoverable.

I drove back to Main Street and went up to my room. I looked up where Bank of America ATMs were near Fontainbleau (bear with me, this will make sense). I pondered checking with the cage to see if my line of credit was still active.

Vegasbebe and Mamacita were arriving in Las Vegas and I'd very gladly offered to pick them up at the airport, take them shopping for vital room camping supplies, and drop them at their hotel.

I basically just chilled in my room, napping, showering, and pondering the cascade of terrible life choices that had lead me to this hotel room, at this time, broke and forlorn.

Around noon, I headed back to McCarran, successfully located my passengers, and delivered them and their Budweiser, energy drinks, snacks, patent medications, Bobby pins, Jiffy-pop popcorn, electrolyte beverages, lip balm, $100 bill printed toilet tissue, henna tattoo kits, marked cards, newspapers, inflatable pool toys, Cup Noodles, ice cream cones, souvenir beer bong hard hats, "I'm with Stupid" t-shirts, cans of tuna, table cloths, pine tree air fresheners, Mr. Peanut costumes, combs, and a pint of Old Harper safely to their digs - the Fontainbleau.

It was wonderful to finally meet them and all their luggage (filled with jars of jam, I think, from the weight of those suckers).

All kidding aside, I am forever grateful for the support I received over the last 3 years and I made that known in person, which felt very good indeed.

These ladies seemed to think my luck would change, and as I pulled away from the hotel, I noticed a colorful envelope had been left behind. I opened it at a stoplight (which thankfully was red at the time) and found a thank you card and a generous (but unnecessary) tip to get me started back on the path to financial gambling glory!

So thoughtful - thank you Vegasbebe!

Back at Main Street Station, I took stock of things and decided there was nothing for it but to see what I could do with the money I had left, plus the tip money, which was earmarked for Lightning Link Flaming Golden Balls of Lucky Death play.

But first, I needed some lunch. The chicken and waffles at the coffee shop was amazing. Really hit the spot!

In the Cal casino, I didn't hit a big jackpot as instructed, but the most important thing is I had fun playing. And when I was done playing, I wandered away from that machine, and wandered to a machine that video Keno on it. Call it fate!!!!!! I could have wandered anywhere, but I wandered there.

It's kind of amusing. Instead of playing my typical upper right corner numbers, I thought, well, play all four corners. Two credits each, so that's 2 quarters, or 50 cents, or in other needless words, $2 a spin. Four 5-spots, but not interlocking like I often do.

It was different - you get a lot of hits, so it sounds great, but typically you win nothing, or maybe get a 3 out of 5 for 6 credits. Almost enough to get your bet back.

Well thank goodness, I hit a five out of five. Here's the kind of amusing part - my usual upper right corner numbers hit.

Believe me, I'll take it.

It was (I am pretty sure) the first five out of five I've hit this whole

Holy crapoli, what a frigging relief! That is a $405 hit right there. Just like that, I was no longer a pre-dawn degenerate, but a waffling savvy bastard.

I played for a quite a while longer but couldn't replicate the win. I cashed out the ticket with about $275 on it.

My next target of note was an upright near the lobby with a decent Deuces Wild game on it.

I played quarters for quite a while, hoping for those Deuces. In typical Deuces fashion, the machine taunted me by dealing me four Queens.

See the lower left corner there? Yup. That's what four Queens pays on Deuces - 20 quarters. It's the risk you take.

I've had quite a few dealt quads this trip and I thought, well, being I was on the second last day, that would probably be the end of it.

I played on, doing sort of okay, but dropping slowly. Emboldened by my win on Keno, I took a tippy toe step back into degeneracy and more risk by doubling the stakes to fifty cents.

Just four hands later - just FOUR - I was dealt the Deuces. $500 instead of $250! Boy was that a timely decision!

Now I was rolling!

I played out maybe $200 on other video poker machines. Triple Double Bonus, fifty cent Bonus, things like that. No hits.

I wandered the casino, looking at machines, trying to think of where I might be able to continue the streak.

That's when I saw a machine that someone had been playing multicard Keno on, and it had an interesting pattern of numbers selected, an open box in the lower right corner, with the center square, number 69, left open.

I sat down and looked at a bunch of the cards individually. They were all set up for different 5-spot combinations within the square of numbers. Fuck it, this looked interesting, and was something I've thought of trying before - 20 cards of interlocking 5 spots, all different.

I bet two nickels per card and got dinging. $2 a spin. Before too long, a bunch of numbers hit and I thought, oh that will maybe be something, and my jaw dropped when I looked on the left side of the screen and saw not one, not two but SIX five spot tickets had hit. And the credits rang up like the most angelic beautiful cash-grabbing song you've ever sung. 

I cashed a ticket out and kept going. And I got more hits! And cashed out two more tickets!

Unbelievable. Proof once again that where there are credits, there are hope.

My buddy 'Kevin' the (now retired) advantage video poker player, and his wife 'Mrs. Kevin' took me out for the most amazing meal at Andiamo's at The D. It was my first time eating there.

And in fact, it was my first time doing anything of any sort there, and I chose eating from the vast realm of possibilities.

We had a fantastic meal! We started with the Polpette sudate del gigante, which were amazing, and for mains, I had the tortellini, Kevin had a porterhouse steak, and Mrs. Kevin had the lobster rigatoni. The Mrs. and I shared the cheesecake (unpictured) which was the most delicious cheesecake I've ever had.

I hogged most of it, going so far as to scooping portions off of her fork before she could enjoy them. It was a cheesecake sword fight!

What a day! Three sets of good friends, an amazing dinner, and a gambling turnaround for the ages.

I went back to the Cal, wandered a bit, wondering what to play, and then realized I felt fulfilled - I didn't need to play anything. It was time to go back to the room and feel good about things.

Total for the trip? Down only $538. I'll take that!

One day to go!